


Numb

by RainaParker



Category: SEAL Team (TV)
Genre: Implied/Referenced Drug Use
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-04
Updated: 2021-01-08
Packaged: 2021-03-07 22:09:04
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 36
Words: 63,218
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26804890
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RainaParker/pseuds/RainaParker
Summary: Trent has a bad day that offers a glimpse into the secrets he keeps.
Comments: 233
Kudos: 133





	1. Chapter 1

Trent sped down a winding back road revving the engine of his bike urging it forward almost beyond it's capabilities. Speeding into the curves instead of slowing. The wind whipping his visor. His body felt tight in a way he had hoped the speed would loosen. The tension pulled at his already sore muscles reminding him how lame he felt. 

He pushed the bike further as images flashed through his mind. The last of summer was turning to fall and the trees lining the road would be dropping red and orange leaves soon. The colors here contrasted the dull beige of his memories. The dampness of threatened rain the opposite of the brittle dryness of a sand blown desert. 

The roar of the machine below him as it surged along the curving road melted in his mind into the screaming he had tried the entire flight home to forget. Slowing at a straightaway he pulled to the side, removed his helmet and looked to the sky. The clouds gathering warned that he should turn back. 

Putting his helmet back on he pictured the darkhaired child. He knew he should call one of his brothers. Knew that being alone was not his best option. 

He could call any of them and they would come without question. Without interrogating him, without even asking. They had watched as he tried desperately and completely failed to save the boy. On the plane Ray had stayed close, attempted to talk about it. Trent for the most part had blown him off, acted as if nothing happened. Brock had offered to come over. Sonny handed him a beer he chose not to drink and said the tab at the bulkhead was on him tonight. Jason put a hand on his shoulder and asked if he was straight, he nodded. Clay eyed him from a distance and said nothing.

Trent thought back to when he injured his arm. Thought back to the warmth of morphine coursing through his veins. Of percocet numbing even his thoughts. Of the haze the injury had provided. He thought of the vicodin and how at one point eight a day had been his normal. Even when the pain of injury had faded the vicodin had remained in his life. The spiral had been fast and looking back he realized if it hadn't been for his return to Bravo he probably wouldn't have survived the path. 

But tonight as he unlocked his door he for a brief moment thought of returning to base. Of the drugs stored in his medkit there. Of the numbness that they would bring. 

His apartment felt empty. Bare. Desolate. It mirrored it's occupant. 

He wondered if Clay felt similarly. The younger man had translated the words of a dying child until they were no longer coherent. Until he simply cried for his mother as Trent did everything possible to stem the bleeding even as it caused more pain and Clay whispered reassurances and glared at Trent. He hoped Sonny was pouring whiskey down Clay's throat tonight. He hoped at least one of them could forget for at least a minute. 

The scolding water cascaded down his muscular back while his forehead rested on cold tile. Palms pressing forward as if he was about to do a pushup against the wall. He felt his skin turn red but doubted he would ever feel clean. 

A shiver ran down his spine as the water had turned cold. He briefly wondered how long he had been standing in the water. Reaching for the knob he stepped out of the shower and wrapped a towel around his hips. 

Water dripped from his hair as he made his way to his living room. The tv left off along with the lamp he slouched onto the couch. The dampness on his skin sticking to the fabric. 

Once again he thought of his medkit and the narcotics it contained. Tipping his head back into the cushion he closed his eyes only to be greeted by the fearful, confused, painfilled eyes of a child. Those grayish green Afghani eyes somehow reminded him of Brock's eyes and that somehow made it worse. The child looked like his brother, like he could be family instead of an unwanted throwaway caught in crossfire in a place no child should have to be born. He opened his own eyes to vanquish the child from his mind. 

It hadn't gone unnoticed that Jason and Ray had taken the perimeter. The fathers among them unable to watch the boy and Trent lose the fight for his life. Sonny and Brock had watched helplessly as Trent did anything he could think to do and Clay whispered and held the child's hand. He shook the thought a way willing it gone like the boy's life. 

Aches and pains settled in as he wished sleep would come knowing it would not. It was close to midnight when he stood still in his towel and padded toward his bedroom. He slipped into a pain of sweatpants and grabbed his phone before heading back to his couch.

He thought of texting Clay. Checking in. But hoped the man was either passed out drunk or somehow had managed sleep. So he sat back down still holding his cell. 

He scrolled through his contacts before settling on a number. It rang twice before a tired voice on the other end said his name as a question.

"I need you. I need to feel anything but what I do." He exhaled. "I want to be numb."


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not sure what to rate this as... maybe it needs to be explicit? Anyway there is a sex scene in this chapter. It's the first I've written so feedback would be appreciated.

He heard the keys in his front door. Her quiet steps would go unnoticed by most people but Trent was trained in a way that he couldn't ignore even when he wanted to just be. He didn't move from the couch as she sat beside him. It reminded him of their first meeting.

~~~~~~~~~  
She had entered the treatment room after being told he wanted to speak with her. Confusion was written across her face as she sat across from him waiting for an explanation. He studied her silently.

"I'm Serena Moss. You wanted to speak with me." She eventually said.

"I'm Trent. This morning you were taking photos and I need to know why?" Trent spoke in monotone.

"I thought the staff here had explained. I'm sorry. I'm a photojournalist doing a story about the physical rehabilitation of soldier wounded in combat." She unintentionally glanced at the scars tearing up his arm.

"I need you to not publish any with my face. I'm going back to my team when I'm done here." Trent stood and walked from the room leaving her to wonder what his real chances were of ever making it back.

~~~~~~~~~~

As she sat on his couch not saying a word he doubted she would be the first to speak this time. He thought of who he was when they first crossed paths. Of the drugs coursing through his system and the desperation that must have shown in his eyes. He hadn't waited to hear her response that day but when the article was published he was cropped from all images.

"I didn't know who else to call." He looked to her. Her auburn hair tied in a messy topknot, her face bare, and her bra straps showing beneath the tank top that was too cool for the night's weather.

"It's fine. What do you need here, Trent?" She pushed a loose strand of hair behind her ear.

He shrugged before answering. "I don't know. I just don't want to feel, Rena."

She pulled the tie from her hair as she moved closer allowing her red hair to fall down her back. Pulling her flannel pajama pants higher at the hips she moved to straddle his lap. She moved gently back and forth ad she leaned forward to kiss his jaw before moving down his neck licking, kissing and nipping at his still redded skin.

Trent groaned as his head fell back and his hips rose to grind against her downward motions. The tingle of building pleasure coursed through him. His hands glided under the hem of her tank top and found her breasts, cupping and squeezing them above her bra as she moaned into his neck.

"I need to be inside you Rena." His whispered breath almost unheard. He tugged at her shirt as she leaned back to allow him to strip her before continuing her mouth's assault on his skin. Trent lifted her from him with his good arm while she pulled at his sweatpants freeing his erection.

Trent slowly lowered her onto himself allowing her to adjust to the fullness. He movements were calm and methodical. He knew what she liked and she knew what he needed.

She increased the pace of their movements until Trent became almost frantic in his search for release.

"Faster." The word tumbled from his month in a growl as she rode him. Sweat poured down his rippled abdomen as he thrust from below her. She complied increasing her speed.

His hands grabbed at her hips clinging in a way that would bruise her pale skin. Pulling her down as he pushed into her erratically close to finishing.

"Fuck...Fuck!Trent! Harder. Yes!" Her inner walls tightened around his throbbing.

As her back arched in orgasm his forehead landed against her collarbone. Gasping in release he spilled himself in her. Panting he whispered her name again and again riding his own ecstasy.

Leaning back into the cushion of the sofa he pulled her with him. His head resting against her neck his arms wrapped around her lower back. Breathing slowly he attempted to catch his breath while going soft still engulfed in her warmth.

She didn't try to move away, allowing him to take refuge in her. She held him as he finally broke. He breathing once slow increased and he gasped as the first sob escaped his throat. Tears dripped down her naked chest as he continued to cling to her.

Her mind flashed to their second meeting. It was over two years from the first meeting at Walter Reed. She had taken an assignment to photograph the refugees streaming from Syria in the Spring of 2011 before the majority of the world was aware. It was there that she saw the man she only knew as Trent for the second time.

~~~~~~~~~~

The translator with her spoke of rumors of American military in the area. The translator was desperate to avoid the area until she had offered an extra hundred U.S. dollars. Excitement had coursed through her as the small Toyota pickup traveled on an unmaintained road. She leaned from the window and snapped pictures of the desolate landscape.

As she drew closer to the location gunfire could be heard in the distance. Fear of the unknown crept in along with her excitement. It was a feeling she couldn't describe no matter how she tried. As they approached a roadblock the translator instructed her to duck below the dash. He was clearly nervous as she took pictures. Grabbing her roughly he pushed her down. "Hide." His thick accent held fear.

The words yelled in English surprised them both as they were told to stop. A Texas accent yelled to turn around. She climbed back into the seat and locked eyes with an American. Her finger hovered over her camera before she sat it in her lap. The translator was yelling back at the men that the woman with him was a journalist and had a right to pass. The man who held her eyes shook his head almost imperceptibly. The desperation she once saw in his eyes was still there but also not the same. This was different somehow.

The truck approaching from the opposite direction was traveling too fast. Much to fast and immediately both the Texan and the man she only knew as Trent turned away. She lifted her camera and focused it on the truck. Snapping picture after picture.

It was two days later when she was safely back in Greece that she reviewed the images. Images of a woman holding a dead child. Pictures of grief that shouldn't be felt. Pictures of a man named Trent checking for a pulse and the woman screaming in a primal way only a mother can. She'd looked at the pictures for what felt like too long before deleting all but one. She left her hotel and found a bar to drown the images in her mind.

It was in that bar while downing her third shot that she heard him call her 'Rena' for the first time. After he had asked he what she needed and she had said not to feel it. He made her forget that night in her hotel room and she had learned his last name was Sawyer.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Trent's breath hitched as he began to compose himself and he loosened his grip on her. Slowly she leaned away from him before standing up. She turned away from him briefly to allow him space before turning back.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Serena moved to sit beside him.

"Not really. I just want to sleep." He ran a hand through his hair. "Will you stay?"

"Sure." It wasn't often the other asked for more than release. "I'm going to shower."

Trent rose and grabbed his discarded sweatpants before turning back to her. "I'll be in bed when you're ready."

Trent was asleep when she crawled into his bed. Laying on his side facing the center of the bed. She laid beside him listening to him breathe evenly before drifting to sleep herself in a t-shirt she'd taken from his dresser drawer.


	3. Chapter 3

Trent woke slowly. His eyes still felt heavy and he briefly wondered if he had slept long enough before realizing she had stayed. He let his eyes slip back closed. 

His arm was draped across her. She was sitting up in the bed, reading or playing a game on her phone. He wasn't entirely sure and it didn't really matter to him. She was close and in this moment that was all mattered. 

He allowed himself to sink lower into his bed. She stifled a chuckle. He felt as she shook her head. 

"We both know you are awake, Mr. Sawyer." She called him by his formal name jokingly. In Greece after she'd learned his last name she had said it in response to being called Rena. Occasionally it still slipped from her lips. 

"I am." He looked up at her with a sheepish smile. "You hungry?"

"I could eat. I'm assuming it's been what a day or two since you've eaten?" The state she had found him in the night before told her all she needed to know about his selfcare.

"Three." The smile remained of his face even as she glared down at him. "I'm gonna shower quickly and then we can grab something at the diner down the road."

Her hair tumbled down around her shoulders in waves from her shower the night before. She looked at the t-shirt she was wearing and knew she had no clothing appropriate to go anywhere. "Trent I have sweats and a tank here. Can we swing by my place so I can at least have sleeves?"

"You can wear that." His smile grew. "Alright I guess we can." He laughed.

Eventually hunger won out and he crawled from the warmth of his bed and her embrace. He turned the water to hot but not boiling before he stripped off his sweatpants and climbed into the water. Sleep had helped. He reached for the shampoo and proceeded to wash..

Serena was filling water to start making a couple cups of coffee when she noticed a slight noise by the door. Assuming it was a neighbor heading to work she continued to fill grounds into the basket. It wasn't until she heard the shuffling sound for the third time that she walked to door.

She stood on her tiptoes to look through the peephole. On the other side of the door a blonde man stood staring at the door. She jumped slightly at the sight but kept watching. He turned and walked away only to turn and walk back. Stopping and raising a hand to knock and then lowering it again. 

She watched for a moment more contemplating going to get Trent from the shower before deciding if she screamed he would hear. She smiled at the image of Trent naked with shampoo dripping from his hair coming to her rescue. The man stopped in front of the door once again but before he could lower his hand she swung the door open.

The man looked shocked and confused at her presence. "Ummm I uh. I uh maybe got the wrong apartment." His stuttering was almost cute she thought until she noticed the circles under his eyes and the slight tremble in his voice. His hands were jammed into the pockets of his jeans and he looked childlike.

"Trent's in the shower. Come in." She glanced down at herself in Trent's t-shirt that barely cover her bruise covered hips. She opened the door wider and stepped back before turning to the living room and grabbing her clothing from the night before.

"No uh maybe I should just go." He ran a hand through his hair before turning as if to leave.

"Hey. Just come inside before the neighbors see me strutting around in basically nothing. You've been pacing the hallway for ten minutes. Whatever it is...." She stopped herself. "Come inside. I'm going to get dressed. Oh and I'm Rena." She wasn't sure why she had said the nickname Trent had given her but in the moment while wearing only his shirt and standing in front of a stranger in his apartment it fit.

"I'm Clay." He stepped inside and carefully averted his eyes as she turned to go get dressed.

She quickly slipped her flannel pajama bottoms on as she cracked the bathroom door. "Trent. Change of plans." He looked at her from behind the shower curtain questioningly. "Clay is in your living room."

Trent immediately reached to turn the water off. She handed him a towel as he stepped from the shower. He wrapped it at his hips as he crossed his bedroom and opened the door. She watched as he rushed from the room. 

Clay was sitting on his couch when he got to him. "Hey. You okay?"

"Yeah I... I didn't know where else to go." A look of shame passed of his features. "I'm sorry for interupting." He glanced to the bedroom door.

"It's fine." Trent gripped the towel in place. "I'm gonna get dressed." 

Serena stepped from the bedroom as he took a step in that direction. "So I'm going to run home and change. I'll bring breakfast back with me." For the first time Trent realized the shirt she had slept in was a Bravo t-shirt. "Clay, do you like pancakes?" She turned to him.

"Oh umm yeah but you don't ... I'll leave before you get back." He didn't meet her eyes.

"Then Trent will be forced to eat your share because I'm getting food for three." She smiled.

"Thank you." Trent said it quietly and they both knew he was grateful for more than just the breakfast she would be bringing back. 

"I'll be back soon." She latched the door behind herself. And Trent went to put in pants. 

Clay was about as uncomfortable as he ever remembered being. He knew Trent wasn't upset he came and it didn't appear that the woman, Rena, was either but somehow he felt like an intruder and wished he had agreed to drink it away with Sonny instead. 

He was holding his head in his hands when Trent returned with clothes on and pulling a hoodie over his head. He shifted his sore muscles to look up at his brother. "I am sorry for screwing up your morning. She's pretty. I didn't realize you were seeing someone."

"Oh... I'm not. Serena and I have known each other for a long time. Since I was rehabbing my arm actually. It complicated." Trent didn't actually know how to explain who they were to each other. "So what going on, Brother?"

"I didn't sleep. I know you have Ambien on the plane, thought maybe you had some here too. Kinda stupid now that I think about it." Clay looked at the floor. 

"It's not stupid, Clay. I do have some... my own prescription but it's the same dose. I'll give you some after Serena get back and we both eat." Trent turned toward the kitchen where coffee was brewing. "When did you last eat?"

"Uh three or four days ago, not sure really. Can I have some coffee?" 

"You can have hot cocoa, Kid." Trent smiled at him.

"Yeah that would work too. Can't seem to get warm." Clay wrapped his arms around himself.

"You sick?" Trent took a step closer and pushed his hand to Clay's forehead.

"I don't think so, tired and hungry." Clay looked up at him in a childlike way he wasn't prepared for so early in the morning. 

"Don't feel hot." Trent turned toward the kitchen. "Probably just exhaustion truly setting in." 

"I can't stop hearing his words." Clay's voice cracked slightly.

"Yeah it was a rough one." Trent didn't mention the reason Serena was there or his desire to get high the night before. "Do you want to talk about?" 

"Not really. Just sort of wanted you to know." Clay took the hot cocoa Trent offered. 

"He reminded me of Brock." Trent sipped at the coffee he had poured himself. "Not sure why but that made it worse."

"It was his eyes." Clay wiped at his own glassy eyes. "He reminded me of... myself. I wanted my Mom so badly sometimes and she was gone. I wanted to somehow get his mom for him... to make it better." A tear slipped from his eye as he wiped it away. 

"Rena will be back soon with food. Then you'll sleep. It will make it better." Trent knew he was lying but also knew Clay would be able to compartmentalize it once he had a full stomach and had slept. 

"Why do you call her Serena and Rena?" Clay still held a childlike quality that made lying to him or hiding things from him harder. 

"When I met her I wasn't who I am now. And when I saw her again after a couple years I guess I needed her to know that somehow so I called her Rena. She was having a pretty bad day... It seemed like she needed a friend." Trent looked over at him. 

"So you're the only person that calls her Rena?" Clay looked confused as Trent nodded. "She introduced herself as that to me."

Trent laughed. "Cause that's who she is here."

The keys in the lock stopped the conversation as Trent moved to open the door and help her with the bags of food she was carrying. His stomach growled at the smell causing her to laugh. She moved into his kitchen and effortless retrieved the plates and utensils necessary for their meal. Clay watched her realizing she had spent more time in this kitchen than Trent had alluded to in their earlier conversation. 

They ate quietly as both men basically inhaled the food. As they were finishing Clay's fatigue began to show even more. He yawned and his eye lids hung at half mast. 

"Spare room?" Serena nodded toward Clay.

"Yeah." Trent looked from her to his brother who appeared oblivious to them. "Hey Clay, time for bed." Trent stood and took him by the elbow.

"Huh?" Clay was already half asleep and completely lost. 

"Bed." Trent guided him to the spare bedroom where he was asleep before his head even hit the pillow. Trent pulled the covers higher and shook his head at his kid brother who looked amazingly young. 

When Trent left the bedroom the dishes had been taken to the sink and the leftover food was put away. The space looked as it had before they had eaten. He smiled as he headed to his room where she was making his bed.

"You don't have to." He leaned on the doorframe.

"I know." She turned to him. "I don't know what happened and I don't need to, but whatever it was sort of wrecked you both a bit." 

Trent nodded at her wondering where she was taking the conversation. "Yeah it did... It was a kid. It wasn't fast." He lowered his head.

"Trent... He came to you because he wasn't okay and you were there... but where do you you when you aren't okay?" She took a step closer to him. 

"To you." Trent reached for her, pulling her close.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay this story was supposed to be a one shot... apparently I'm not capable of that. So I decided it would be a two chapter story. Then chapter two took a turn and chapter three was the end... Until well this happened and now who knows how long this fiction will end up being. Reviews are so appreciated.

And then life returned to normal. Spin ups resumed. An upcoming deployment lingered in the background. Trent did what he always had done before and probably always would. He compartmentalized. He put that little dying Afghani child away deep inside his mind. He moved forward.

Clay attempted to do the same and was mostly able to accomplish the task. Trent had watched Clay hug RJ just a little too tightly and throw an extra candy or two to an Iraqi girl and he knew that was his brother's way of honoring that boy but he never mentioned it. And Clay never mentioned Rena. Not in the days or months that followed. Not even when Sonny attempted to set him up with a stripper. 

Trent sat in the briefing room awaiting the others arrival as Mandy and Davis moved around the space doing what they did best. He watched them thinking about how much like a dance this was. They moved and organized, they didn't even speak as they passed papers and files back and forth. He was a bit tired from drills and had wanted his shower and bed but watching now he knew he'd be lucky to get a shower on base before they flew out. 

The nudge of his shoulder almost startled him as Ray looked at him with a raised eyebrow. "Where's your head?"

"Thinking about taking a sick day." Trent looked around the room as the others filed in and took their seats.

"You sick, brother?" Ray's question had everyone's attention including Mandy, Davis, and Blackburn. 

"Nope just wanted my bed tonight and that clearly isn't going to happen." Trent sat up as Mandy shook her head and Lisa smiled. 

"Trent's right. We are headed to northern Kenya. And will brief more on the plane." The urgency in their commander's voice had Bravo on their feet and heading to the door but Trent stayed back.

"Northern Kenya as in we are landing there and Somalia is the target?" Trent's words stopped the exodus. 

"We brief on the plane." Blackburn left no further room for discussion. 

Trent bit his tongue and stepped from the room. Grabbing his phone he hid in the bathroom for a moment sending a text as a sickening feeling took over and he swallowed thickly to hold back the bile. 

He was the first on the plane and impatiently waited for the others while bouncing his foot. It seemed to take forever to load the plane with the people and supplies necessary but eventually they were signaled for takeoff. Trent paced as soon as they reached cruising altitude. He checked his phone for the fifth time in the last five minutes. 

"Alright Gentlemen, gather around." Blackburn called and Bravo moved toward their briefing. Trent stood still. 

"Good?" Brock stopped beside him.

"Yeah. Fine." He took a step forward and then another.

"Okay boys, as Trent so obviously pointed out earlier we are landing in Kenya and you will be hiking into southern Somalia to retrieve two Americans who wandered over the border as the State Department claims." Blackburn flipped through some papers.

"They with the agency?" Clay asked. 

"No actually Time Magazine." Mandy stated. "A freelance journalist and photographer, along with their driver and translator were abducted three days ago by the terror group Harakat al-Shabaab al-Mujahideen, more commonly known as al-Shabaab in the city of Kismaayo. Our objective is to retrieve the two Americans and if possible their local contractors."

"What do we know about al-Shabaab?" Ray asked.

"As of 2015 they were mostly pushed into more rural areas so this resurgence in Kismaayo is a bit surprising but not totally unexpected. They are multiethnic but their leaders appear to be native Somali trained in al-qaeda camps in Afghanistan." Davis explained. 

"So typical jihadist assholes. They ask for a ransom?" Sonny moved the toothpick in his mouth from side to side. 

"What are their names?" Trent's voice was quiet but strong as the others turned to him. 

"Jack Carson is the journalist and the photographer is..." Blackburn moved papers around the table as Trent held his breath. "Here it is sorry, Serena Moss."

"What do we know about them?" Jason's words went unheard by Trent. 

His world tipped and spun in circles. He thought of the vomit rising in his throat and swallowed hard. He was vaguely aware of Clay shifting closer. Numbness tingled in his hands as he took another intentionally slow breath.

~~~~~~~~~~

It was in the Philippines a few days after Clay had nearly died on a Gucci mission that he saw her in a market while following a lead to nowhere. She had smiled at him and waved before seeing his team with him and turning away. He had wanted to scrap the surveillance and run to her arms but knew it wasn't an option. She was wearing cargo pants and a cream colored t-shirt and looked so much like a tourist that he wanted to laugh. Her hair was tied up in some sort of a braid that ended in a bun, he wondered if it was as complicated to do as it looked. She glanced back to him and he winked. In all the darkness of the week she was a light.

The next night he had tracked her down knowing they were heading to Guam early in the morning. They met at a park and he told her about the bombing that had been on the news anyway. Told her his friend was hurt and might never operate again. Told her how terrifying it had all been. She listened without speaking while he rambled in the darkness. He explained what a junctional was and how it worked. How it had probably saved his Brother's life and she had stopped him. 

"No, Trent. That was you that saved his life." She took his hand in hers as it shook slightly. "The tools don't do anything without the men using them."

"Maybe." He looked up at the night sky. 

"Do you think if you take credit for the good you do....you might have to take credit for the other stuff too?" She squeezed his hand.

"What do you mean?" Trent turned to meet her eyes.

"Trent I've been a combat and conflict zone photographer for over a decade. The world you live in... I don't know how you see what you see and do what you do." Her voice was soft and unaccusatory.

"You see it too." He pulled her closer despite the humid heat.

"It's different though. I'm looking through a lense. Seperated. Safer somehow. But you... how do you make sense of it?" She put her head on his shoulder.

"I don't try to make sense of it. I just try to come home and make sure my brothers do too." Trent kissed the top of her head.

"Good. Keep doing that okay?" She bit her bottom lip. 

"Sure." He laughed at the lack of humor.

~~~~~~~~~

Trent stood motionless as the group disbanded from the finished briefing. He was aware of hammocks being hung and beers being cracked. Clay stood beside him silently until they were alone. 

"You need to tell Jase." Clay looked straight ahead. 

"So he can bench me?" 

"Trent, who is she to you besides being it's complicated?" Clay pushed.

"What do you want me to say here Clay?" Trent's voice remained low but the harsh tone was a warning. 

"I want you to tell me she isn't important, that you won't fuck up because she's just a booty call. Someone to bang when it's convenient. I want you to tell me that the special nickname is really because you couldn't remember her full name not because you wanted to fix something and she needed a fucking friend. I want to know that you aren't about to get yourself killed for her and if you can't or won't say it then Jase needs to know." Clay whisper yelled. "So tell me. She a booty call? Just a good fuck?" 

"Fuck you." Trent growled. 

"Tell me. Just some random?" Clay hated what he was doing but he knew the truth.

Trent turned to face him squaring up to him. "Drop it."

"So that's it? Just a fuck buddy... light on the buddy, more of just a fuck?" Clay smirked at him. 

And that was what it took for Trent to lose his cool. With both hands he shoved Clay backwards hard. "That's all you got buddy? That's it really? So tell me again she just some girl you call for a handy or blowjob?" Clay felt like an asshole talking about Rena and insinuating she meant nothing to his brother when she clearly did mean something but he also felt like he had no choice. 

"Shut your FUCKING mouth, Spenser!" Trent pulled back to take a swing. 

"HEY, HEY, HEY!" Sonny grabbed Trent from behind in a rare role reversal as the rest of the team and Blackburn rushed toward the two. 

"What the hell is going on?" Jason looked from Trent to Clay. "Sawyer? Spenser?" Clay locked his jaw as he stared defiantly at Trent. "Bravo 4. Wanna explain why you tried to knock 6 out?"

"He doesn't know when to shut his mouth." Trent looked away. 

"Never has. But this is a first for you." Jason glared at them both. "Clay, what's going on?"

"Trent. Tell them or I will." Clay pleaded.

"Somebody better explain. Now." Blackburn took the lead finally settling on Clay. "What is going on Petty Officer?"

"I've met Serena Moss before, Sir." Clay looked to Trent with guilt in his eyes. "At Trent's apartment six months ago."

Blackburn and Bravo turned to Trent expectantly. "I didn't say anything because you will ground me. And you'll need a medic." Trent looked at the floor.

"You're damn right you're grounded. You know better Sawyer." Jason slammed his hand on a crate as he walked away.

"Jase wait!" Trent followed.

"What Trent?" Jason spun around. "You're personally involved and still want to come as if that won't affect your judgement?" 

"If it were Alana..." Trent knew he crossed a line as soon as he spoke.

"Don't. Don't try to equate some fling with my dead wife." Jason was boiling with anger. 

"It's not a fling. She's my refuge, my solace, the only reason I feel sane sometimes, she's my reason and my sobriety. Jase she's not a fling, she's my Rena." His voice broke. "You can't leave me in Kenya while she could be dying across a border. Please. Please don't do this. If you had the chance for one more minute with Alana... please don't make me wait to hear if she... please. If it's just long enough to say goodbye. Please." He lowered his head to hide his tears.

Jason watched as Trent fell apart knowing protocol and regulations forbid him from agreeing to allow Trent on the mission. But Jason also knew he would have moved mountains to say goodbye to Alana, to have only one more minute. "Go rack out. We leave when we land."


	5. Chapter 5

Trent swung helplessly in his hammock while his brothers whispered nearby. He caught bits and pieces of their concern. Heard Ray question Jason for allowing him to come. Heard Blackburn side with Jason. Heard Sonny agree. He listened as they asked Clay to explain further who Serena was to him. His youngest brother who he had wanted to strangle an hour before explained that he didn't have details. Clay told them he had stopped by to ask about a strained muscle and she had answered the door. He would almost have believed the lie if he didn't vividly remember what had brought Clay to his door in the early morning. 

He laid in his hammock recalling every hostage rescue operation he had been a part of. He recalled injury, trauma, and losses. He thought of every worst case scenario he could imagine while mentally preparing to bring her home for burial. 

Trent still felt like he could vomit at any moment. His chest held an ache that felt like a deep bruise throbbing with every beat of his heart. His mind wandered and jumped from place to place. 

~~~~~~~

She entered his apartment as he was stepping from the shower and made herself at home on his couch. The sunburn she had gotten in East Asia was starting to peel and itch a bit but the red of her skin still rivaled the red in her hair. Leaning back into the cushions carefully she turned as he entered the room. 

"I'll grab the aloe." Trent smiled at her with sympathy.

"No jokes? No calling me Clifford or anything?" She shrugged and winced. 

"Nope. Firstly that looks painful and secondly you're not a dog." Trent called back as he walked into the bathroom to look for the aloe. "Found it." He came back into the room to her eyes closed. "When did your flight land?"

"An hour ago. I came here instead of home." She flinched as he carefully guided her shirt off her sore skin. 

"I'm glad. Hey relax, I promise I'll be gentle." Trent tipped her chin up to look in her eyes.

"I'm sorry. It just hurts." She tried not to pull away as he delicately rubbed the aloe into her burns. 

"I'm sure it does but contrary to what my teammates would tell you I can be gentle." Trent smiled at her. 

"You aren't with them?" 

Trent laughed. "Field medicine is about getting them back home, to someone who can do a better job patching them up than me."

"I think you're doing just fine Mr. Sawyer." She leaned into his touch. 

"You're probably dehydrated from the burn. Pedialyte or an IV?" Trent pinched the skin on her hand. 

"Ouch. Pedialyte. You'd start an IV here?" Serena raised an eyebrow at him. 

Trent laughed again. "I've done them in much worse conditions than on my couch."

"I'm sure you have but I'd prefer if you don't ever give me an IV." She laughed with him. 

~~~~~~~~~~~

Trent swayed back and forth in his hammock thinking of her burned skin covered in aloe while she sipped grape flavored Pedialyte. He pictured himself pinching her skin to determine if the Pedialyte would be enough. Remembered her hope for him to never give her an IV and flinched at the thought of not making it there in time to do anything for her. 

It was four hours into a sixteen hour flight and as much as he had longed for his bed earlier sleep wouldn't come. Slowly he crawled from his hammock and made his way to the front of the plane where Mandy, Jason, Davis, and Blackburn were planning the mission. He stopped at a cooler on the way and grabbed a sandwich he doubted he would keep down but knew he had to try to eat. 

Davis nodded to the others as he approached. Mandy looked away to Blackburn while Jason took a step closer to him. "Working the problem now, Trent."

"Yeah. The guys are sleeping. Figured I should eat." Trent lifted the sandwich. "Boss, can I talk to you for a minute?"

Jason nodded as he walked further from the group. Sitting on a net seat that lined the plane he motioned to Trent who had yet to unwrap the sandwich he'd been carrying to sit. "You gonna eat that or just hold it?"

"Afraid it'll come right back up." Trent tossed it into the seat beside him. "Jase, I'm sorry I didn't say anything."

"No you aren't and I wouldn't be either if I were you." Jason tilted his head as he spike the truth. 

"Yeah.... I need to be there but the thing is though... if it isn't good. If she doesn't make..." Trent stopped briefly trying to find the words.

"Trent she's gonna be fine. We'll get there in time." Jason stopped him.

"We both know that isn't always the case. And I don't know what I'll do." Trent looked up at him. 

"Yeah." Jason put a hand on his on Trent's shoulder. "We've got you."

"Jase, I almost, I would have.. but she answered the phone." Trent whispered the admission. 

"We've got you, but maybe be a bit more discrete about the sobriety in front of support." Jason glanced around the plane. 

"You're right. I just needed you to understand." He exhaled slowly. 

"Why didn't you tell us about her before?" Jason looked toward their sleeping brothers. 

"Rena is, well, she is... I don't know." Trent looked at the sandwich he had discarded.

"Trent does she know? Does she know who she is to you?" Jason shifted. 

"No. Now I wonder if I'll ever get to tell her." He closed his eyes and tipped his head back into the netting. 

"You'll tell her." Jason stood and with his hands in his pockets and head low walked back to plan the operation. 

Trent sat unmoving thinking back to all the times he should have told her and had remained silent. Guilt washed over him for not telling her and a tear slipped down his cheek as he struggled to compartmentalize. He looked around the plane to avoid the images of her kept in his mind. 

~~~~~~~~~

"Hey there Sailor!" She called to him from a swingset as she swayed side to side. 

"Rena, what are you doing here?" He smiled at the sight of her at the park outside his apartment complex. 

"Well you see a little birdie told me that a certain group of men just got home from deployment and I had to check for myself." She pushed against the ground and pumped her legs. 

"Is that so? Seems to me that might border on something I'd have to report." He stepped toward her. 

"Well that might be the case if it wasn't the bartender at The Bulkhead excited about tips." She laughed. 

"Sonny." He sat on the swing beside her. 

"Or all of you." She continued to laugh. 

"Might be some truth to that. You hungry?" Trent watched as she swung higher and higher. 

"I can always eat." 

"And that's why I.." Trent stopped himself from finishing his sentence as he watched her laugh.

"That's why you?" She raised an eyebrow at him and grinned.

"Let's go eat." Trent stood.

She slowed herself by putting her feet to the ground before jumping off the swing. "Deal."

Trent shuffled his feet as they walked toward his truck. The realization of what he had almost said washed over him. In the driver's seat her reached over and took her hand grateful not to be sitting alone tonight. 

~~~~~~~~~~

"Trent, time to wake up." Ray bumped his shoulder. "We land in twenty." 

Clay lingered nearby as Trent sat up and realized he had slept in the net seating for long enough to be sore. Sonny walked passed and stopped briefly to nod at him. Brock fed Cerb and steadied his jaw. 

"Hey." Clay tentatively approached.

"Hey." Trent picked up the warm uneaten tuna sandwich. 

"I'm sorry about earlier." 

"You did what you thought was right." Trent nodded at the seat. "It's not entirely different than what I do."

"Meaning?" Clay sat beside him.

"Meaning if you are bleeding out I don't care how much I hurt you if it saves you." Trent held the sandwich.

"Yeah, but all the same, I'm sorry." Clay looked up at him. "I didn't tell them that she knows your kitchen like she lives with you. Didn't mention she can read your looks or that she takes care of you without you even realizing it." 

"I'm scared." Trent stood and walked away dropping the sandwich in a garbage before finding a seat away from his brothers.


	6. Chapter 6

Trent reviewed the plan in his mind a hundred times. He doubted he'd ever been as attentive during a briefing and he prided himself on details. His mind had attempted to wander to a place where she was safe and he felt whole but he'd drawn it back to this nightmare he'd never imagined in all the years he had known her. 

The plan consisted of them heading into the region in indigenous vehicles before ditching them and hiking the last portion of the trek. The location of the hostages was assumed to be a small village that was mostly abandoned. However in the last week activity had been consistent. 

Davis had satellite images she refused to show him of two of the hostages being dragged from a pickup and into a decrepit shack and none showing them moved again. He understood her reluctance to share the pictures and instead had Ray look at them for injuries he would need to prepare for. An hour later Ray came to him. 

"I have the information you need." Ray sat beside him as Jason talked to Blackburn close enough for them both to hear. 

"Ray, I need you to be gender neutral. I need them to be Hostage 1 and Hostage 2. I need to not know which one is... I can't know." Trent sat straighter as Ray nodded wondering if this was Naima if he could even pretend to be operational. 

"Hostages 1 and 2 were hooded when removed from the vehicle. Hostage 1 definitely has a head wound, the fabric of the hood was wet and sticking to the person's head, there seemed to be coordination issues as they stumbled. Hostage 2 was unconscious while being moved and appears to have a leg wound as well. Both were restrained at the wrist behind their backs. The images were grainy as hell, wish I had more." Ray patted his back as he stood to help Brock and Sonny double check their gear. 

"Thanks Ray." Trent clasped his hands together. 

"Of course." Ray walked away and left him to his thoughts. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Really? Fight Club?" Serena grabbed the bowl of popcorn and moved it to her lap. 

"What did you expect, The Notebook?" Trent reached for the beer he had been sipping. 

"Apocalypse Now? I'm honestly shocked you've even heard of The Notebook." She tipped her head back as filled her mouth with the salty popcorn. 

"Yeah well then you'd be shocked to know I've actually seen it." He reached into the bowl she held and grabbed a handful.

"Really? Willingly?" Serena laughed as the movie started. 

"Well I may have been dead tired and sore as hell with the remote out of reach but I didn't hate it." Trent smiled at her. 

"Knew there was more to the story." She laughed. 

Trent laughed harder. "Sonny was in the recliner with a pulled calf muscle. We watched it together."

"Oh god." Her smile sparkled. "Sometimes I wonder about your team. I feel like I know them all." She continued watching the T.V. 

"You could meet them." Trent turned to face her. 

"No, Trent. I uh I don't want to meet them." She stood and walked into the kitchen. 

Trent paused the movie and followed her. "Hey." He stopped hoping she would turn back to him.

"I'm sorry." She kept her back to him.

"It's okay." Trent stepped forward and put his hands on the shoulders moving his thumbs against the tightness in her neck. "I'd like to understand though."

"Trent. If I meet them, then this is more. And I don't think I can do more." Trent lowered his hands. Serena turned to face him. "Because if this is more and something happens. Trent, I know what you do when you aren't here. I've been the places you go and I've seen the devastation, the brokenness your life can lead to and I don't know if I can handle that."

"I don't want you to handle that. I just want to watch a movie and eat snacks I'll have to do double PT to work off. I just want to spend tonight next to you. So yeah you're right I don't want you to meet them either." Trent cupped her cheeks with both his hands. "Wanna watch The Notebook next?"

"I do." She sagged slightly and leaned into him. "I'm sorry."

"Please don't be." Trent wrapped her in his arms. "I chose this but you have a right not to."

"And does that make me a hypocrite? I fly around the world and go places most people wouldn't think of going." She spoke into his chest.

"I get shot at... a lot... so no not really. Rena we met while I was rehabbing an injury that should have ended my career, hell it could have killed me. But I do my job because it's who I am, it's who my brothers are. I was born for this, but it's okay if you weren't." Trent kissed the top of her head.

"I do mine because the world should know. They should know that it isn't white picket fences and picnics in the park. I do it because they should know men like you are needed so they can have the lives they have, even if I can never show them you." She wrapped her arms around his back. 

"Let's just watch The Notebook now."

~~~~~~~~

Trent rode in the passenger seat of the lead vehicle as Brock drove. They had crossed into Somalia with no contact. The silence of the ride was deafening. 

"Jase has me pulling rear security with Ray."

"Yeah I'm at the front with Cerb. 1,3, and 6 will breech." Brock's eyes stayed on the dirt road. 

"You think that's because he thinks..." Trent could not finish his sentence. 

"I think it's the best plan." Brock slowed as they reached the point where the vehicles.

"I'm not going to be okay if this doesn't end well." Trent made no move to open the door.

"It will end well. We go in we get the hostages. We get to exfil. We've done this before and we will do it again. And then we deal with the rest of it." Brock opened his door.

Trent nodded as he followed Brock. "Hey thanks." 

"Game face. It's go time." Brock joined their brothers a few feet away.

They hiked in silence through the barren terrain. Trent watched the night sky and wondered if he had ever seen as many stars. The temperature in East Africa can be brutal in the summer and he was grateful it was October. He put one foot in front of the other and then did it again. One step closer to no going back. One step closer to possibly never being the same. One step closer to knowing the truth, whether he was ready for it or not. He moved in silence with his brothers beside him until they reached the edge of the village. 

"Bravo 1 to Havoc we have reached Picasso." 

"Good Copy Bravo 1. ISR shows no movement." 

Jason turned to them. "Let's do this."

Trent followed Ray into position with his entire body tingling. He shoved all thought aside and relied on muscle memory, repetition, and years of experience to move as one with his teammate. 

"Bravo 2 and 4 in position." Ray's voice crackled on comms.

"Bravo 5 in position."

His heart was beating wildly in his chest. Like a horse about to race or a dog about to attack his muscles twitched. All his senses were alert with fear.

"Execute, execute, execute!" Jason's voice boomed in his ear.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry! I couldn't not end it there so I do apologize for the cliffhanger. Let me know what you all think!


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Reviews make the heart happy! Hope you all enjoy.

Trent exhaled slowly as he watched the rear of the building with Ray. Three of his brothers were entering the front. What they found inside would change his life either way. 

The quiet of comms echoed inside him. He glanced to Ray who was looking back at him. The expanse of the terrain seemed to be closing in on him as he waited and time stood still. 

Trent thought of the final boat ride with Nate. The helplessness of taking him home for the last time knowing his own skills were useless. He thought of Jason wiping Nate's blood on his pants. It had been a quick trip but each moment had stood on it's own making it feel endless like the moment he stood in now. 

"Havoc base be have reached Monet." Jason's voice gave nothing away. 

"Bravo 1 this is 2. What is the status of our cargo?" Ray didn't wait for Havoc to respond.

"H1 is down. H2 needs medical. Clay is providing assistance."

Trent allowed his mind to travel far from the Somali desert, to a place she was whole and so was he. He could see her now laying beside him. 

~~~~~~~~~~~

He was reading a journal article about the latest innovations in combat medicine. He wondered why they had not asked an actual combat medic to review it before publication. It was obvious to him that the doctors who wrote about the innovations had never actually done a procedure while bullets were flying above their heads. 

Serena mumbled softly in her sleep. He set the article down on his nightstand and shifted to lay beside her. She smelled like mangos. She always smelled like fruit of some sort which tended to make him hungry. 

He laid next to her enjoying the warmth of someone close as she slept in the middle of the day. She snuggled closer to him while pulling the thick comforter higher. Her red hair splashed across a pillow as just the top of her head was visible. 

Trent doubted he would wake her with a touch so he reached out and moved closer to her wrapping his arm over her torso in the process. She wiggled closer in her sleep. He rested his head on her pillow breathing in her scent and enjoying her warmth. He could feel her steady heartbeat against his chest. 

~~~~~~~~~~~

The image of her safe in his bed evaporated as Ray grabbed both his shoulders and shook him. "Trent. Trent. TRENT." He realized he was in shock at this point but there was not much he could do to stop it's effects. "TRENT she's alive. Serena is Hostage 2!"

Trent wasn't sure how he got from the rear of the building to the front. He didn't recall moving. He didn't hear Davis confirming ISR showed no movement. He didn't feel Brock's hand on his shoulder as he passed his best friend. 

When he realized he was at the front of the building he was standing in the doorway. He had heard of out of body experiences and always attributed them to shock but had never actually experienced the phenomenon himself until this moment. He watched himself move forward. Watched as Clay looked back to him while crouched over her. Watched as Sonny motioned quickly with his arm to come. 

With a rush of adrenaline reality slammed into him. In an instant he moved across the small room to where Clay was starting an IV. Clay looked up at him with uncertainty in his eyes. 

"Can't get this in. Third try now." Clay moved to grab new tubing. 

"Give it." Trent spoke in clipped words. He grabbed the supplies from Clay and exhaled slowly to stop the shake in his hands. "We have a line. Start fluids." 

Clay nodded at him as he reached for a bag of saline. Trent ran his hands over her head and down her neck checking for injuries. As his hands moved lower he thought of how well he knew this body and shook his head to rid the thought. 

She was still, much to still. Her normally pale skin seemed translucent now. He moved to her leg thankful the bleeding had stopped but worried at the angry red that surrounded the wound. A greenish film covered what he could only assume to be a stab wound. "Broad spectrum antibiotics." He watched as Clay grabbed the wrong ones. "No. The other ones." Clay switched the meds in his hands. 

Trent focused on injecting the antibiotics while beside him Sonny and Jason moved the body of Jack Carson preparing him for transport. Brock and Ray watched for threats regardless of the eyes in the sky that Davis, Mandy, and Blackburn were continuously monitoring.

"Ready to move in three mikes, Boss." Trent turned to throw things back in the medkit after doing what he could on the dirt floor of a shack. 

"Trent." Clay spoke as he packed up. "Trent, I think she's awake." 

Serena stared up at the ceiling, at nothing. She remained as still as she had been a moment before. The others in the room watched as Trent moved into her line of sight. 

"Hey, we got you. You're gonna be okay." His voice was strong as a gentle smile graced his lips. 

She shuddered and coughed. "I... didn't..." She gasped slightly. "want it to be... you." She let her eyes slip closed. 

"Hey open your eyes." Trent took her hand.

She obeyed the command but only briefly. "I'm so cold, Trent." 

"Hey Rena, open your damn eyes." Trent roughly rubbed her sternum. "You keep your eyes open, got it?"

"Got it. And Sawyer they were right." She winced as another cough ripped through her.

"Who?" He threw the last of the supplies in his bag. 

"Your team when they said you weren't gentle." She coughed again as he reached back to his bag to grab his stethoscope. 

"I like her." Sonny chuckled. 

"Shut it, Sonny." Trent listened as she struggled to breathe. "Shit." He pulled his bag closer. 

"Trent?" Jason stepped closer.

"Diminished breath sounds on the left. Gonna need a chest tube." Trent's hands were visibly shaking as he put on sterile gloves.

"Trent, I can do it." Clay moved forward.

"I know you could... but I'm the one that has." Trent picked up the disposable scalpel and turned back to her. "Serena Grace, this is going to hurt like hell but you'll breath better after. I can't give you anything for the pain yet but I will soon." 

Trent looked up to Clay and then to Jason. "Hold her down."

Clay pulled her arms above her head and held tightly with a knee on each side of her head. Looking down at her trembling he whispered. "It's okay to scream. You don't have to pretend this is okay."

Jason sat on her feet on his knees careful of the stab wound but steady. She gasped slightly. "Wait." Her eyes were frantic. 

"Rena, I need you to fight now like I know you can." Trent held the scalpel to her skin. 

"My bag... The flash drive. Find it." The blade found her skin and the tube was shoved viciously into position as a scream Trent didn't think he could bear ripped through her and she went limp.

As Trent taped the tubing in place Jason stood. "Bravo 1 to Havoc." The reply was quick before he continued. "We need to search the remaining buildings before we exfil."

"Jase we don't have that time." Trent looked up pleading.

"Trent she has something on that flash drive important enough to tell us with no breath. We are searching the buildings." Jason turned without another word. 

Trent's eyes rose to the ceiling where she had been staring. A small crack ran across the tin roof and just beyond he could see some of the stars. Slowly he let his eyes drop back to her limp form. 

~~~~~~~~~~~

"You aren't fucking listening to me!" She spun around to face him. 

"No Serena, I'm not because what you are saying isn't logical. In fact it's damn stupid!" He volume increased until he was yelling. 

"STUPID? Honestly Trent? Who the hell do you think you are?" She spit back.

"I think I'm someone who knows what the fuck he's talking about. You don't embed with rebel factions!" Trent's voice boomed. 

"It's my fucking job! Not to mention the opportunity of a lifetime!" She wasn't backing down. 

"And it's my job to retrieve dumbass reporters when they get in over their damn heads doing stupid shit like this!" Trent immediately regretted saying it.

"Dumbass reporters?" Her face fell.

"I'm sorry, Rena. I shouldn't have..." He stepped toward her but she held up her hands to stop him. 

"I'm gonna go." She grabbed her coat as she walked to the door.

"Rena wait. I didn't mean that." Trent followed her to the door. 

"It sounded like you did." She closed the door behind her in his face. 

"Fuck."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"I have the bag and flash drive." Brock's voice in his ear brought him back to the present. 

"Good work 5. Let's move." Jason's words spurned them all into action. 

Clay lifted one side of the liter while Sonny grabbed the other. Trent held the fluids pouring into her veins higher as they made their way to the border. Jason with Brock and Cerberus led the group while Ray brought up the rear. 

Running while carrying a liter is never easy so halfway to the border Brock and Ray switched out with Clay and Sonny to maintain their progress. As they crossed into Kenya support pulled up it two vans that would carry them to the C-17. The plane could land in Greece or Germany if need be Trent reminded himself as they traversed the dirt road to the airfield and he held two fingers to her neck.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope all you lovelies enjoy this chapter. Please review as they are food to this writers soul. ;)

"Va beach or Germany?" Blackburn looked to Trent as the back of the plane closed. 

"Germany." Trent turned to face him. "She might make it home but she will make it there."

"I'll tell the pilot." Blackburn started to pass him. 

"Thank you Eric." Trent again faced her. 

"Take care of her."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Trent shifted carefully as dizziness washed over him. He was nauseous but knew he should eat, unfortunately the kitchen felt at least three miles away. He sipped at his water and sunk lower into his couch while lifting a half melted ice pack to the side of his head. 

His phone beeped and the notification of a text showed. He opened it and tried desperately to see what it said, or at the very least who it was from, but the brightness of his phone and the drumming in skull prevented both. He knew his brothers were probably checking in and if he didn't respond someone would show up... and be loud.

Trent moved his finger to the call option and put it on speaker assuming Jason or Ray would answer shortly. 

It was one ring before her voice filled the emptiness on his apartment. "I'm surprised you called."

"In my defense I didn't actually realize I was calling you." Trent exhaled slowly as another wave of nausea passed over him. 

"Are you okay?" She spoke rapidly. 

"Yeah I will be. Concussion. I feel like shit but it will get better." Trent closed his eyes as the room spun. 

"Are you alone?" The concern in her voice was growing.

"Yeah." 

"Trent... you should call someone. I'm in Brussels or I would be there." Her voice was quiet and scolding. 

"Even though I called you a dumbass reporter?" Trent said it with shame and regret in his voice.

"Yes. Just call someone. My connecting flight is boarding." 

"Rena, I really am sorry. Please be safe." Trent wanted to cry but figured it was the concussion messing with his emotions. 

"I know. And I will be. Trent, please don't ask me to be anyone but me and I won't ask you to either. Call someone so you aren't alone. I have to go." The call disconnected before he could say anything in response. 

He sat in silence for a few minutes before hitting his 5th speed dial. Brock answered groggly after a few rings and he simply said "Hey, I probably shouldn't be alone tonight." Brock ended up staying for a few days. 

When his head felt better and he had wrapped his mind around their last conversations he opened the text he hadn't been able to read. 

\-- Trent, I'm sorry you're angry but I'm not sorry for doing this. Take care of yourself.-- 

This time he could not blame the concussion for his emotions as his tears fell. 

~~~~~~~~~~~

Trent rechecked her vitals and gave her more morphine. He watched her sleep knowing she probably would not wake before they landed and she was whisked away for treatment beyond his skills. He lifted her hand and held it in his reassured by its warmth. 

"You should eat." Davis stood beside him holding a turkey sandwich. 

"I'll eat in Germany." He glanced to her. 

"Any point in arguing?" She tilted her head at him. 

"Not really." He reached for the blood pressure cuff and ignored anything else she wanted to say as he focused on the task. 

Satisfied that the morphine had not altered her vitals he sat back down and lowered his head to hands. He listened to the activity on the plane. Paid as little attention as possible as he calculated how much longer the flight would be. 

The medic assigned to Bravo support stood closely. Duncan watched both Serena and Trent. He had worked with Bravo for almost four years now and was both intrigued and amazed by Trent and his skills. He knew better than to try to help him with this woman's care, but that didn't stop him from watching Trent. 

Trent looked pale and his hands trembled in a way Duncan had never seen. Bravo 4 was most likely dehydrated as he had not seen the man drink since they bordered the plane the day before. But he also appeared to be in shock. 

"Trent you look like shit." Duncan uncapped a water and handed it to him. "Drink this."

Duncan looked around the plane wondering where the rest of Bravo had disappeared to that they were ignoring their 'about to fall over' brother. It was uncharacteristic for Bravo. His eyes finally landed in them at the front of the plane. 

Mandy was on the phone arguing with someone and looking more frustrated by the second. Lisa was typing at the computer. The rest of Bravo was slouched in one place or another close to the table where Lisa was working. 

"Yes, thank you." Mandy hung up the phone. 

"Any luck?" Blackburn faced her. 

"It took some doing but yes. I got her classified as an agency asset. We will be staying in Germany with Bravo as her protection detail until she is well enough to return stateside. Any luck with the flash drive?" She turned to Lisa.

"Almost have the files open. There we go. They are images." Lisa clicked a couple times. "Oh."

"What is it?" Jason stood. 

"Trent."

"What?" Ray walked closer.

"Oh it's baby Trent." Sonny whistled.

"Look at his arm guys." Brock was shocked at the picture.

Trent looked younger than most of Bravo remembered him being. He was clean shaven with short hair. His muscular physique was replaced with a doughy appearance that was almost startling in contrast. In the picture Trent's right arm was wrapped in gauze and an ace bandage. The expression on his face was vacant and his pupils were pinpoint. 

Trent stood behind the group as they stared at an image of him he wished did not exist. "That was taken at Walter Reed in 2009. What's the next file?" Lisa minimized the image as the startled group turned to him. "Duncan threatened me with an IV if I didn't find something to eat."

"Syria. 2011." The image that flashed into view was of Trent in uniform with Bravo's insignia clearly visible. He was clutching a dead child in his arms. The look on his face spoke of trauma but also of resolution. Lisa moved to the next file. Trent laughed as a picture of him asleep flashed onto the screen. "Also 2011, actually just a few days later in Greece." In the picture Trent was shirtless and a blanket was pulled to his hips as he slept with his arms above his head. Lisa clicked a few more times. "2013 Va beach." Trent smiled at the memory. The picture was of him on the beach as the sun set. He was laughing at her as she snapped the picture. 

Trent grabbed a sandwich from the closest cooler and turned away. "I don't want to look at anymore." Unwrapping the sandwich he walked back to the medical area and Serena. 

"I've got him." Brock moved to follow.

Trent ate the sandwich but didn't actually taste it. Duncan nodded as Brock approached before he walked away. Sitting on a net seat beside Trent he said nothing. 

"We fought about this." Trent continued to watch her. "I basically called her a dumbass."

"I'm sure she knows you didn't mean it." Brock stretched his legs in front of him. 

"I hope so." 

"She's taken a lot of pictures of you." Brock watched him from the corner of his eye.

"She's a photographer. I told her that my job was to rescue dumbasses who get in over their heads... or something like that." Trent looked at the floor. "And look what happened. Her friend is dead and she's... well she's holding on for now." 

"Trent. You think she wanted the flash drive because it has a bunch of personal pictures on it or because it compromised your operational status?" Brock leaned closer so thier shoulders were touching. "She cares about you, Brother." 

"Probably wouldn't have been a great thing to leave in Somalia." Trent shook his head. 

"Probably not." Brock slowly stood. "Gatorade or water?" 

"Both." Trent slouched into the seat. When Brock returned he was sleeping and Duncan was taking vitals on Serena. 

"Fluids or rest more important?" Brock looked to Duncan. 

"Let him sleep. We land in two hours. I'll start an IV if I have to." The man turned back to jot something in her chart. 

"Tr'nt?" Brock stepped closer to the gurney. 

"Hey there, you're okay. I'm Brock and this is Duncan. He's a medic like Trent, who is right there sleeping." Brock stood closely.

"He okay?" Serena turned her head to look at Trent. 

"Yeah. Just beat." Brock glanced over his shoulder back at Trent. 

"Me too. It's nice to meet you Brock." Her voice was quiet. 

"Nice to meet you too. How's the pain?" He inclined her bed just slightly.

"I'm sort of numb. Morphine?" She looked around the plane for the first time. 

"Yeah. Trent didn't want you waking up in pain." 

"Yeah." Her eyelids lagged. 

"Rest. We're landing in Germany." Brock stopped moving away when Serena reached for his hand.

"Brock, is he really okay?" Her eyes looked like glass filled with unshed tears. 

"He is. Get some sleep now." She let go of his hand as he reached for another blanket. 

"Brock, the flash drive? Did anyone find it?" She yawned. 

"Yeah it's onboard. We uh... we looked at it." Brock unfolded the blanket. 

"Did he see?" She closed her eyes. 

"Yeah he did." He covered her with the second blanket. 

"Shit." A tear leaked from her eye as Duncan stepped closer.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this chapter again has material that may not be appropriate for the rating. If you are uncomfortable with that then skip the flashback and read the end notes. 
> 
> Thank you all again for your supoort. Reviews are always welcome. 
> 
> This piece was originally a one shot possibly a two. The original second chapter is still bouncing around my head so if you would like to read that let me know and when this is complete I can post the alternate ending which is mich shorter.

Trent moved from the back of the C-17 as soon as the medivac left the airport in Germany. Davis had arranged for transport of the entire team to Landstuhl Military Hospital, but Trent walked back into the plane instead of to the waiting vehicles. He walked passed the still swinging hammocks, passed the area they hang out and played cards, passed the indigenous vehicles still on the plane and finally stopped at the medical area. The empty gurney she had been on was back in it's place. 

Support was taking Jack Carson's body off the plane so he could be returned to his family. Trent lowered himself back into the net seat. The silence engulfed him while he inhaled and exhaled counting his breaths. 

Ray sat beside him. "Ready when you are." 

Trent nodded. "Just needed a minute." He ran a shaking hand down his face. "Thought I lost her, Ray."

"But you didn't." 

"Maybe not." Trent held his hand out in front of him and watched it shake. "Never had this happen before." 

"It's different when it's not us. We all know when we Jock up... but it's supposed to be us, so it isn't the people we love." Ray put his hand on Trent's back. 

"Yeah. We should go." Trent stood with Ray and deplaned. 

The ride to the hospital was void of conversation. Ray drove while Trent leaned his head against the passenger window. Sonny and Clay rode in the backseat unsure if words would help or hurt while remaining silent.

Trent closed his eyes and thought of the pictures she had taken through the years. If the possibility that there may never be more. He thought of laughing on a beach with her and waking to her in Greece. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Morning." Serena smiled at him from the desk in the small hotel room as he rolled over. 

"Mhmm mornin'. You been awake long?" He pulled the sheet to cover the ugly red that reached up his arm. 

"A bit." She watched him. "I have to admit I wasn't expecting to see you again."

"After Syria?" He propped himself up on his elbows.

"After Walter Reed." She rolled the ancient chair closer. 

"I told you I was rehabbing to return to my team." Trent's face held a cocky smile. 

"I didn't believe you would make it back." She moved to sit on the bed. 

"Well now you know not to underestimate me. I'm pretty determined." Trent smiled at her. 

"You're a lot of things aren't you Mr. Sawyer?" Serena laughed.

"I could show you again this morning." He raised his eyebrows and laughed along with her.

She crawled up the bed at the invitation. Trent reached for her and rolled them both so he was on top of her before capturing her lips with his own. 

He pinned her hands above her head with his right hand as his left cupped her breast. "Trent," She whispered his name. "I want to touch you."

He released her hands which then traveled to his shoulders as he rubbed against her. "Ready?" He moved slowly as he entered her while she bucked slightly.

"God you are good at this." Her heels pushed against the bed. "Deeper." She fisted the sheet with right hand, her left clinging to his shoulder nails biting slightly at his skin. 

Trent pulled back and pushed deeper into her. "Fuck Rena! You're tight." 

Her left hand slowly tracked down from his shoulder until she rested it on the bunched and gnarled skin of his forearm. She moved her hips against him. Rotating and panting. 

"That. Fuck." Trent slowed his movement. "I'm gonna cum if you keep doing that." 

She lifted his arm and guided his hand to her core still gripping what had once been a wound. His fingers found the spot as she gasped and rotated her hips again. "Cum."

Trent sped up the pace as he circled her clit and she circled him. "Oh God Trent I'm so fucking close, oh god don't fucking stop. Don't ever stop." She was breathless and grinding against him as she found release. 

Her inner walls closed around him as he pumped into her and ejaculated. "Wow." He slowly rolled to his side laying next to her. Reaching out with his right arm he pulled her close. 

Her hand found his scars again as she laid next to him running her thumb against the jagged edges. "No one has touched that before. Well the doctors but no one else." 

"I like it." She was sincere in her words. 

"Fetish?" Trent laughed but his face showed he didn't entirely find it funny. 

"Nope. It's actually kind of ugly." She ran her other hand through his hair pushing it away from his forehead.

"Then why?" Trent tilted his head. 

"Determination." She smiled at him as he leaned closer and kissed her. 

~~~~~~~

The SUV pulled up to the security gate at the hospital. The four member's of Bravo handed their Military ID's to the guard. "We have a protected asset being treated here, our team leader and commander just passed through." Ray spoke to the man while Trent glanced at Sonny and Clay in the backseat who were nodding. 

As the window rose and they passed the checkpoint Trent looked to Ray. "Mandy." It wasn't a question.

"Mandy." Ray pulled into a parking space beside the SUV carrying Jason, and Blackburn in the front. Brock, Davis, and Mandy were situated uncomfortably in the back. 

Stepping from the vehicles Trent walked to Mandy. "Thank you."

"Trent... You don't have to thank me." Mandy looked at the gravel. 

"Yeah I do Mandy." He bumped her shoulder with his.

"We all have secrets. We all have parts of ourselves we don't want the world to see. If you find someone who can see those parts, the dark and scary parts and still want to be near... well I had to do something. We all have secrets." Mandy looked up at him. 

"I know." Trent looked at Brock standing an appropriate distance away and looking anywhere but at them. "Mandy, you know I'm always going to look out."

"I know." She walked away. 

Blackburn and Mandy took the lead when the entered the hospital. Spoke privately with a cake eater about the agency asset. Trent stood with his still shaking hands hidden in his pockets waiting with his brothers and Davis in the hallway.

He wanted to see her, to look at her with his own eyes and know she was okay. He wanted to take her home but more than anything he wanted people to stop calling her Hostage 2 or the Agency Asset. He wanted her to just be his Rena again. 

The door opened and people were speaking but he was not listening. "Hey Trent, you with us?" Jason look annoyed but he figured that was for the sake of the cake eater.

"Yes. Sorry, Boss." Trent stood straighter. 

"What I was saying is you, 5, 3, and 6 are going to the floor of the asset. I need you to be briefed on her condition as soon as that is possible and then you and 6 will be in room while 3 and 5 are in the hallway. The rest of us will join shortly." Jason dismissed them. 

"Gotcha." Trent turned away. He had wanted to thank Jason but knew his relationship with Serena had not and would not be disclosed to the hospital personnel. 

On the fourth floor they were met by MPs assigned to guard her room until they arrived. Trent wanted to laugh at the ruse. He wanted to cry at how far his friends had gone to legitimize this so he could be with her. 

Sonny and Clay acted their parts as if this OP were anything but fake. They relieved the MPs and spoke to medical staff about their asset. The doctor stepped out to meet with Trent and while he wanted the information he wanted to hold her hand more. 

"I'm Dr. Burke. You treated her in country?" The man stood looking down at her electronic chart on a tablet.

"Yes. Trent Sawyer." 

"Well, Sawyer I have to say my med students were impressed until they were removed from the case for security reasons." The man scrolled through her chart. "She's concussed, broken ribs, the stab wounds was badly infected. We sedated her to clean and scrap the wound. She'll need IV antibiotics for probably a week. We were able to remove the chest tube though and her breathing is stable. She's awake and coherent now. I think she can be transferred stateside tomorrow. I'll get you a copy of her chart before transport of course." 

Trent nodded as he took in the fact that she was okay. He was desperately trying not to collapse from the relief. He exhaled slowly before he moved toward her room. "Thanks, Doc. I'm in room security so I need to go." 

"Of course." The doctor walked down the hall. 

"Trent I think you should examine the asset to confirm she is stable. Probably be better not to have an audience for that. I'll stay with 3 and 5. Let me know when you are good." Clay kept up appearances as the nurses moved about. 

"Good idea." Trent hoped his words were enough to express his gratitude for the moment of privacy. 

As he stepped into the dimly lit room he felt like the air had been sucked from his lungs. He longed once again for the numbness narcotics brought but that wasn't who he was, not anymore. All the experts say that your sobriety depends on you, that you have to do it for yourself, but Trent had no doubt that she was the reason he was clean. 

She was sleeping gently. Her breathing even and steady, a nasal canula providing small support. He moved to the chair beside her. Trent lowered himself slowly and finally allowed himself to feel every ache he had ignored for the last two days. 

He felt like he had spent the time barely holding himself together. His brothers might argue he hadn't done it very well. He doubted they would blame him but they also didn't realize how close he had been, more than once, to complete hysteria. 

He crossed his arms on the side of the bed, a hand on each elbow. While leaning forward he put his head down burying his face in the somewhat soft hospital blanket. The tears that fell wet the material. He tried not to move as he sobbed into her hospital bed. He wanted her to sleep, to rest, to be well. 

"Shhh, it's okay." The hand on his forearm felt like home. Her thumb was grazing his faded scars. Her other hand carded through his hair as he cried. "You're okay."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Basically the flashback scene takes place in Syria just after their second meeting and the first time they had sex. In it Trent is visibly uncomfortable with the scars on his arm and she makes him less uncomfortable. 
> 
> Hope everyone enjoyed. Please review.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is a bit shorter for reasons that will be obvious! 
> 
> Reviews/comments are always read and appreciated. 
> 
> Enjoy!

Trent didn't bother to try to compose himself. He just cried. He cried in relief, cried in guilt for the stupid fight that was their first and almost their last, he cried as he pictured her gasping for breath and screaming out as he rammed tubing inside her. 

"I'm so so sorry, Rena." He looked up after 15 minutes with red rimmed still dripping eyes.

"For being right?" Rena still held his arm but moved her other hand to move her own hair. 

"For saying it, for being right, for the IV, for the chest tube. I'm so sorry for all of it." His eyes darted down in shame. 

"Trent, Trent Sawyer, look at me." Trent's eyes met hers. "If you had been wrong that would have been amazing, but you weren't. And if you hadn't given me an IV and a chest tube... would we be talking or would you be apologizing for something else?" She squeezed his arm. 

"The medical intervention saved your life." Trent nodded. 

"No Trent. You saved my life and I hoped it wouldn't be your team called up." Serena smiled softly. 

"Because you thought I would say 'I told you so' because I won't." Trent reached out for her other hand. 

"No. Because I knew it would damn near break you and because now I am pretty certain I have to meet the rest of Bravo." She laid her head back on the pillow. 

"They're outside the room. Mandy got you classified as an agency asset. Bravo is your personal protection detail until we are stateside." Trent lowered his eyes again. "I think it did break me a little." 

"Mandy? Oh your friend that you never call by her last name. She CIA?" Rena's eyelids dipped. 

"Yeah." Trent let go of her hand. "I'm gonna wash my face then Clay is coming in as part of your in room detail. Sonny and Brock are right outside." Trent stood. 

"I've met Brock but I don't think Sonny. Right?" She looked at him confused. 

"You were sleeping." Trent stepped into the bathroom and turned on the facet. The water was lukewarm at best as he splashed it on his face and it dripped from his beard. Grabbing a hand towel and rubbing it roughly on his puffy eyes he turned back to her. "I can bring him in if you want?"

"Trent I know this is stupid but what if your team hates me?" Serena's eyes filled with tears as she tried not to cry. "Why am I crying?" 

Trent crossed the room. "You have a concussion. Rena, when your bell is rung emotions can be hard." He sat on the edge of her bed and ran his hands up and down her upper arms. 

"Oh. This happens to you too?" Rena took the tissue he was offering.

"Not every time but yeah." Trent smiled at her. "Rena I'm gonna have Sonny come inside. He already said he likes you." Trent waited for her to wipe the last of her tears.

Opening the door to her hospital room he glanced at his brother's before settling his eyes on Sonny. "Hey Son, she wants to me you."

"Well of course she does!" Sonny stepped into the room. "Years of the big guy telling you all about the amazing and wonderful Sonny Quinn, how could you not want to meet me?" He smiled as big as he could. 

"Well actually it was more of reckless, half-assed, half-drunk, and full of himself than wonderful and amazing." She grinned at him. "I'm Serena."

"And now I'm offended!" Sonny still smiled. "You changing things up to look like the hero here, Trent?"

"Just speaking truths, Sonny." Trent laughed.

Serena shift slightly and winced. "How ya feelin'? Trent isn't exactly gentle."

"Sore. Tired. Starving." She glanced to Trent. "He got the job done."

"Always does." Sonny's smile was gone as the seriousness of the statement took hold. "She allowed to eat Trent?"

"Yeah. Jason and Ray should be here soon with food. Ray texted, they found a pizza place on base." Trent sat back down.

"Good. I should switch out with Poster Boy before they get back. It was real nice to meet you, Ginger Snaps." Sonny smiled proudly at the nickname.

"Sonny the cookie is a Ginger Snap." Trent said dryly.

"But she takes pics so she snaps!" Sonny laughed.

"Sonny if you have to explain." Trent shook his head. "Nevermind."

"It was nice to meet you too Sonny." Serena yawned.

Clay stepped into the room as Sonny stepped out. "Hey Rena how you doing?"

"Ready to eat and go home." She looked to Trent.

"I'm sure." Clay moved to lean against the window. "Food should be here so..." The last word of his sentence would have been 'soon' but the window shattering behind him stopped it. 

"SNIPER!" Trent yelled as he pulled Serena to the floor covering her with his own body.

The door swung open but no one enter. "Sitrep!" Sonny's voice echoed as yelling was heard in the hallway. 

"Pinned down. 6 you good?" Trent yelled back. 

There was no response. 

"SIX, answer me!" Sonny yelled. 

"Spenser! What's your status?" Brock's voice joined. "Clay!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well apparently the whip needed to be spread around a bit! Hope you enjoyed!


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I must admit I struggle with actiom scenes. I am much more comfortable writing the after effects of trauma than I am writing the cause of it... basically I can see it but don't think it comes across the way I hope.... let me know what you all think.
> 
> Enjoy!

"Go! Trent, go to him." Serena was squirming below him. "I can get to Sonny at the door."

Trent looked into her eyes. "You stay here. There is cover here." She nodded. 

"Trent hold position. Ray and Jace are heading to the roof. Ray will pick off the sniper then you can move." Brock called out. 

"Six could be bleeding out, Brock!" Trent shifted carefully off of Serena.

"Trent he might already be...fallen. Isn't makin' a damn sound. Stay the hell where you are!" Sonny's voice broke at the word fallen. 

"If you can get there... do it!" She had fear in her eyes. 

"I love you." Trent said it for the first time as moved from her and crawled to the end of the bed. 

Peeking around the edge carefully he could see Clay. His youngest brother was laying on his side facing away from him with blood pooling around him. He watched and finally saw a shallow breath.

"Trent get your ass back." Sonny's words were ignored as he rounded the bed and the shooting started again. 

Trent dove and rolled to the opposite wall close to the window. "He breathing!" 

"Thank God. Now keep your head down." Brock yelled over the hospital's fire alarm. 

Eric ran down the hall as the last of the shots rang out before sliding to a stop next to Sonny on one side of the door. He had a phone to his ear. "Good Copy Bravo 1. Threat is neutralized." 

Trent was on his knees and rolling Clay as their commander finished his sentence. The blood was coming from both his left shoulder and a gash at his hairlie. Brock moved into the room and immediately to Trent. 

"Pressure on the shoulder. Looks like a through and through. I've got the head lac." Trent moved with practiced ease. 

In the hallway Blackburn was yelling over the fire alarm to Davis to get anything needed to exfil to the C-17. Sonny stepped toward Serena. "Hey there Ginger Snaps, I'm gonna help you up. We're heading home a little sooner than expected. If you need to lean I'm right here. I got ya." 

Serena attempted to get her footing and stumbled. "Sonny, I'm not sure..." before she could continue she was in his arms and headed down the hallway. 

"Where we meeting Jace and Ray?" Sonny called ahead to Eric who was leading them as Trent and Brock followed with a still unconscious Clay.

"Ambulance Bay. Davis and Mandy are there. Acquired a fully stocked rig to get us back to the plane." Blackburn led with a hand gun sweeping ahead. 

They made it down the four flights of stairs and to the emergency department where the   
ambulance bay was located without incident. Mandy opened the back doors of the ambulance as Trent and Brock jostled Clay inside. Brock then grabbed the keys from her and moved to the drivers seat. 

In the back of the crowed ambulance as Brock pulled away Trent focused on Clay. "Someone hand me the smelling salts." He reached forward as Sonny passed the requested item. "Now everyone get back as far as you can."

"Maybe we should wait until we get to the plane?" Jason asked as he shifted back. 

"Need to assess him before we get in the air." Trent snapped the smelling salts open and held them below Clay's nose.

"Fuck." Clay's eyes flew open but as he tried to take a swing at Trent his left shoulder lifted from the gurney and he slumped back closing them. "Four, that better be you."

"It's me brother. We're on our way to the airfield." Trent reached for the IV tubing. 

"Getting out of dodge?" Clay looked around confused.

"Sniper decided to take pot shots at the hospital room. Security was compromised. We needed to move." Ray stated. 

Clay tipped his head back. "I'm hit?" Clay looked back at Trent. "My head hurts. What happened?"

"Clay, what is the last thing you remember?" Trent looked at the others.

"Umm we're in J-bad still right?" Clay's eyes filled with panic. 

"Yeah buddy that's right. Can you name everyone here?" Trent shifted slightly. 

"Eric, Jason, Ray, Sonny, you, and I don't know her." Clay's eyes slipped closed.

"That's okay. You're gonna be just fine." Trent grabbed a blood pressure cuff and quickly wrapped it around Clay's right arm. "Broke a table with your head but you're good."

"Trent, I think I hurt my shoulder. Probably nothing but maybe you should take a look." Clay looked like a guilty child as the men in the back of the ambulance tried not to show their panic. 

"Yup kid you did hurt it. I'll make sure you're good though." Trent grabbed a penlight. "Need to check your pupils."

"Trent, I don't feel great. Think I might have a stomach bug or something." Trent turned just in time not to wear vomit but reached back to help steady Clay. 

"Easy Kid." Trent leaned him back and picked up the flashlight. He flashed the light back and forth a few times. 

"Fuck, Trent, did I get shot?" Clay looked around at his brothers. 

Trent injected two syringes into the IV line. "This should help brother." He disposed of them in a sharps container before turning back to the rest of them. "It's a bad concussion. His pupils are sluggish but not blown. He's obviously confused. When we get to the airfield I need to make a couple calls. I'm not sure if he should fly." Trent shook his head slowly.

"Trent I'm better I can go on the op. Don't feel that sick anymore." Clay's words slurred slightly. 

"I'm sure you do I gave you IV Ativan and Compazine. Might make you a bit sleepy." Trent again turned to the others. "Confusion is raising his BP. Need him calm."

"We need a plan B if he can't fly." Jason looked to Blackburn. 

"I'm so sorry this all happened." Serena whispered it to no one but Sonny who was beside her wrapped his arm around her gently, as much for his own comfort as hers. 

"Hey this ain't your fault." Sonny whispered to her. 

"Yeah." She whispered it back as the ambulance pulled up beside the C-17. 

Blackburn exited the vehicle to go converse with the pilot and make phone calls while Trent was handed a sat phone to make the calls he needed to make. Duncan and some of the support team moved Clay from the ambulance to the plane while Trent paced the tarmac. Finally he turned toward Jason and Ray giving them a thumbs up which was quickly relayed to Blackburn. 

Trent joined the others near the medical area of the plane. "Where's Serena?"

"Davis is giving her some clothes. She's still in a hospital gown." Ray watched as Trent relaxed. 

"I bet she's feeding her too. Never got any damn pizza." Sonny shrugged. 

"Kid's really out of it." Jason looked to Trent for answers he didn't have. 

"Yeah he is." Trent walked to Duncan.

They reached cruising altitude and all had eaten at Davis's instance. Then milled around closely waiting for Clay to wake. It took three hours. 

"Ugh." He shifted slightly and winced. "Tr'nt."

"I'm here. Don't try to move too much. How are you feeling?" Trent held his breath.

"Like I got shot and then my head slammed into a brick wall." Clay kept his eyes closed as Trent motioned for the team to come closer. 

"Good. That's basically what happened. Can you open those baby blues and name the people with us?" Trent waited until they were standing close to ask him. 

He slowly opened his eyes against the light before turning to the others. "Brock, Boss... ehrm Jace... Jason, Ray, and Sonny." He looked around confused. "Trent were we attacked at the hospital? Rena? Is she okay?" Clay attempted to sit before Trent put a hand on his chest. 

"Hey slow down. She's good. Sleeping in my hammock." Trent turned and pointed as she sat up at the commotion. Sonny walked to her as the hammock swung and she attempted to get down. "Or she was asleep." 

She limped forward while Sonny held her around the waist. "Hey, Kid. You remember me now?" 

"Spenser even Ginger Snaps calls you that!" Sonny laughed as Trent reached them and slid into her other side allowing her to let go of Sonny. 

"Ginger Snaps?" Clay smiled. "I remember you getting me pancakes after a real bad night." 

"Knew there was more to that story than a strained muscle." Jason mumbled it to Ray but the others heard. 

"Pancakes and a smoothie." She smiled at him. "Can we get smoothies when we get home?" She looked to Trent. 

"Sure." He shook his head while smiling down at her. 

"I'm confused. Why were we attacked while on a fake protection detail?" Clay looked from one to the other. 

"Fake?" Serena looked at Trent. 

"So I wouldn't have to immediately leave Germany and could stay with you. And Clay, Mandy and Davis are trying to figure that out now." 

Serena's face paled. "The flash drive. Where is it?" 

"Davis has it. What don't we know?" Jason moved toward her. 

"There are embedded files hidden in the images of Trent." Serena leaned more into him feeling weak. 

"Mandy!" Brock called her name.


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Boy my one shot is getting long! Hope you all enjoy this chapter and thank you for those who take the time to comment.
> 
> Anybody interested in reading the alternative second chapter that was originally planned? If so let me know otherwise I won't type it out. 
> 
> Enjoy!

"Mandy it's enough." Trent stood next to the table beside Serena. 

"Trent, we need the information." Mandy looked to him sympathetically. 

"Mandy I'm saying enough. She's hurt, sick, exhausted and needs to rest. You can talk more later but it's been two hours!" Trent bit back. 

"I'm fine." Serena looked up at him. 

"If it was anyone else you would have no issue so I need you to go back and take care of Clay." Mandy spat back at him. 

"Anyone else? She's not an operator Mandy." Trent balled his fists. 

"What's the issue?" Blackburn barked as he got closer. 

Trent spun to look at his commander. "The issue is Serena has a concussion, a severe infection, she's dehydrated and exhausted. Mandy has been interrogating her for two hours and it's time for a damn break, Eric."

"I'm not interrogating her!" Mandy was officially pissed. "She is an agency asset with information. It's called questioning." 

"Ha! An agency asset? Should have known that would bite us in the ass." Trent let his anger spill over.

"Knock it off, Trent." Brock stood.

"Really, Brock? She doesn't need you to fight her battles." Trent stepped closer to his best friend. 

"And neither does Serena! She's a grown woman who travels from combat zone to combat zone for a living. She made choices that led to her having information so now it is my job to get it." Mandy stepped between them. 

"ENOUGH." Jason yelled. "From all of you." He turned to Serena. "You okay to keep going or do you need need a break?"

"I'm fine. Thank you for asking. Tylenol and some coffee maybe but otherwise I'm okay." She looked at Trent as she finished the sentence. 

"Trent, go back to the medical area." Blackburn made it clear that it was an order. "Brock go rack out." He waited until they both walked away before turning to Jason who shrugged at the questioning look. 

"Everyone's running hills." Jason spoke softly as he walked away leaving the two women at the table alone. 

"Sorry." Serena looked at Mandy.

"It's fine. Let's continue. So you were in Kandahar Province and then what? Tell me again." Mandy took notes as she spoke. 

"A contact of my translator heard there was an American expat in the area at a training camp. I called Jack. We had worked together in the past but weren't currently. Anyway he had heard and dismissed the same rumors. We decided to check it out together. We travelled into Pakistan. I have photos of the camp and the back of the American but not his face from there. We travelled together back into Afghanistan and from there to Cyprus. Eventually landing in Kenya, we crossed into Somalia where we were able to confirm both the American's presence and that he was in fact training fighters there too before we were captured. In the last picture on the flash drive there is an image of him if you want me to pull it up." Serena repeated the story for what felt like the hundredth time. 

"Here." Mandy pushed the laptop closer to her. 

The last image on the flash drive opened. In the picture Trent was leaning back on his couch wearing dark gray sweatpants and a white and faded red Bakersfield College sweatshirt. His eyes were closed and his mouth slightly open. Clay was beside him, also appearing to sleep with his head resting on Trent's shoulder. "That was the day I met Clay." 

"Clay said he had a strained muscle he needed Trent to check out the day he met you." Mandy didn't need the truth but needed her to know their cover story. 

"Yeah. Seemed they both did. The heart is muscle right?" Serena raised an eyebrow at Mandy. 

"Sure is." Mandy smiled. 

Serena clicked three times before the secondary file opened. "Did everyone really believe I just traveled around with pictures of him on a flash drive? That I would be that stupid?"

"Yeah... sort of." 

"I included pictures of his uniform with Bravo's insignia. Pictures of him in his college sweatshirt. Hell there is one in dress uniform after a funeral and one with his name clearly visible." She turned to face Mandy. "I needed this to get back to him... even if I didn't."

Mandy nodded as she turned the laptop seeing the man Serena had followed across two continents. "We're done here." Mandy replaced the mask she was wearing with a smile. "Get some rest before he bites my head off again."

"Or him and Brock come to blows?" Serena smiled back and stood slowly using the table to keep her balance. "Sort of hate admitting this but he might have been right." She lowered herself back into the chair. 

"I'll grab him." Mandy stood.

"Wait." Serena exhaled slowly. "I just need a minute." 

"It's okay. He'll be pissed either way." Mandy walked toward the medical area of the plane. 

Trent was checking Clay's vitals when Mandy approached. "We're done." She looked at him apologetically. "She's pretty worn out."

"Yeah? Seems like I said she might be." Trent turned to her. 

"Trent..." Mandy looked away.

"I don't... I have things to do." He walked away frim Mandy to Serena. 

"Hey, I'm sorry if you are mad but I had to help where I could." Serena looked at him with pain in her eyes.

"Is that how it's always going to be? You do something I don't think is a good idea and then you tell me you're sorry I didn't agree but you did it anyway?" Trent knelt beside her taking her pulse.

"Maybe." She looked at him defiantly. "You plan to stop doing things that could get you killed anytime soon?"

"That's different." Trent looked up from his watch.

"How?" She implored as he shook his head at her.

"Because it is." Trent let go of her wrist. 

"You're right. You know when we were being shot at and I told you to go to Clay... that's what I didn't want to know by knowing them." Serena lowered her voice.

"What?" Trent took her hand. 

"I didn't want to know that their lives were more important than yours. I didn't want to imagine you risking everything to bring them home... and now I've actually seen it." Her eyes welled.

"Their lives aren't more important... but they are as important. Serena, you told me to go to him?" Trent wasn't sure he had ever been more confused. 

"Trent, everything in you needed to go to him... I didn't want you to hate me for not doing it." She shifted slightly in the chair.

"He's my brother."

"I know that, now more than ever before." She attempted to move and winced at the pain in her leg. "Trent, I don't feel great."

"I know. Let's get you more comfortable. And unfortunately we need to start an IV for more antibiotics." He shifted to lift her. 

Cradled in his arms she looked up to him. "Why'd you say it then?"

"I needed you to know. Seems like my whole team knew and I've known for longer than I want to admit but I'd never said it. I never made sure you knew and I needed to be certain you knew." Trent held her not moving toward the crowded medical area. 

"Can someone else start the IV? I'd rather you just held my hand. And I know, Trent... I've always known." She lowered her head onto his shoulder. "Do you know?"

"I know." Trent moved to the medical area and looked around for Duncan before realizing the man was asleep. 

"Hey, Jace. You wanna help me out here? Need an IV started and I'd rather just hold her hand this time." Trent glanced back to her.


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I'm not entirely sure what happened here. This chapter sort of spiraled in an unexpected way. Let me know what you all think. 
> 
> I hope this chapter is enjoyable. 
> 
> I apologize for the wait on this chapter. I had a complicated family situation pop up that sort of blindsided me. 
> 
> Reviews are always welcome.

"Trent, when do we land?" Clay shifted as best he could. 

"Hey bud. We land in an hour or so. How you doing? Pain? Nausea?" Trent stepped closer to the gurney. 

"Yeah. Umm shoulder is like a 6 or 7 and yeah I feel like I might puke. Plane vibrating isn't helping much." Clay kept his eyes closed as they spoke. 

Trent reached for the medication needed and rolled the vile of morphine in his palm rolling it back and forth as he grabbed a syringe. The memory of numbness hadn't faded. He doubted it ever actually would disappear as he had once hoped. He glanced to Rena sleeping nearby as he withdrew the drug pulling back on the plunger.

"I'm giving you some more morphine and antiemetics. It should help. When we land you'll be checked out at the base hospital before coming home with me." Trent injected the drugs into his IV line. 

"You'll have your hands full. I can crash with Jase or Ray." Clay relaxed as the medication flowed into him. "Or Sonny."

"I'd rather keep an eye on you myself." Trent patted his right shoulder. "Sleep if you can."

"Tr'nt" His words slurred as the morphine took hold. "Than's. Feel better." 

"Of course, brother." Trent sat back in the net seating. 

Jason stood nearby watching the interaction between his medic and his Kid. When Trent finally sat and Clay drifted into a drug induced haze he made his way closer. Sitting beside Trent he nudged his knee against Trent's. 

"Where's your head?" Jason looked at him.

"I'm good, Boss." Trent looked up him with certainty on his face.

"You sure about that?" Jason questioned. 

"I was until you asked... what's up, Jace?" Trent's elbows were on his knees.

"Trent, is there a reason you're spinning a vile of morphine in your hand? Is there a reason you didn't put it back?" He said the words like a man who didn't really want an answer. 

Trent exhaled slowly before standing and putting the medication back in the cabinet. Turning back to Jason he shrugged. "Didn't even realize I was doing it." Trent returned to his seat. "Not sure what that says."

"Says it's been an awful few days." Jason sat for a minute before continuing. "Brock could come stay on your couch to help out."

"I'm sure he has plans." Trent didn't say more. 

"Yeah well Team comes first." Jason stretched. 

"I've got them. It'll be fine." Trent looked back to him. 

"I know you have them, I'm making sure someone has you." Jason stood. "So who you want? Because one of us has your couch for at least a few nights."

"No point in arguing?" Trent sighed.

"None at all." Jason walked away.

The plane landed in a downpour. The type of rain that almost instantly soaks straight though clothing making it stick to every part of a person. Trent tried not to shake as he helped load Clay into the waiting ambulance. It was the second ambulance pulling away as Clay had insisted Serena be loaded first, even as Trent and Duncan argued.

The umbrellas Davis had provided did little to keep them dry as the wind blew the rain in every direction but up. As they walked to the waiting vehicles Trent was vaguely aware of his brothers surrounding him. He could hear Sonny complaining about the change from desert to hurricane conditions while the others laughed. Slamming the door shut behind him after climbing in the back seat of the SUV he exhaled slowly grateful for just a moment of silence. 

Jason and Ray took the front two seats as Sonny and Brock approached. The door opposite Trent opened and Brock slid into the middle seat while Sonny climbed beside him. 

The sound of the windshield wipers and the rain hitting the roof of the SUV were rhythmic. Trent leaned back in the seat wishing for distraction. "Ray, radio?"

"Huh?" Ray turned to him from the passenger seat.

"Radio?" Trent repeated his request.

"Oh yeah." Ray turned and switched the music on as they made the short trip to the second hospital in as many days. 

Walking down the long hallway by himself Trent felt more exhausted than he had since SERE training. The rest of the team had gone to check in on Clay and had promised to text him an update on their kid brother as soon as they had any information. Trent had gone to be with Rena. 

A part of him felt guilty leaving Clay but he knew the others would get accurate information and he would speak to the doctors before discharge. He assumed that would either be later today or tomorrow as Clay had already tried to refuse to even come here despite his pain level. He slowed as he approached her room. 

"I want to leave." She was sitting on the edge of the bed as he opened the door.

"What do the doctor's say?" Trent stepped inside.

"That I have to stay." She attempted to stand. 

"Then maybe you should." Trent crossed the room to prevent her from stumbling. 

"I want to leave." She clung to him. 

"I know but we really need to think about what is best." Trent held her upright as he spoke to her wondering how many times he had tried to convince people to stay hospitalized in his lifetime.

She shook in his arms. "I can't stay here." He could feel her panic set in as her respiration rate increased. "Please don't make me stay here."

"Okay. Okay take a deep breath. You're okay and we're going home soon." Trent held her as closely as he could wondering if it was the sniper in Germany or the experience in Somalia triggering a reaction. "Ssh it's okay." He moved so he could lower them both into a sitting position on the bed. 

She hiccupped as her breathing evened out and her tears continued. Holding her gently but securely he sat. Trent did his best to practice sniper breathing in the hopes that she would imitate it but that didn't seem to be helping. 

"I wish I had a cigarette." She shifted to sit next to him, still trembling but calmer. 

"When was your last?" He laughed at the detail he had never known. 

"About a decade ago." 

"I'm going to call the nurse to get you discharged." Trent reached for the call button. "We all have our vices."

"Yeah." She leaned into him listening to him speak through the intercom but not actually hearing the words.

The soft knock on the door caused her to tense. Trent wrapped his arm around her shoulder sitting beside her. Running his hand slowly up and down. 

"Hey guys, sorry to interrupt. Clay's good to go. Just checking in to see if you're staying." Brock spoke to Serena. 

Shaking her head and staring ahead but not at him she spoke. "No, I'm not staying."

"Just waiting on paperwork. He actually cleared or just stubborn enough to win the argument with a resident whose attending will later rip them apart for it?" Trent hoped it was the first but doubted it. 

"Well... yeah he can be pretty stubborn. Said your guestroom is better than this place." Brock half smiled.

Three hours later Trent was leaning on the doorframe of his bedroom watching her sleep. She had the blankets pulled as high as they would go with just a splash of long red hair showing. And still he could see her tremble. 

"Clay's asleep too." Brock stood beside him. 

"You don't have to stay." Trent didn't turn to him. 

"I'm staying." Brock stood still. 

"Because Jason ordered you to?" Trent spoke with no emotion. 

"Wow. Really, Trent?" Brock turned and walked into the kitchen. 

"Yeah really." Trent followed. 

"Actually I was staying in case you needed help. I was staying because I thought you would want me here." Brock spoke in a hushed tone. 

"So Jason didn't order you to stay? I don't want you here if you have better places to be." Trent opened the fridge and stared at his lack of food.

"He asked who wanted to stay. It was never an order.... What exactly did I do to you? Or not do for you?" Brock's voice rose.

Trent wanted to slam the fridge door shut but instead took a deep breath. "I'm not doing this."

"Oh I'm sorry I didn't realize the conversation was optional." Brock threw his hands in the air.

"Just call Jason and tell him I kicked you out." Trent said evenly as he walked into the living room and opened a desk drawer that contained numerous takeout menus. 

"Really?" Brock's frustration rang in his voice.

"Really. Brock I'm not sure what you don't understand here. Grab your stuff and go away." Trent turned away once again. 

"Why are you so pissed?" Brock grabbed his duffle and took two steps to the door before turning back. 

"Brock, I'm tired and sore and hungry and I really don't want to do this." Trent pulled out his phone after finding the menu he was looking for. 

"Okay. I'll go, but just remember you're the one that told me to." He slowly reached for the knob. 

"This time." Trent's voice was just above a whisper. 

"What?" Brock let the bag fall from his shoulder. 

"This time I asked you to leave. But the last... what year or so you haven't really been around anyway, have you?" Trent sat down. 

"I'm not the only one who has things they don't share. I'm not the only one." Brock shut the door.

"Yeah." Trent looked up at him. 

"It's not that I don't want to..." Brock sat at the opposite end of the couch.

"I know. I've missed you." Trent handed him the takeout menu. "Chinese?"

"You know the food in China is nothing like what we call Chinese food here?" Brock looked at him. 

"You know you say that every time we get Chinese?" Trent laughed. "Just pick something."


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter didn't want to end. I'm not really sure where it would have gone but it needed to end.. because bed. I hope you all enjoy. Thank you to everyone who has left comments and kudos it means so much.

"Vegetable lo mein." Trent handed him the container. 

"I wanted to tell you." Brock took his food and looked away. 

"It's complicated." Trent reached for chopsticks. 

"Yeah." Brock poked at his food. "I've never felt more complete or more alone."

Trent watched his brother and for the first time saw that the avoidance had hurt Brock more than anyone. "So what now?"

"Not sure. Should probably talk to her." Brock continued to play with his food. 

"Eat." Trent stood. "I'm going to see if Clay is hungry."

"Serena?" Brock slurped noodles into his mouth. 

"I sedated her. She'll be out for hours." Trent looked tired. 

"She'll be okay, Trent." Brock messed with his food more. "Mandy and Davis are coming with the guys later to update everyone on the situation."

"Yeah. This year has felt longer than it has been." Trent cracked the door open to Clay's current room. "Hey Kid, how long you been awake?"

"Thought I smelled food. Just couldn't quite sit up by myself." Clay really had been struggling to sit but he had also heard his brother's conversation and chosen not to interupt.

Trent moved into the room and stopped beside Clay. Gently he took ahold of him and slowly lifted him. "You doing okay?"

Clay was exhaling slowly and trying not to pant as he adjusted to sitting. "Yeah just need a minute." He winced as he moved his legs off the bed and the room began to spin. "Honestly this sucks. At least with my leg there was so much nerve damage I didn't feel it at first, you know?"

Trent's left hand went to his scars as he looked down. "Yeah." Trent looked back up at him. "Let's go eat."

By the time Mandy arrived later in the evening the entirety of Bravo was assembled in various locations around Trent's kitchen and living room. Davis was unpacking groceries and guessing at the organization of the team's medic. Jason was handing out drinks to everyone while Ray ordered pizzas. Brock was changing the sheets on the guest bed. Clay was half sitting and half laying on Trent's couch. Sonny had taken it upon himself to sweep the kitchen floor for the sake of usefulness or to annoy Davis, no one quite knew which. Trent was sitting on his recliner trying to stay awake amid the chaos. 

Mandy stepped into the guest room where Brock was straightening up. "About to start." She smiled at him. 

"Be right out." He didn't look to her. 

"You okay?" She shut the door behind her. 

"Yeah, no? I'm not sure." Brock turned to face her. "I don't like lying to them." 

"Me either. Especially when they all seem to know anyway." Mandy stepped to his back and ran her hand in circular motions across his tense shoulders. 

"So maybe we just stop trying to hide." Brock turned to her standing closely. 

Trent didn't think before he opened the door and instantly regretted it. Both his friends instantly tensed but neither moved from the other. "Sorry. Guys are getting antsy."

"Be right out." Mandy spoke with her back to him as Brock smiled at him over her shoulder. 

Mandy stepped from the bedroom a minute later. Trent thought she looked like Emma when she had been caught kissing a boy at 15 years old after school. Cheeks flushed and smile sly, he wanted to laugh but didn't have the energy. Brock stepped out behind her. 

"Blackburn coming?" She looked around the room. 

"He said he'd catch up later." Jason nodded for her to start. 

"The pictures that Serena took were very helpful in identifying a man we only thought might exist. There has been chatter and rumors for a couple years that an American was training forces for Al-qaeda and it's subsidiaries. Apparently he has been training them in interrogation and well basically SERE. Her photos not only confirmed the rumors but also identified the man as Will Adams. Adams was at one point CIA but hasn't been with the agency for an undisclosed amount of time. I actually went through the farm with him." Mandy watched the group react. 

"That's why they wanted her eliminated." Sonny spoke. "So once he is dealt with... what does that mean for her?"

"Honestly, I'm not sure. Alpha has been tasked with dealing with him." Mandy turned to Trent. 

"Mandy." Serena stepped from the bedroom. "I'll never do my job again will I?" There was acceptance in her voice. 

"I'm sorry. I don't think so." Mandy looked down. "At least not internationally."

"Okay." Serena turned and shut the bedroom door behind her. 

Trent opened the door and stepped inside. The bedroom was empty but the bathroom door had been left open. Serena was standing staring at herself in the mirror. 

"Hey." Trent entered the small space. She continued to blankly gaze at herself. Reaching out he tried to tuck her hair behind her ear. Instead she flinched away from his touch. 

She cowered against the shower door with her arms wrapped around herself as he froze in place with his hand still in the air. "I'm sorry." She whispered. 

"No. You didn't do anything wrong." Trent leaned against the sink away from the doorway he had been blocking. He suddenly wanted to vomit.

He stood in the small room trying not to cry. Trying not to think of the reality of being a female hostage. He could feel his hands shaking as he held the porcelain sink. The pain and rage filling him made him want to join Alpha team and destroy the man he was suddenly sure had violated her in ways he never wanted to know but knew he would have to know. 

Trent lowered himself to the cold tile floor while she watched him moving deliberately. He didn't move closer. He didn't speak. He tried to make himself look smaller, look less threatening, tried not to block the door. Tried anything he could think to not see the panic in her eyes. 

"I should have realized why you refused the full medical exam." Trent kept his voice soft. 

"What?" Her voice trembled. 

Trent shifted further away from her. "Did they hurt you?" He couldn't say it, couldn't use the word 'rape', not yet. 

Suddenly she understood. She understood why he was sitting, speaking in a tone he had never used with her before, why he was pulling away in a way she didn't even know she needed.

"Trent, they didn't rape me..." Tears filled her eyes as she struggled to continue. "One of them tried. That's when Jack fought back. It's when they... the man in the van. He was guarding us in the back... before the hoods." Tears were streaming down her face mixing with snot. Her breath was rapid and almost desperate. Trent wanted to calm her, to somehow make this all go away but knew she needed to tell him this part of her. "He started speaking but I didn't understand him. Then he... He reached out and started I don't know petting me, stroking my hair. He liked my hair. Jack started yelling at him in Arabic. The man was angry." Her voice was just above a whisper. "He grabbed my hair and yanked it so hard...some came out in his hand. He slammed me into the side of the van... I laid there while he beat Jack almost to death." A sob escaped her loud enough that Trent was sure his brothers were alerted. "I couldn't move and the whole would spun." She crumbled to the floor. "Jack died the next morning."

"Can I hold you?" Trent moved an inch closer. He longed to wrap her in his arms. Her nod finished his movement across the floor. "What do you need right now?"

She crawled into his lap closing her eyes. "Scissors." 

"I have medical ones in my kit." Trent spoke into the top of her head. 

"They'll work." She gripped his shirt with both of her hands shaking. 

"Davis and Mandy could help." Trent ran his hand up and down her spine. 

"Will you?" She looked up at him. 

"Yeah. I'm not sure what to do but yeah." Trent exhaled. 

Inches of red hair fell to the white tile floor as he worked his way around her head. Her once almost hip length hair now hit at her collarbone as Trent tried to make it as even as he could using medical scissors. Once he was satisfied with the job he put the scissors down and turned to face her. 

"I think I'm done." Trent suddenly worried she would cringe when she saw what he had accomplished. 

She turned to face the mirror running her fingers threw her much shorter hair. "Thank you." The smile that graced her lips filled him with a strange pride at the job he had done. "Can I shower?"

"If I wrap that leg first yes." Trent stepped from the bathroom and moved his medkit that was open on the bed aside. "Sit here."

He carefully wrapped both her leg and added tegaderm to the spot where he had inserted the chest tube. He hoped desperately she didn't see him flinch when she lifted her shirt as he finished wrapping her leg. It wasn't the mark itself that bothered him but the knowledge that his own hands had caused it. 

"I'm going to sweep up the hair then go check on Clay. Do you need anything before I go?" Trent spoke through the shower curtain. 

"I'm good. Thank you, Trent." She pulled the curtain back slightly to look at him.

Trent shut the bedroom door as he stepped back into the main living space. There were pizza boxes on the table but it was obvious the others had eaten. Mandy and Davis were standing in the kitchen chatting while the rest of Bravo were camped in the living room. Sonny turned at the sound of the door. 

"Ginger snaps doing okay?" Sonny's accent told of his exhaustion.

"I don't really know." Trent opened a pizza box and pulled out a slice. He took three bites before his unsettled stomach protested and he gave up instead reaching for water. He sat at the table and sipped slowly. 

Mandy glanced to Brock before Jason stood and joined Trent at the table. "You doing okay?"

"I really thought the hard part was going to be bringing her home not having her home." Trent fixated on the grain of the table's wood.

"She needs time, Trent. Hasn't even been 24 hours." Jason leaned back in the chair while the others tried not to overhear their conversation or at least not be obviously eavesdropping.

"Jack Carson died stopping one of them from raping her. That's how he died." Trent said it loud enough for them all to hear.

"Trent." Mandy joined them at the table. "Jack Carson has a 17 year old daughter. I read it in the Intel before the op. She should know." 

"I'll talk to Rena." Trent looked around at the group. "I never said thank you. To you all." His voice cracked. "So thank you for bringing her home, for allowing me to come, for being here now." 

"Team's family." Clay spoke from the couch as his head lolled to the side. 

"And family is there always." Brock stepped closer locking eyes with Trent. "Family also sometimes says what you don't want to hear... Trent you look like shit, maybe go lay down." 

Serena walked from the bedroom wearing leggings Davis had bought for her and a Bravo t-shirt. Her much shorter hair loosely hung just below her shoulders. "You do look exhausted." She stood behind him with her hands on his shoulders. 

"Ginger Snaps! Your hair looks great!" Sonny smiled broadly at her. 

"Thanks, Sonny. Trent is a man of many talents." She glanced down at him as he looked over his shoulder at her smiling. 

"You let Trent cut your hair?" Davis chuckled. 

"Extenuating circumstances?" Serena reached for pizza as she said it. "I think it turned out pretty good though."

"It did." Mandy laughed. "I guess of all the guys the one with the steadiest hands would be the medic."

"I take offence to that I think snipers." Ray said it without thinking but Serena paled anyway. "Shit. I'm sorry."

Trent shifted slightly watching her place her right hand on the left side of her chest. Guilt washed over him. He wondered if he would ever not hear her screams while he did what he had to do to save her life. 

"Bed?" Trent looked to her as she nodded. "Me too. Brock has the couch, recliner is free. Clay in the guest room. Night everyone."


	15. Chapter 15

Trent woke to his phone vibrating. He muted the notification and rolled back over to her. She seemed to be sleeping peacefully tucked beside him. The buzzing of his phone again was nothing but a frustration as he rolled over to grab it from his nightstand. 

Serena shifted as he crawled from the bed. "What time is it?"

"It's seven. Sorry I woke you. I have to go to base." Trent was sitting stiffly on the edge of the bed. 

"When will you be back? Do you know?" She sat up.

"No later than dinner. We were called in for the AAR." Trent grabbed jeans from his dresser. "They need to have everything in order to authorize any action."

"So you are all going?" She pulled the blankets higher. 

"Well Clay will be here. Unless you want to come to base, then you both come." Trent watched for nonverbal ques that she didn't feel safe.

"No reason to drag him along, he needs to rest. We'll be fine here." Serena relaxed against the pillows. 

"Okay." Trent dressed quickly and grabbed a sweatshirt before rounding the bed to say goodbye. 

Leaning down he kissed her lips with his hand on her neck, his thumb on her cheek. Serena instinctively deepened the kiss as her arms wrapped around his neck. Trent didn't pull away instead putting his free hand down on the mattress hovering above her. 

Trent knew he had to leave, knew that Brock was sitting in his couch ready to leave, knew that Sonny was in the guest bathroom and almost ready to leave, but everything in him told him to stay. 

Serena tipped her head back as he broke the kiss and his mouth went to her neck kissing downward to her collarbone. Her hips rose into him as she savored the feeling. Trent reached for her breast and cupped it gently. 

"God you feel good." He whispered it in her ear as his tongue began sucking her jaw line.

"We need to stop." Serena fought against her urges as she pushed against his chest. 

Trent pulled away and breathlessly spoke. "You're right. Work." He stood completely. "Just as soon as I calm down." He gestured to his bulging jeans. 

Serena laughed. "Trent I haven't taken my birth control pill since... You need to buy condoms before."

"I didn't think." Trent turned as he thought of a future with her that included little red haired children jumping into his bed too early in the morning. He was surprised by the joy he was suddenly overwhelmed with at the thought and wondered if motherhood was something she even wanted. "Can we talk about this more later?"

"Yeah we can, but Trent get condoms." She smiled at him with lust in her eyes. 

Serena got out of bed an hour after he left for base. Restlessness overwhelmed her so despite her throbbing leg and dull headache she folded the blankets in the living room and straightened up the kitchen. Moving slower than normal she didn't realize an hour had passed until her stomach growled and she looked at the clock. 

It was quiet in the house. Maybe a bit too quiet. She moved to turn on the radio and pulled leftover Chinese food from the fridge. 

Limping to the guest room she gently knocked. The lack of an answer immediately raised alarm in her. If Clay were anything like Trent the smallest nose even that of a camera clicking should wake him. Cracking the door slightly she knocked again. And again silence was the response. 

Serena pushed the door fully open and took a step into the darkened room before switching the light on. Clay was laying directly in the middle of the bed under a pile of blankets that almost completely concealed him. She walked to the bed and reached out to him, gripping his right shoulder gently. 

The first thing Serena knew when she touched the man was that he was burning up. The second was that she had made a mistake. She tried to pull away as Clay rapidly grabbed her wrist and twisted it. 

"Clay!" She yelled his name and although his eyes were open he didn't appear to actually see her. 

"Tr'nt?" Clay slurred and tried to move but seemed unable as he released his grip on her wrist. His face was a mixture of fear and confusion. 

"Hey, Clay, do you remember me? It's Serena." She held her wrist to her chest as she spoke. "Clay I know you aren't feeling good right now. I'm going to call Trent but I need to know what to tell him. I'll be right back okay?"

"Back wit Tr'nt." He mumbled the words as she went back to the master bedroom. 

She scrolled to Trent's name in her contacts as she dragged the medkit from under the bed where she had seen Trent store it after her haircut the night before. The call went straight to voicemail. "Trent, call me now." She tried to keep the pain from her voice as she cradled her swelling wrist. 

"Clay." She moved slowly into the room. Cautiously approached the bed. "Clay. You with me?" 

"Wit you." He shifted and grimaced. "Tr'nt?"

"He will be home soon. Asked me to take your temperature and get you to drink some water." Serena lied. 

"He comin'?" Clay's head rolled toward her. 

"Yeah he is." She opened the kit and removed the thermometer.

At the beep she glanced at the reading. She moved to the end of the bed before taking hold of the comforter and pulling it off of Clay. Clay groaned and trembled while reaching for his shoulder. 

"Clay where is your phone?" Serena began looking in the pockets of the jeans he had been wearing the night before. "Just want to call someone, Trent's phone is dying. I could try Sonnybor Brock with your phone."

"Dunno." He moved his head side to side as if that would help him think. 

"Okay that's okay. Can you take some Tylenol for me?" She removed the cap from the pills and tentatively stepped closer holding the pills out to him in her left hand.

Clay looked at the pills through one eye as the other stayed closed before relenting and dry swallowing them. Serena used her teeth to open a bottle water before repeating the handoff to Clay. She then slowly backed away. 

Hitting the send button on her phone she sighed as again Trent's phone went straight to voicemail. "Trent why is your phone off? Call me." Serena sat in the recliner waiting as long as she could make herself before going back to Clay.

"Clay." She moved slowly forward. "Clay it's me again. I need to recheck your temperature."

"Tr'nt said?" He mumbled to her in a way that reminded her of a child asking for their parent's permission. 

"Yeah. Trent said to take your temperature again." She reached out to him. "Clay I'm going to move your hair away." His forehead was wet with sweat as she brushed his hair back and pointed the thermometer at it. It had been about 15 minutes since she had taken it last. "Clay can you tell me what's going on?" 

"Tell Tr'nt." Clay closed his eyes. 

Serena moved to the living room pacing back and forth before deciding she had no choice. Pulling out her phone she once again called Trent. "You need to answer your phone. Call me back." She ended the call and hit the 'emergency call button.'

"911 what is the location of your emergency?" The operator immediately asked. 

"Umm I don't know. Hold on." She moved across the room to the empty pizza boxes still sitting on the table. The order form with the delivery address was taped to the top box. She gave the information and moved back into the living room to stand near the open guest room door. 

"Ma'am what is the nature of your emergency?" The calm voice repeated the question. 

"My uh my friend is sick. He was in he had an accident and I think he has an infection. His temperature is 103.4°, it was 102.7° twenty minutes ago and he doesn't seem to know who I am." Serena had no idea how to explain that he had a gunshot wound or who he was to her. Nor did she know how to explain her possibly broken wrist. Frustration and anger at Trent for not answering her calls filled her. 

A short time later Serena walked in to the emergency department waiting room that the triage nurse had pointed out to her. She hadn't mentioned her wrist to the woman and as she pulled Trent's sweatshirt over her whole hand she didn't plan to disclose the injury. Her wrist hurt but not saying her name to strangers felt safer. 

After twenty minutes of sitting in the waiting room a short dark haired woman walked toward her. "You came in with Clay?" The nurse used only his first name which confused her. Last names were much more common in both the medical field and the military. 

Serena nodded feeling like she was underwater and her reactions delayed. "Sorry, yeah I did."

The woman smiled at her before speaking again. "I didn't know he was seeing anyone." Her smile was kind but Serena was becoming increasingly confused. "But it's good you got him here when you did. Unfortunately he is very sick."

"Seeing. No it's not like that." Serena stood up and walked toward the exit.

"Hey." The woman called after her following. "I'm sorry I should have introduced myself. I'm Ray's wife Naima."

Serena stopped and turned back. "Oh. I uh well I guess I'm Trent's... it's complicated?" 

"Well it's nice to meet you...?" Naima was surprised by the fact that the woman brought Clay in but was dating Trent and confused by the lack of a name given. 

"Yeah sorry. I'm Serena." Naima held out her hand and without thinking Serena took it to shake hands. 

Her knees hit the floor before the scream finished leaving her lips. The woman she now knew was Ray's wife was yelling to someone. Her stomach rolled and just before the vomit rose she wondered if it was the pain or the concussion that was making her dizzy. 

She was moved in a wheelchair that seemed to materialize magically into an exam room. Another nurse started asking her questions as Naima stepped from the room. Everything seemed to blur together as either the chair or the room spun, she wasn't entirely sure which. 

Naima tried Ray first as an instinct, when the call immediately went to voicemail she tried Trent with the same result. 

NNNNNNNNNNNNNNN

"So this will be an issue. How big of one I'm not sure yet." Blackburn spoke of Trent's inclusion on a mission that was personal. 

"I'm sorry to interupt." The young sailor who entered passed a note to Blackburn before exiting the DEV group team room.

Blackburn unfolded the paper and looked down at it. The note was simple and lacking in details. 'Clay Spenser has been readmitted. Serena too. Check your damn phones. -Naima.'

"Gentleman, we're done here." Blackburn was rapidly walking to the door. "Naima called. Check your phones."


	16. Chapter 16

Naima met them in the parking lot. Ray saw the look on her face as they pulled in and feared the worst. She had a schooled look that told him she was both upset and angry. 

"What going on?" Jason asked as they approached. 

"What's going on is Clay has sepsis and is sedated." She turned to Trent. "And he also broke your girlfriend's wrist, although she won't admit to that."

"What?!?!" Trent stepped forward.

"I'll take you to them." Naima turned and walked toward the hospital emergency doors anger radiating of her. 

"Who's in more trouble you or Trent?" Brock whispered it to Ray who instantly pointed to himself. 

Trent followed Naima with a million thoughts running through his head. He had told her she would be safe. He had dismissed her concerns and basically guilted her into staying home. Now she was hurt and it was entirely his fault. 

Trent was led to a trauma bay where Clay was laying on a bed in the center of the room. He was sleeping with leads running to monitors and an IV. A cooling blanket covered him as he shook below. 

The doctor looked up as Bravo entered. "Can I help you?"

"We're his team. He was injured abroad." Jason spoke for them all. 

"Yes. The wound is badly infected. He has sepsis, which basically means..." the doctor was midsentence.

"We know what it means." Trent grabbed the electronic chart and started scrolling through the information. 

"Good to see you too, Sawyer." The doctor sarcastically said. 

"Where is the woman that brought him in?" Trent didn't look up at him. 

"Exam 2." The doctor shook his head at the brash medic he had been dealing with on and off since residency. 

"Thanks, Miller." Trent stepped from the room. 

She was sitting in a chair instead of on the bed when he walked into the room. Holding her phone with her left hand she seemed frustrated trying to type. Focused on the phone she didn't seem to notice him until he took a step closer drawing her attention. 

"Any word on Clay?" She sat more upright untucking her feet from below her. 

"The gunshot wound is infected. He has a blood infection. He's strong though so a few days of IV fluids and antibiotics and he'll be fine I'm sure." Trent crossed the room. "How's your wrist?"

"It's sore. The ice helps." Serena smiled at him with sadness in her eyes.

"What the hell happened? I was gone three hours and he's burning up and you have broken bones." Trent sighed. 

"It's only one bone." She shrugged.

"That supposed to be funny?" 

"Yeah."

"Serena, what happened?" Trent sat in the chair beside her. 

"Nothing Trent. Nothing happened." Serena looked to the floor and then back up to him. "I tripped, landed wrong and snap."

Trent smiled at her. "You're not a good liar. Wanna try that again?" He pulled her x-rays from the manila envelope and held them up to the ceiling light. "You see that vertical break on the ulna? It's called a spiral fraction. Happens when someone twists the shit out of your wrist, Rena. So you wanna try that again or keep lying?"

"Anything that puts a lot of twisting stress or force on a long bone can cause a spiral fracture, Trent." Serena stared at him with a neutral expression. "So if I tripped and my wrist went between the bed and nightstand twisting... boom spiral fracture."

"You Google that?" He watched her blink at him. 

"Yeah I did. He wasn't coherent at all. When I touched him he grabbed me. It wasn't his fault, Trent." 

"Why lie about it?" Trent slid the x-rays back. 

"Because that kid has guilt in his eyes already. I don't know who hurt him or how but hurt like that, I don't think it ever goes away and he blames himself, somehow thinks he deserved whatever hurt him." Serena looked away. "I guess I thought if he never knew it would be better."

Trent exhaled slowly as he gathered her carefully in his arms. "Then you tripped getting the med bag."

"Thank you." She rested her head against his chest. 

"You want to talk about it?" Trent rubbed her back. 

"What?" Serena shifted to look at him. 

"Who hurt you enough that you can see the same pain in him?" He kissed the top of her head.

"Trent why didn't you answer your phone?" She put her head back to his chest. 

"There are certain places on base I can't have my phone. None of us can at briefings and AARs." He moved slightly.

"Naima called someone." 

"Someone to interupt the meeting yes." He tipped her chin up. "I'm so sorry."

"It's not your fault." Her left-hand brushed his hair back. 

"I didn't even check him before bed. I just went to bed. I should have checked his wound, given him a once over. Should have checked him before leaving this morning too." Trent shook his head. "I should have given you a way to reach me. I should have warned you that if he isn't awake you stay away. I shouldn't have left you alone with him to begin with."

"Look at me. You need to stop. This isn't on you, Trent. You can blame yourself if you want but that helps who?" She moved back into the other chair as a nurse walked into the room.

"Sorry to interupt. I have the orthopedic referral for you. They will put the hard cast on and make sure the bone is still in place by repeating the x-rays." She shuffled the paperwork in her hands. "I also have your discharge paperwork. It has the care instructions on it. Oh..." She looked back at the papers quickly. "I'll be back. I'm not sure this office will see you."

"Why?" Trent stood. "What's the issue?"

"Insurance. I'm not sure that without coverage they will keep the appointment." The nurse stepped from the room. 

"You don't have insurance?" Trent turned back to her.

"The fine for not having it is cheaper than the premiums. Apparently my job makes me high risk." Serena stated.

"Rena... that's awful." Trent looked at the papers the nurse had left. 

"That's reality." She half smiled at him as she put his too big sweatshirt on carefully over her splinted wrist. 

"This morning when you said you weren't on the pill I pictured a future with our babies. I imagined in a split second what it would be. Little redheads climbing into our bed. You beside me forever. That's the reality I wanted in that moment" Trent looked at the floor as he said it almost embarrassed at the admission of the fantasy.

"I don't know what to say." Serena's eyes filled with tears. 

"It's okay if that's not what you want. I understand if that's not who you are, who we are. The thing is if that's not who we are... I'm not okay picturing it with anyone else. I'm not going to move on from this." Trent tried to make sense of what he was saying. 

"Trent. I love you. I don't entirely know what that means or what tomorrow will bring but I am sure of that, in a way I haven't ever been sure of anything." She took a step forward.

"This is going to sound insane. I need you to know that whatever happens I'm okay. If this works or if it's all too much... I have insurance. Good insurance." Trent stumbled on his words. 

"Trent, stop. Don't. No." She reached out and put her left hand on his right arm. 

"Serena, if it's forever or just for today I'm okay with that because I've never picked anyone above my team. I've never lost myself to make sure someone else was okay, like with you. You make me see myself in ways I didn't know existed. You, Serena Grace, you make the world make sense. Let me help you." Trent looked up at her with tear filled eyes.

"I don't want you to do this to help me." 

"Then let me do it because I love you." Trent reached his hand out to wipe her tears. "Marry me because I want to be your husband and I want you to be my wife."


	17. Chapter 17

Serena swallowed hard looking into his eyes. "I can't cook. I'm also not great at ironing, I leave creases in the wrong places, so your uniforms would still be up to you. I get mad and walk away, but usually come back. I overthink everything. I tend to assume the worst. I'm jealous and I can be petty. I yell when I really want to cry. I have dreams and wants and I don't know how to be a wife." 

"I don't want you to be 'a wife' I want you to be my wife. A while ago you told me not to ask you to be anyone but you. And that's what I want Rena. I want you." Trent exhaled slowly as she heard his words. 

"Yeah, okay." She lifted her eyes to his.

"Is that a yes?" He smiled down at her.

"Yes. I will marry you, Trent Sawyer. But it's not about the insurance and it's not just for today. It's for tomorrow and the days after. It's for the kindness in your eyes, the way you take care of everyone else before yourself. It's for the way you hold my hand and the way you cut my hair. It's for sitting on a bathroom floor and for watching The Notebook when you really didn't want to. It's for ordering Indian Food when you wanted pizza. It's for asking me to come after a hard day and for telling me what you need. It's for every laugh and tear and every stupid nerdy thing you do. It's the model cars you think are hidden in your closet and how you insist on having DVDs even though you have Netflix. It's that silly smile you get when you're excited about some trivial fact that no one else knows. I will marry you, Trent, not because I need to but because I want to." Trent wrapped his arms around her lower back as she said it gently lifting her off her feet. 

"Let's do it today." Trent smiled as he lowered her to the ground. "I don't want to wait."

"Afraid I'll change my mind?" 

"No I just... I don't want to wait." Excitement rolled off him as his eyes shined. 

"Okay. Let's check on Clay and then go." Serena stepped toward the doorway as the nurse came back. 

"Don't worry about the insurance issue." He grabbed the paperwork in her hands and walked out still holding Serena's hand. 

They were still holding hands as they entered the trauma room that held Clay and the rest of Bravo. "How's he doing?" Serena looked to Jason who was standing at the head of the bed. 

"He's okay. They plan to lessen the sedation now that we are here. How are you?" He gestured to her wrist.

"Oh it's fine. Tripped while getting the thermometer. Twisted it." She took another step into the room. 

"That so, Ginger Snaps?" Sonny eyed her.

"Yeah." She glanced to Trent.

"We'll stay until he's awake but then I'd like to take her home to rest." Trent looked at his brothers while diverting attention from her broken wrist. 

"Makes sense." Ray walked to the door. "I'm going to talk to Naima, anyone want coffee?"

Within thirty minutes Clay was moved upstairs to a room he would be in at least for the night, although the doctors said a few days. Extra chairs were moved into the room to accommodate the men who were refusing to leave. And together they waited for him to wake. 

It took another hour before he began to stir slowly. Moving his legs at first and then his right arm before he grimaced as he attempted to move his left. "Hey there, little buddy, don't do that." Sonny stood beside his bed. 

"Tr'nt" Clay's mumbled word was soft and small.

"I'm right here kid. You're okay." Trent moved to Clay's other side. 

"Trent," He cracked his eyes open. "Everything hurts."

"I know brother and you're in a hospital. You'll be just fine." Trent soothed.

"There... was there a girl?" Clay looked at him in confusion. "She said you were coming."

"It was Serena. She's here too." Trent turned so Clay could see her and she stepped closer. 

"She's real pretty, Tr'nt." Clay's eyes slid closed as Serena blushed.

"I know she is, brother." Trent smiled and turned to the others. "He'll probably sleep for a while now."

"You think he'll be more with it when he wakes back up?" Brock asked from the corner of the room. 

"Should be, but might not be. He's on some pretty powerful meds right now." Trent glanced to Serena. "We should go."

"Yeah, maybe we can come back in a few hours?" 

"Of course." Trent took her hand. 

NNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN

Trent watched her as they walked away from the courthouse. Her smile was the brightest he had ever seen. Her hair was undone with waves that reminded him of a sunset. It was hanging loosely around her face which was bare. She was wearing his old Bakersfield sweatshirt over a Bravo t-shirt and black leggings. 

"Rena, you just got married in slippers." Trent laughed. 

"And you're in combat boots." She giggled back. 

"Do you want a ring?" He pulled her close when they reached the car. 

"Never really thought about it. I guess not." She kissed his cheek. 

"I'd get you one if you want me to?" Trent felt more complete in this moment than he ever had. At his first wedding he had been surrounded by his blood family and his brothers but something about that day had never felt right. When he was hurt two years later the wrong was obvious. She had come to the hospital exactly once before deciding he was no longer her future. 

Trent shook the thought away as he looked at his wife. His wife, who chose him scars and all. He smiled at her assertation that his scars showed determination. 

"Trent, you with me?" She asked and he knew he hasn't been. 

"Sorry. Yeah." He looked at her in the passenger seat. 

"I said I'm good with or without a ring." 

"I want you to have one." Reaching out he took her hand. "You sure you want to spend your wedding day at the hospital?"

"I'm sure. He asks for you every time he wakes up. Feels safe knowing you are there, besides don't most people spend their wedding days with family?" She looked down at her phone pulling her only useable hand away. 

"You didn't know them before this week." Trent glanced to her. 

"But I feel like I did. Pizza sound good?" She looked up from her phone. 

"Had it yesterday. Order Indian." He looked back to the road. 

"Do you even like it?" Laughing she went to the online menu.

"I like the bread and the little ball things." Trent smiled. "And I like that it's your favorite."

"Little ball things? Chicpeas?" She laughed. "Chana Masala and Naan for you then. What should I get for the guys?"

"I have no idea. More little balls and bread?" He smiled sarcastically. 

Less than an hour later they walked back into Clay's room with Trent carrying three bags of food. He set it on the counter by the door and turned looking toward Clay. "He wake up at all while we were gone?"

"Nope, Sleeping Beauty has been out. What'd ya bring us?" Sonny stood stretching his back. 

"Indian." Serena looked over her shoulder to smile at Sonny as she unpacked the food. 

"Oh." Sonny quickly saw the death glare from Trent. "Sounds great."

"It's my favorite." She bounced slightly as she pulled another container out. 

"Mandy likes it too." Brock crossed the room to help her with her one handed attempt to get the food around while Trent looked at the various machines and monitors attached to Clay. 

Sonny took another bite of the Naan Bread as Trent handed him a soda. "Hey there, Goldilocks. You with us?" 

"Mhm. Smells good." Clay cracked his eyes open looking from one brother to the next. 

'"It is. Trent can he eat?" Brock moved his plate to stand.

"Chart doesn't say he's NPO. I can double check though." Trent stood and exited the room and returned quickly stopping to make Clay a plate of food.

"What happened?" As the bed was raised Clay took in his surroundings. 

"You have an infection, kid. Spiked a fever." Jason leaned forward and patted his leg. "You're okay though."

"And the fact that you're hungry is a good sign." Trent spoke from across the room. 

"Oh. Serena.. your wrist?" Clay's eyes narrowed and darkened. 

"Yeah I'm a klutz. Managed to trip and twist it. All good in about six weeks and until then I can figure out how to be a lefty!" She smiled while attempting to get rice on her fork. 

"Trent, is it a spiral fracture?" Clay looked up as Trent approached with his food.

"I'm not sure, why?" Trent sat back down next to her. He knew why Clay had asked. Knew that when he had x-rayed the kid's left wrist after a bad fall it showed a remodeled spiral fracture from adolescence. 

"Because you get them from someone twisting your wrist." He stared at the plate in front of him. 

"Clay, I tripped over the strap to Trent's med bag. Landed with my wrist wedged between the bed and the nightstand. You were passed out with a high fever the whole time although I was shocked you didn't hear me yell." Trent watched her lie to his brother grateful for her kindness. 

"You sure?" He looked up at her with big blue eyes that held hope that he was not the cause of her injury.

"I'm sure this wasn't your fault. Now eat before it gets ice cold." She stabbed at a piece of chicken missing and nearly knocking it to the floor. 

"You want a spoon?" Trent laughed. 

"Yes, actually I do." The pout on her face made them all laugh.


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize for the wait! My little man has been sick for too long and finally starting to feel better. 
> 
> I'm honestly not sure where this story ends as I am attached to both Serena and Trent in a happy relationship... I'm letting the story lead at this point. 
> 
> Comments are so appreciated. I hope you enjoy.

On day four of his hospitalization Clay was feeling better and going stir crazy. Bravo had quickly made a rotational schedule that allowed Clay to almost continuously have a visitor. He knew who to expect and when but that only increased the monotony and his boredom. His day started each morning with a visit from Brock who would coach him through eating what the hospital called food for breakfast. Next Ray would stop by and update him on anything he could think to chitchat about, currently a project on rockets Jameelah was so excited to enter in the science fair. Jason would bring something edible for lunch and if Clay was lucky run scenarios to end the boredom for at least five minutes. Trent would stop in on his way home or like yesterday grab Serena first and visit until 'Wheel of Forture" started. Then it was Sonny's turn to attempt to occupy him. Sonny would either talk constantly or not at all, instead just watching the T.V. and being near. 

The rotation was both comforting and an irritation, until today when Brock didn't come for breakfast. Clay tried to reason that he was doing better and possibly being released today, therefore he didn't need a visitor. He watched the clock until Ray should have come and that time passed too. He tried not to worry about what was happening or why no one had let him know about the change. 

He was just resigning himself to eat hospital lunch when the nurse stepped into the room. "No brothers today?" Her smile was kind but her words stung in a way he wasn't expecting. 

"Nah, not today." His mind flashed to weeks spent alone in the hospital. A time when Swanny would remember to visit most days and Lisa brought a stuffed seal that became his only constant. 

"That's okay, you'll be going home later anyway!" She again smiled kindly but this time it seemed almost patronizing to him. 

The nurse left him alone once again. He watched the clock for what seemed like forever before he drifted to sleep mostly from the boredom. Distantly he smelled a cookout. 

"Clay, hey Clay wake up." She stood at the far wall until his eyes cracked open. "Good morning, well afternoon."

"Hey." Clay sat up more as Serena stepped closer. "You brought food!" He smiled broadly. 

"I did. Burgers and fries although I included a salad to pacify Trent. If he asks we had salad." She laughed softly while handing him a drink. "And smoothies not milkshakes, okay?"

"Deal." He laughed along with her. "Where is everyone today?"

"Honestly I'm not sure. Trent texted asking me to stop by with lunch but didn't say why and hasn't responded back." She unwrapped her burger with one hand the other casted now and in a sling. 

"Probably can't." Clay took a bite of his burger. 

"Yeah that's a thing." Sipping her milkshake she smiled around the straw. 

The knock as the door opened caused them both to turn. "Mr. Spenser, I'm Dr. Faria from orthopedics. I've been asked to do a consult before you're discharged." The doctor was looking down as he stepped into the room. 

"I'll go." Serena stood and turned to leave avoiding the doctor's line of sight. 

"You can stay. Help me give Trent the right details." Clay looked between the doctor and Serena. 

"It can be helpful to have someone to make sure the information is correct." The man looked up for the first time. "Oh, Mrs. Sawyer how is the cast feeling? First couple days it can be a bit strange."

"It's good." Serena tried to remain calm while screaming inside. She avoided looking toward Clay knowing she would not be able to hold a steady expression as he reacted to news they had decided to wait on telling. 

"Good. Anyway Mr. Spenser I have reviewed all your xrays and scans and they look good. I don't see any orthopedic involvement so I went ahead and cleared you from our service." Dr. Faria smiled. "Take care and Mrs. Sawyer I'll see you next week."

"Yeah." She looked at the floor as the doctor left the room. 

"So..." Clay smiled at her as her eyes remained on the blue and white tile. "Mrs. Sawyer?"

"He must have been confused." She glanced up at his smile. "You should eat."

"I am too then." Clay laughed. "You got follow-up treatment at a military hospital as a civilian? That must have been interesting."

"Yeah." Serena sipped her milkshake.

"For what it's worth I think it's good. He is different when you are around. I saw that when I first met you. That morning he seemed more relaxed and himself than I had ever seen him." Clay set his food aside. 

"Everything is such a mess right now." She looked away. 

"Is that?" Clay carefully moved to sit on the edge of the bed. "I mean do you regret it?"

"No! Not at all. Honestly marrying Trent is probably the smartest thing I've ever done." She exhaled while leaning forward. 

"So not everything is a mess then." Clay sat closer. "I assume I'm not allowed to tell anyone?"

"Not really, no." 

"Okay." He sat back and ate a French fry. 

"It's just none of you really know me. I don't want you all to think I'm using him or something. It seems sudden, it was sudden. I want you to know me enough to know he didn't do this without thinking, to know this isn't a mistake." Serena rocked slightly as she spoke.

"Serena, we know Trent. We saw him when we weren't sure you would make it home and we know him. So no we really don't know you but... but we know him." Clay took another bite of his burger. 

"You're a good friend, Clay Spenser." 

Clay laughed as the door opened and Bravo moved into the room. "Healthy." Trent smiled as he shook his head at their lunches.

"Busted." Serena put three fries in her mouth before sipping her milkshake while smiling. 

"There is lettuce on this burger and strawberries in the milkshake. Perfectly healthy." Clay laughed as he said it. "Also salad!" He held up the untouched and unopened side salad. 

"And these?" Sonny stepped forward and grabbed Clay's fries. "Let me guess potatoes are a vegetable?" He ate a fry. 

Ray smiled. "You ready to get out of here?" 

"Four days ago." Clay sat forward. 

"Well then let's get going." Trent waved his discharge paperwork at him. 

"Uh umm I was sort of thinking maybe I could go stay with Sonny." Clay looked at Trent knowingly.

"You still need IV antibiotics. Your options are stay here for three more days or come home with me. What's the issue?" Trent's voice showed more annoyance than he expected as he wondered if Clay felt that the infection was his fault.

"Nothing. It's just you're taking care of two people with me there. Sonny can do an IV" Clay felt like an ass but also felt like their first week of marriage shouldn't include him. 

"No. You stay with me or you stay here." Trent was tired and irritated. "I don't know what the damn issue is with me 'taking care of two people' is I've done it multiple times. You think landing back here is on me?"

"Trent, calm down." Jason stepped in to stop what was rapidly becoming an argument. "Clay if you don't want to go to Trent's you are staying here, up to you, Kid."

Trent stood to leave the room as Serena watched the exchange knowing the reason Clay was objecting. Suddenly it occurred to her that Clay was quite possibly just as stubborn as her new husband. Not knowing what to do or where the line was in this very new situation she sat quietly trying not to step on toes or mess with brother dynamics. 

"I'm leaving call me if you decide not to stay here." Trent walked to the door.

"Trent, wait." Serena stood. "Clay isn't trying to be an ass... in fact he's trying not to be one. But you don't seem to mind filling that role." Serena took a step closer. 

"You don't get it, Rena. You don't get how this works." Trent stepped closer to the door now angry at both. 

"No, Trent. You don't get it. Your brother over there has wanted out of this place for the last four days but he's willing to stay here for you because he knows." Serena turned to look at Clay for an instant as she said it. 

"Serena, you don't have to." Clay said it quietly like a guilty child. 

"What? What does he know?" Trent looked between the two. 

"He knows we got married." Serena said in softly but loud enough for the room to hear. "He's trying to be a good brother and you're pissed."

"Wait what?" Sonny looked around the room to see who else knew. "The Kid got the inside scoop?"

"Dr. Faria from orthopedics called her Mrs. Sawyer. She didn't just tell me." Clay looked like a kicked puppy for unintentionally causing them to share something they wanted to keep private. 

Trent stood still watching his brother's reactions. Ray smiled, Brock smiled and nodded, Sonny looked slightly annoyed he hasn't known first, and Jason moved to give a gentle hug to Serena before pulling Trent into a hug as well. 

"Congrats, brother!" Jason spoke.

"Thanks." 

"So when's the party?" Sonny smirked. 

"Oh umm. Do you want a party?" Trent turned to Serena having not considered having an actual wedding at all. 

"I hadn't really thought about it. Not really. I'm good with my slipper wedding." She laughed.

Ray lightly smacked Sonny's arm as he grumbled about not having a party before adding. "We'll have a Barbeque at my house this weekend. Sound good?"

"It does, thank you, Ray." Trent smiled as Serena spoke. "And Clay stop being stubborn so we can all stop living in a hospital. Might even convince him to get us Indian for dinner."

"You sure?" Clay looked so childlike it made her heart sad. 

"We're sure." Trent stepped forward while sighing. "Even if that means Indian tonight."


	19. Chapter 19

"You've never seen The Lion King?" Serena stared in disbelief.

"I didn't grow up in the U.S. so I didn't really watch cartoons." Clay reached for his water bottle. 

Serena turned to Trent in the kitchen. "We are having a movie night. Right now. Can you make popcorn?" She turned back toward Clay with a fake smile on her face as her heart broke thinking of a child not having a childhood. "Lion King to start and then we'll figure out what's next." 

Trent stood holding unpopped microwaveable popcorn watching as Serena brought all the pillows and blankets from his bed and the guest bed out into the living room. "Rena, whatcha doing?"

"Movie night." Serena tossed the blankets into the middle of the living room floor before going back into the bedroom. 

"Trent, you think she realizes it's not even dinner time?" Clay shifted on the couch. 

"I don't really think she cares." Trent moved to the microwave to make the requested popcorn. 

Serena returned a few minutes later in a pair of Trent's sweatpants rolled at the waist to fit better and his Bakersfield sweatshirt. "We ready?" She shut the blinds and turned the light off before fixing the multiple blankets and pillows into a bed in the floor. 

"We are ready." Trent walked into the room carrying a six pack of rootbeer and a big bowl of popcorn. "Only beer either of you can have on your current meds." He settled on the floor beside her. 

"Come down here Clay. Movies are better when you watch them from the floor." Serena looked up at him on the couch.

"Okay." Clay laughed a little as he lowered himself to the floor and she hit play on the cartoon. 

By the time Simba was running to the jungle alone and afraid Trent was softly snoring curled on his side facing away from Serena and Clay. "He never makes it to the end of movies, no matter what time I start movie night." Serena pulled the throw blanket higher on Trent's shoulder. 

"This is a kid's movie? Shit it's sad." Clay tried not to show his emotions over a cartoon. "Sadder than not watching cartoons as a kid."

"I don't know about that. So where'd you grow up anyway?" Serena turned toward Clay.

"Liberia." Clay's eyes stayed on the screen. 

They lapsed back into silence as they movie continued. As Nala jumped out at Pumba Clay jumped slightly as well, shifting to cover his embarrassment. Serena stifled a laugh by filling her mouth with popcorn. 

"Why do you think movies are better from the floor?" Clay rolled onto his back stretching out. 

"When I was a kid I moved around a lot. There was one family I lived with and the woman Kat, well Katherine but we all called her Kat, she would bring all our blankets out and we would all have movie night and sleep in the living room on Fridays." She shifted and her voice cracked slightly as she continued. "The caseworkers did a random weekend check-in and removed all four of us. Kat was the best place I ever lived though." Serena spoke softly not to wake Trent.

"Why'd they remove you?" Clay sat up on his elbows. 

"Foster kids of opposite genders can't share a sleeping space... even if it's once a week for movie night." Serena met his eyes. 

"I'm sorry. Kat was right though movies on the floor are better." Clay exhaled slowly. "My grandparents were missionaries, my parents wouldn't or couldn't be parents so I ended up in Africa." Clay smiled sadly. 

"People really suck sometimes." She shifted to look at Trent. "But I guess in a way we're both pretty lucky we found a place, a family."

"We are." Clay looked back to the TV. "Like Simba finding Timon and Pumba."

"Does that make Sonny Pumba?" Serena laughed louder than she meant to and Trent groaned putting his arm over his eyes. 

"It does!" Clay whispered. 

When the movie ended Clay sat up and turned to speak only to realize that Serena was now sleeping curled against Trent's back. Laying back against the pile of pillows he closed his eyes and listened to the music as the credits rolled. Yawning he allowed himself to sleep. 

Trent woke suddenly at the sound of keys in the front door. He sat up looking around in confusion before remembering movie night on the floor. He relaxed slightly as he looked to his left at Serena curled against his side and just beyond her Clay sleeping soundly. As the door opened he put his finger to his lips. 

Sonny stepped into the living room trying to be quiet and not laugh loudly at the sight of the blanket bed and the three of them laying in the floor. Metal almost ran into his back as they entered and he saw Trent signal for silence while detangling himself from both Serena and the blankets. Trent slowly rose and headed for the kitchen indicating they should follow. 

"What's that about?" Metal looked at Trent while pointing over his shoulder to the two sleeping. 

"Movie night." Trent poured a cup of coffee from the cold pot and stuck it in the microwave. Wiping sleep from his face he turned toward their confused faces. "It's something she did as a kid, she wanted to do it for Clay."

"Cause he grew up in a hut?" Sonny nodded. 

"Basically."

"What did you watch?" Metal dumped the cold coffee and started brewing fresh. 

"They watched The Lion King. I napped." Trent sipped stale coffee. 

"Good. You needed it, you've looked lile shit for days." Metal smiled. 

"Thanks." 

"Man's not wrong." Sonny sat at the counter seat. "So you married her."

"Wait what?" Metal turned to Trent. "You're married?"

"Yeah. We got married five days ago right before you got spun up with Alpha. Just a quick trip to the courthouse." Trent added more sugar to his coffee attempting to cut the bitterness. 

"Trent that's sort of a big deal... bigger that just a quick trip." Sonny leaned on his elbows. 

Trent turned to him. "Sonny, I know it seems fast and stupid and maybe not very rational. I know. But I'm telling you I've never been more sure. My last wedding wad planned for eighteen months... twelve of which I was deployed and the entire day I was popping tums and trying not to vomit. So yeah it's a big deal but it doesn't feel like it. It just feels right."

"All that matters brother." Sonny locked eyes with Trent and nodded. 

"Sonny's right. And you know I hate admitting that." Metal smiled. "You guys had movie night? It's early still."

"Yeah, she insisted." Trent dumped the old coffee and reached for the still brewing pot. 

"Ko si duro, Mo bẹru." Clay's voice got louder as the words tumbled from his mouth. The three men in the kitchen were immediately moving to the living room where he was yelling the last of the words. 

"Hey, Blondie wake up." 

"Clay, it's time to get up." 

"Spenser. Bravo 6 wake up!"

Serena was now awake and very aware of her proximity to the man who had unintentionally broken her wrist days before. Clay was laying beside her. Moving his head side to side as he mumbled in languages no one else in the room spoke. 

"Rena, I want you to slowly move away from him. You're okay just come here." Trent calmed his voice as his heart beat wildly. 

"I can't." Serena slowly sat up. "He's holding my shirt." She reached down and covered Clay's hand with her own gently pulling the shirt away as he mumbled. 

As she moved back Sonny stepped forward. "Hey Little Buddy. Rise and Shine." 

"You good?" Trent looked at her. 

"Uh yeah I think so." Serena wrapped her arms around herself. 

Trent nodded as he moved toward Clay. Kneeling by Clay's feet he reached out and grabbed his ankle shaking it. "Hey wake up!"

"Hmm why?" Clay's voice was gravel filled as he slowly opened his eyes. 

"Nightmare." Trent moved to his waist and grabbed his wrist taking his pulse. 

"Trent, I'm good." As he tried to pull away Trent swatted at his hand. "Ouch. I'm good."

"Just let him, Blondezilla."

"Yeah okay. Hey Metal. Been a minute. How you been?" Clay looked for distraction as Trent took his pulse and checked his shoulder wound before grabbing the thermometer. 

"Good. I see I can't leave the lot of you even in Germany you guys find or cause trouble. But it's been dealt with." Mental glanced to Serena. 

"Alright you're good." Trent stood satified and walked back to Serena. "Coffee?" 

"No I think I might sleep a bit more before everyone gets here for dinner. I assume everyone is coming?" Serena walked toward the bed on the floor.

"Ray isn't. The science fair is tonight. But yeah the other's are coming." Trent moved into the room. "Why don't we put our bed back together. You'd be more comfortable there."

"I'm good out here." Serena turned to see the look from Trent that said he wasn't okay with her continuing to nap in the living room. "But maybe you are right."

Trent watched her as she grabbed a pillow and blanket and walked into the bedroom shutting the door behind herself. Clay was now sitting up watching the exchange. Rising to sit on the couch he sank into the cushions. "You don't feel safe with her near me?" He stared at his hands. 

"What? No, I just thought she'd be more comfortable in a bed." Trent sat beside him doing his best to continue a lie she had created. "She's still healing too."

"Yeah." Clay looked up. "You know you're a terrible liar right?"

"She's been through hell." Trent placed a hand on his shoulder. "It's not about you, Clay."

"Did I break her wrist?" Clay continued to stare at Trent. 

"She told me she tripped getting my med bag from under the bed. She landed with her wrist between the bed and the nightstand." Trent shifted slightly watching to see if he was believed although he had not actually lied as that was what Serena had initially told him. 

"Okay." Clay nodded. "Was I talking in my sleep?"

"Yeah but not in English." Sonny sat down in the recliner.

"I'll put the blankets back in the guest room if you tell me which go in there." Metal picked up some of the blankets. 

"Will you go make sure she's okay? I didn't mean to scare her." Clay turned back to Trent sadly. 

"Yeah, brother. I'm sure she's fine though." Trent smiled tightly. "She's pretty tough."

"Check anyway." Clay stared at the opposite wall.

Trent stood and walked to the bedroom door, glancing back to see Sonny nod that he had Clay while Metal rearranged the blankets.


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I so appreciate the comments on this piece so thank you to everyone taking the time to do so. 
> 
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
> Indicates sexual content.  
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> 
> Feel free to skip if that makes you uncomfortable. 
> 
> Thank you again for reading and I hope you enjoy.

"Hey." As Trent stepped into the room her back was to the door. "You doing okay?"

"No." Her voice was small and filled with tears. 

"Hey." He crossed the room quickly. "What's going on?"

Serena turned to him as his hands landed on her shoulders. Her eyes were puffy and red ringed. She wiped at her nose with her sleeve. "I'm not a kid."

"What?" Trent sat beside her on the bed. "Rena, I'm very confused." 

"You sent me to our room." Serena sniffled. "With that look you sent me to our room."

"Oh... That's not what I was trying to do at all." Trent rubbed circles on her back as her breath hitched. "Rena, I just wanted you to be safe."

"I am safe with him. I am safe with your brothers. I'm not safe all alone." Her voice rose as she spoke and a tremble ran down her spine. 

"Can you take a deep breath for me?" Trent exhaled slowly. 

Serena shook her head back and forth. Her breathing increased and Trent was certain he could feel her pulse from her back. "I can't breathe, Trent, I can't." Her mind flashed back to a dirt floor and Trent kneeling beside her. Her skin felt like it was on fire. 

Trent pulled her onto his lap gently so her back was against his chest. "Hey listen I need you to match my breaths. You've got this. In and hold one, two, three and out one, two, three. Good keep breathing with me." Trent continued the slow steady sniper breathing he had learned years before. "You're amazing. I'm so proud of you. Just keep breathing with me."

"Don't feel amazing." Serena leaned her head backwards onto his shoulder. 

"I know, but you can talk now." Trent moved his hands from her biceps to wrap his arms around her. "I love you so much."

"I love you too." Serena's body relaxed more as she said it.

"Can I ask where your head went when you were struggling to breathe there?" Trent tightened his arms around her. 

"The shack. Jack never woke up and I tried to talk to him. Even after he stopped breathing. I begged him to come back. It was so quiet after he stopped." Tears ran freely down her face. "I don't want to be alone because it's so so quiet now."

"Thank you for telling me. We're gonna get you some help so you don't have to feel this but l promise I'll stay so you aren't alone for now." Trent kissed the side of her head. "Why don't we go get you a ring tonight, how does that sound?"

"That sounds silly." Serena turned to face him. "But thank you for trying tobfind a way to make it better. Can we just go get some food instead?" 

"Of course." Trent loosened his grip on her. "We can also stop at your place and get some of your clothes."

"Okay. Do I have time to shower?" Serena stood.

"You do. Hey come here." Trent sat on the edge of the bed pulling her to stand between his legs. He held both of her free and her casted hand in his. "You are going to be okay, you know that right?" He waited for her to nod. "I love you. You also know we waited to long to say that."

"I know." Serena stood still for a moment more. "You think the guys will be mad if we go out instead of doing dinner here?"

"I don't. I'll go tell them and then come back okay?" Trent stood up and wrapped her small frame in his. 

"Okay." She stepped back as he let his arms fall away. "Thank you."

"Shhh. Not needed." Trent crossed the room but left the door open as he stepped back into the communal living area of his apartment. 

Sonny was still sitting with Clay when Trent walked back into the room. Metal was going through takeout menus. All three men turned expectantly. 

"So, she's not okay but it's not because of you." He looked at Clay. "It's because I sent her to the bedroom. I didn't think. She was alone with her friend's body for days." Trent slumped into the recliner. "I am going to take her for a drive. We'll get something to eat. I just need to focus on her for a few hours."

"Trent, I can stay with Sonny." Clay sat forward. 

"She likes having you here and if you go she'll feel bad." Trent smiled sadly. "She's going to shower and then we will head out but I'll be back in time to start your evening IV antibiotic dose." He moved to stand. 

"Trent I can crash here if you want some help." Sonny kicked his boots off. 

"Thanks, Son. Brock was planning to but..." Trent stopped himself from saying more. 

"Yeah, he's been distant." Clay looked between them. 

"If they'd just fully admit what we all damn well know." Sonny's irritation was obvious. 

"It's not that easy, Son. And you know that." Trent looked at him knowingly. 

"You're right." Sonny shifted uncomfortably. 

"I'm gonna get back in there with her." Trent stood. 

Walking back into the bedroom he glanced at the cracked bathroom door before grabbing a pair of jeans and a t-shirt and throwing them on the bed. He walked to the door and knocked gently listening to the shower. "You good? I can come in or wait in the bedroom." 

"Come in." She didn't say more as he shut the lid to the toilet and sat while she showered. 

Trent stood as the water turned off. He reached for a towel and handed it off to her. "Can I check your... can I look at the infection and tube sites before you get dressed."

He hated the hesitation in his own voice and the clinical nature of the terms he forced himself to use. He hated that he knew what to look for and could close his eyes and picture what each wound should look like today. He hated the knowledge he had and for the first time he hated being a medic. 

"Yeah you can." She stepped from the shower with wet skin glistening. "Hey you okay?"

"Yeah of course." Trent's smile didn't reach his eyes. 

"Okay." Serena stepped from the bathroom and sat with a towel wrapped around herself on the bed. She silently lifted the towel to reveal the wound on her leg.

"How's that feel? Pain level going down?" Trent put gloves on before moving forward. 

"It feels okay. Tight and it itches. It feels like an annoyance." Serena watched him as he check the healing wound. There was a sadness in his eyes that she wasn't used to seeing when he looked at her. 

He looked up while removing the gloves and getting a new pair. "Switching because this wound was the site of the infection. Can I see the other site?" Trent was on his knee in front of her.

"Yeah." Serena dropped the towel allowing in to fall away. 

Trent slowly reached up to palpate the area around the no more than two inch healing incision. "Stitches look good. They can probably come out tomorrow." Trent sat back on his heals pulling the second pair of gloves from his hands. "Everything looks good."

"Trent, can I ask you something?" Serena bit her bottom lip.

"Of course. What's up?" He rose and started putting his med kit back. 

"Are you ever going to look at me like you used to again?" Serena pulled the towel around herself.

Trent stopped what he was doing and turned to face her. "Rena." He stepped closer. "When I stepped into that room and you were so still I thought... I don't know what I thought."

"I'm okay." She looked up to him. "I mean I'm really not but I am." She inhaled slowly. "I will be you know, but will you? Do you only see these marks on my skin now instead of me?"

Trent stepped forward and leaned down to rest his forehead against hers. "I see how strong you are. How brave. I see so much more than marks." His lips found hers.

She broke the kiss. "You brought me home." Her left hand found the stitches in her side. "I see your determination when I see this scar. I hope I always have it." 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

He wasn't expecting her to let the towel drop as she stood. Wasn't expecting her to push him against the wall as her mouth found his neck. She pushed against him as her hands ran through his hair. "Please." She whispered in his ear. 

Trent's rough hands ran up her sides, one cradling her head as his tongue entered her mouth. The other hand cupping her right breast squeezing gently as his finger and thumb rolled her nipple. He pressed against her as his jeans became uncomfortably tight.

"You have too many clothes on." Her voice was desperate with desire. She pulled away as she pulled his shirt over his head throwing it to the floor. He pulled her against him before snaking his hand between them to unbutton his own jeans. 

Trent pushed into her again before reaching the same hand lower. "You're so wet." He entered her with one finger as she bucked against him. 

"Fuck me Trent." She nipped at his neck and reached for his swollen member. 

"Rena." Trent exhaled harshly and pulled back. "Condoms. I never got condoms."

With rapid breath she moved forward until their mouths met. Reaching down she pushed his jeans off his hips. "Fuck me, Trent. Now." 

He lifted her and turned them so she was against the wall with her legs wrapped around his waist. Slowly he slid into her until he was completely filling her. 

Her nails dug at his skin as he moved inside her. His hands gripped her hips lifting and pulling her down to match his rhythm. Her muscles tensed as she felt her orgasm building. "Cum for me Rena. I'm so close baby, cum with me." He whispered into her ear as he tried not to orgasm. Serena circled her hips slightly. "I'm going to cum." Trent was gasping as he said it. "Cum Rena." His voice was a whispered plea. 

He shifted to wrap his left arm around her lower back to support her weight as he moved his right hand off her hip. He slowed his pace trying to hold back his release and reached between them. He circled her clit with his thumb as the ache for release built in him becoming almost painful. Serena's back arched and her head hit the wall as she whispered "I love you" and she rode her orgasm.

"Thank you, thank you, thank you." Trent increased his pace until it was almost frantic as he pushed deeper into her as fast as possible. "Rena!" Finally he allowed himself to let go. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

He wrapped both arms around her back as he moved on shaky legs to the bed. Laying back he didn't let go, just pulled her with him. Catching his breath he smiled at her. "Does that make our marriage official?"

Serena laughed. "In some backwards places I think it does. But in those same places what we've been doing for years is probably illegal."

"You're probably right."


	21. Chapter 21

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanted this chapter posted yesterday but still needed to edit it this morning. Comments are appreciated as always. 
> 
> Enjoy!

Trent stepped back into the main area of his apartment while Serena finished getting ready to leave. He left the door open hoping to reassure her of his presence. Looking up he saw that Jason and Brock as well as Lisa and Mandy had arrived. 

"We're going out for a bit." Trent spoke to Jason. 

"Sonny said. He also said he was crashing here for a bit." Jason glanced to Brock but didn't say anything before adding in a whisper. "Trent, your walls are thin."

Trent laughed and his cheeks turned red. "Yeah I guess they might be."

Serena walked into the room and looked around at everyone before moving to stand next to Trent. Her hand wrapped around his right forearm. "Ready when you are."

"I'm ready." Trent leaned slightly into her subconsciously as his family watched.

They drove around aimlessly for about an hour before he turned to her. "You hungry?"

"I can always eat." Serena smiled at him. 

"And that's why I love you." He laughed. 

"I love you too. It's sort of weird to say it." She looked back out the windshield. 

"It is. But I've known for a very long time." Trent reached his hand to her knee. 

"Everything is so different and it also isn't. Does that make sense?" She leaned into his arm. 

"Yeah it does." Trent turned on his blinker and made a turn. "So no birth control?"

"Yeah. We probably should have talked about that more but... I needed..." Serena blushed.

"I needed you too, Rena." He smiled at her reddening cheeks. "We can talk about it now though."

"I have always been some god forsaken place or another and it wasn't an option. But now, now I don't think that can be my life anymore." She held his arm. 

"We can figure out a way it can still be if that is what you want. I don't want you to give up your dreams." Trent pulled into a parking space and turned in his seat to face her. 

"I don't know that those are my dreams anymore. I never had a family, you know that, but snuggled on the floor having movie night with you and Clay... I felt like I did. I stepped into peoples lives for years to capture instances, glimpses, a moment in time, usually the worst moment. Maybe I did that because I didn't have a home... but maybe I always did and just wouldn't admit it. Maybe I've had a home since a sailor called me 'Rena' in a bar in Greece... maybe it was when I cropped pictures after Walter Reed to protect a man I didn't even know. My best pictures included you and I cropped them all. My editor asked if I thought the assignment was up to my normal standards, I couldn't tell him my best photos were unusable because a desperate man with beautifully empty eyes asked me not to publish his picture. But I'm rambling and not even sure what I'm saying anymore. I guess I never thought I could be a mother because I was never in one place and people never stay... but you stayed. You've always been there even when you haven't." Serena's eyes were filled with unshed tears. "So maybe if it happens it would be the best thing that has ever happened."

"Maybe it would but I'm pretty sure the best thing that ever happened is when you said you'd marry me." Trent cupped her face with both his hands. "Anything after that is icing."

"I'm hungry." He leaned in and kissed her just after she said it. 

"Let's get food. Brock swears this place had the best pie in town." Trent smiled as they got out of the truck and walked toward the small diner together. 

NNNNNNNNNNNNNNN

Serena woke early the next morning with Trent still sleeping beside her. She wished she had her camera as she watched him sleep. The pictures she had taken of him sleeping were some of her favorites. His face relaxed is a way that made him look younger and more like the man he would have been without years of the job he chose. She watched him silently not to wake him. His hair was slightly long and brushed against his face in a way he would never tolerate if he was awake. Slowly she climbed from the bed trying her best to maintain silence and allow him the rest he needed. 

"Rena." Trent mumbled thickly as his eyes cracked open slightly. 

"Shh, I'm okay. Go back to sleep." She reached out and brushed the hair off his face as his eyes closed and he nodded slightly. 

She crossed the room and grabbed a sweatshirt on the way out quietly shutting the door as she pulled over her head. It was the one Trent had worn the day before and fit over her casted right wrist. She was surrounded in his scent as she crossed the dining room area and walked to the coffee machine surprised the pot was full and hot before turning to see Sonny sitting awake in the living room. 

"Mornin', Ginger Snaps." He raised his mug to her. 

"Good morning, Sonny." She smiled at him thinking of calling him Pumba. "How long have you been up?" 

"An hour or so. Trent's still asleep?" Sonny crossed into the kitchen.

"Yeah, he stirred when I got up but went back to sleep." She stirred milk and sugar into her coffee before turning to him. 

"Usually when he's awake he's up." Sonny opened the refrigerator. 

"Yeah. He's exhausted. I'm glad he's still sleeping." Serena watched his back as he pulled items out and put them on the countertop. 

"Yeah he forgets to take care of himself more often than not." Sonny nodded at her. "You wanna help make breakfast?" 

"Oh um I can try." Serena blushed. "I can make toast."

"Well then you're on toast duty." Sonny smiled at her. "Just wait to start until everything else is almost done or it will be cold."

"Tell me when?" Serena laughed as Sonny nodded. "Thanks, Pumba."

"Pumba?" Sonny almost choked on his coffee.

"Yeah, Pumba. In The Lion King when Simba is scared and alone he is found by Timon and Pumba. They take him in and well... Pumba... he is the family that helps you see where you belong. Clay and I we watched it yesterday. I won't call you that if you hate it." Serena rambled nervously. 

Sonny laughed and put his hand on her shoulder. "I love it, Ginger Snaps." Sonny smiled thinking about her considering him family. He moved to get a pan for the eggs before turning back to her. "Clay gonna start callin' me that too?"

"Maybe." She bite her lip as she smiled. 

"Well, I have called him Simba a time or two." His smile was hidden but in his voice as he cooked facing away from her. 

Twenty minutes later Sonny turned to her as she sipped on her coffee. "You're up Ginger Snaps." 

"Gotcha, Pumba." She opened the bread and put four slices into the double toaster. "Hey, Sonny, thank you for everything."

"Awe shucks it ain't nothin', just teaching ya to make toast." Sonny kept his back to her. 

"Yeah, toast... You know I was the one who didn't want to meet you guys. He offered to introduce me a while back but... I thought if I knew his team it would make what he does too real." Sonny turned to her. "And when Clay got shot and you were yelling to him to stay down. He didn't listen, it terrified me but you'd crawl through hell for him too wouldn't you? All of you would."

"That's what brothers do, Serena. Trent would risk it all but so would we. We all go home that's the deal." Sonny turned back to the bacon and potatoes cooking on the stove.

"So yeah, thanks for the toast." Serena buttered the toast that was done and started making more. 

"Yeah, toast." He turned the burners off. "I'm gonna wake Sleeping Beauty, you wanna grab Trent?" 

"Sure." Serena turned and walked to the bedroom door slowly opening it. 

Serena crossed the room as Trent snored softly. Watching him for just a moment before she sat on the side of the bed. Trent reached out to her while still sleeping. "Hey sleepyhead. It's time for breakfast."

Trent cracked his eyes open and pulled her closer until she was laying beside him. Snuggling into her neck he mumbled "Let's just sleep now."

"Trent, it's time for breakfast." She laughed as she ran her fingers through his hair. 

"Mmhmm. Yeah I guess." He loosened his grip on her allowing her to sit back up. Trent stretched and ran his hand over his face before smoothing his hair down. "Wait who cooked?" He looked up at her in confusion. 

"I helped!" She laughed and stood. "With toast."

"Oh course you did!" Trent grabbed a pair of plaid flannel pajama pants and a t-shirt dressing quickly. 

Clay was sitting at the at the kitchen table with half lidded eyes. An untouched coffee sat in front of him. He yawned before putting his head on the table. 

"You doing okay?" Trent was more awake as he stepped closer.

"Stomach hurts." Clay mumbled into the table. 

Trent moved the coffee further from him as he put the back of his hand on the back of Clay's neck. "You don't feel warm. It's probably from the antibiotics. Maybe start with toast and see if you feel a bit better."

Serena walked back from the kitchen holding a jug of apple juice and a glass up to Trent. "Yeah." She poured the juice and placed it in front of Clay before going back into the actual kitchen. 

Sonny passed a plate full of food to Trent before grabbing one with just toast and putting it down within Clay's reach. 

When everyone had food in front of them Clay lifted his head and sipped the juice slowly fearful it would reappear. He sat more upright and realized there were three sets of eyes on him. "I'm okay just didn't sleep well." He exhaled slowly. 

Sonny nodded remembering the three times he had entered the guest room during the night. "Nightmares?"

"I'm not sure." Clay picked at the toast. "Dreams about when I was a kid."

"Anything more specific than that?" Trent took a bite of hashbrowns. "Try to eat if you think you can."

"When I was about ten I guess I got malaria. My grandparents left me at the clinic for care. I keep dreaming about it." Clay took a small bite. 

Serena glanced to Trent as anger surged through her and she attempted to ignore the feeling. "Do you want more juice?" She was heading to the kitchen before he answered. 

"Yeah, thanks." Clay took another small bite.

"You know how when we are in the field, or training, or even just working out and you are moving a certain way without thinking? Just subconsciously doing it from muscle memory. Well you're recovering from a serious infection so that may be why you are having the dreams. Malaria causes high fevers, so does sepsis." Trent reasoned. "You're body remembers being sick."

"Yeah that makes sense." Clay shifted in his chair. "Just haven't thought about that time... in a long time."

Serena returned with the juice placing it in front of him before ruffling his hair gently as she moved back to her seat beside Trent. "How you doing with the toast?" She sat and picked her fork back up poking at the eggs on her plate.

"Seems a little better." Clay yawned. "Was hoping to run an errand or two today with Sonny." He looked to his best friend who nodded. 

"I think you should rest today." Trent sipped at his coffee. 

"It'll take an hour, Trent." Clay pleaded.

"Okay but I'm giving you something for the nausea before you go and when you get back you are napping." Trent spoke sternly. 

"Deal." Clay smiled in triumph. 

An hour later Clay was sitting in Sonny's truck feeling slightly better but by no means well. He exhaled slowly to stem the nausea he had denied to Trent before leaving. The medication had helped but not completely and he was actually looking forward to the Trent mandated nap upon return. 

"Where are we headed, Kid?" Sonny watched him closely. 

"To get a wedding present." Clay smiled. "More for her than him but the wedding is a great excuse."


	22. Chapter 22

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments are always welcome and cherished. 
> 
> Thank you all for reading and I hope you enjoy!

As Sonny drove to Ray's house he turned toward Clay watching him skeptically. "I think this might be a bad idea."

"No it isn't. It's great!" Clay smiled broadly. "And I asked Naima and she said it was fine."

"Naima said it was fine? Did you tell her details?" Sonny laughed.

"Not exactly..." Clay leaned back in his seat. 

"That's what I thought, Peter Pan." Sonny glanced at him. 

After the stop at Ray's to drop off the wedding gift for the barbeque later that evening Sonny drove straight back to Trent's house while Clay leaned against the window of his truck. Sonny was surprised by just how exhausted Clay appeared but reminded himself that just a few days ago Clay had been hospitalized and would still be if not for Trent's abilities. Pulling up to Trent's apartment complex he turned to see that Clay was sleeping. 

"Hey Little Buddy, let's go inside to nap." Sonny reached out to gently shake Clay's knee. 

"No." Clay pulled away. "Please, Abeni, no... I hurt."

"Shit. Clay, come on wake up." Sonny turned more toward him. 

Clay shifted slightly as he woke. "We back?" Clay tried to hide a grimace as he reached for the door handle. 

"Yeah we are. Trent's gonna take a look at you then to bed." Sonny got out of the truck and circled to Clay's side taking his elbow and leading him inside. 

Sonny lead Clay to Trent's couch as they entered. Serena raised her eyebrows at the men before going to the bedroom to get Trent who was dressing after a shower. As he crossed the living room Trent pulled on a t-shirt over his still damp torso. 

"You look terrible. Talk to me." Trent squatted in front of Clay. 

"My stomach hurts and so does my head but mostly I'm just really tired." Clay leaned back as Trent took his pulse. "Honestly I sort of just hurt everywhere."

Trent continued his exam while Serena grabbed a bottle of water handing it to Sonny. "You're dehydrated but no fever. The antibiotics will make you feel like shit. I'm gonna put in an IV and give you some fluids while you sleep." Trent spoke softly as Sonny returned with his med kit. "I'll give you something for the nausea and headache in the line too."

"Can I just stay here?" Clay glanced toward the guest room and the distance from the couch. 

"Yeah. We have a few hours until we go to Ray's so you should be feeling better by then." Trent started the IV. "But if you don't you speak up okay?"

"Yeah." Clay spoke as he sunk deeper into the couch cushions. 

"Have you seen The Fox and the hound?" Serena returned with a fleece blanket.

"No." Clay allowed her to cover him. 

"Okay." She started the movie and lowered the volume while sitting beside him. 

Trent moved to the kitchen and opened the fridge as Sonny followed. "She's good with him." Sonny whispered. "And he let's her help."

"Yeah, didn't think about that." Trent handed him lunch meat while grabbing condiments. "I guess she is."

Sonny opened a new loaf of bread. "Good thing Davis shopped for you."

"It is." Trent looked at him knowingly. "You ever want to talk about that and I'm here."

Sonny's eyes darted away. "Thanks." It was an admission he had not expected to make but his typical response of 'don't know what you're talking bout' just didn't feel right.

Once the sandwiches were made and piled on a plate Trent and Sonny returned to the living room. Serena was sitting upright. Clay was sleeping against her with his head resting on her shoulder and his arm across her torso. Trent smiled at the image of the two while Sonny snapped a picture with his phone. As he attempted to take another Serena held up her middle finger while smiling for the picture. 

Trent stepped in front of Sonny and handed her a sandwich which she happily took without saying a word. "The kid won't wake if you talk." Trent smiled at her. 

"Oh I thought he might." Serena took a bite. 

"Kid can sleep through anything." Sonny spoke as he sat in the recliner while Trent took the rest of the couch beside her. 

"I just feel badly." Serena looked at Clay. "Doesn't help that he looks about five years old when he sleeps."

"Ding, ding, ding... took you less than a week to figure out why we call him kid." Sonny laughed. 

Trent finished his sandwich while absentmindedly watching the cartoon Serena chose. "You ever watch movies that aren't sad?"

"I do and you know it." Serena poked him. "These were my favorites as a kid." She said it quietly and Trent instantly understood why as a broken child she would gravitate to this type of cartoon. 

"Love you." He whispered it as he kissed her temple.

"Love you." Serena leaned into him as much as she could while not moving Clay who was firmly asleep.

Sonny pretended to ignore the exchange. "Kid kept me up half the damn night." Yawning he reclined the chair and moved his hat over his eyes. 

Trent did the dishes and changed the sheets on both beds. Then he straightened up the rest of the place while his brothers slept and Serena watched cartoons. He was starting a load of laundry when he heard Clay's voice.

"Abeni, please I'm scared, where's Grandma?" Tears ran down Clay's face as he mumbled into Serena. 

By the time Trent had dropped the laundry and entered the room Sonny was climbing from the recliner. "Everything is fine." Serena looked to them both as she whispered the words. "Hey you're alright. Everything is fine." She wrapped her free arm around Clay. 

"Hmm warm." Clay murmured. 

"Shh. I'm here, you're safe now." She pulled the blanket higher on his shoulders and he relaxed against her. 

Trent turned to finish the laundry nodding to Sonny to leave it. Sonny slowly sank back into the recliner watching the two on the couch. Serena sat perfectly still to let Clay sleep and Clay slept as peacefully as he had ever seen. 

Trent finished folding and putting away laundry before walking back into the living room. "Time to take this IV out and if we're going to get to Ray's on time we'll have to leave in an hour." He knelt beside Clay. "Hey, brother. Time to wake up."

Clay stirred slightly as Trent took hold of his hand and quickly removed the line. "Mhm Tr'nt, I'm warm."

"I know bud, you're sleeping with my wife." Trent smirked as Serena rolled her eyes. 

"What?" Clay opened his eyes and sat more upright. "I'm sorry." He said it to Trent as he shifted further from Serena. 

"Hey, it's all good. She's comfy." Trent smiled and held his wrist. "How are you feeling?"

"Better." He wiped sleep from his face. "Head doesn't hurt anymore. A little hungry." 

"Good. You want a shower before we go?" Trent rose. 

"Yeah maybe? In a few minutes?" Clay sounded unsure.

"What's up Blondezilla?" Sonny sat up in the recliner. 

"Just strange dreams. It's, I'm not sure." Clay sat forward reaching for his now room temperature bottle of water. 

"It'll get better when you feel better." Serena stood on shaky tingling half asleep legs stretching. 

"Sorry for falling asleep like that." He looked away from her. 

"I'm not sorry you did. Being alone is hard right now so... so it was nice having someone close." She walked to the kitchen and grabbed a soda. 

Clay smirked at Sonny. "Told you so!" He whispered.

"We'll see, Poster Boy." Sonny laughed. 

An hour later Trent drove down Ray's street toward what he realized was his own wedding reception. Glancing to Serena in blue jeans and sneakers wearing his favorite sweatshirt his smile grew. "You good?"

"I'm a little nervous actually." Serena smiled back at him. "I sort of feel like this is a test."

"Rena, if there was a test you already passed." Trent shook his head. 

"Yeah?" Serena looked at him with big eyes.

"Serena you are brave and strong but you are also gentle and kind. You let Clay sleep on you for three hours today. You passed the test." Trent reached for her hand as they pulled into the driveway. 

"I really don't know what there is about him. Maybe it's because the first time I met he was so hurt and broken. I'm not sure." Serena unhooked her seat belt but turned to Trent instead of the door. 

"I called you that night because for the first time in years I wanted to use so badly I almost went back to base to get morphine." Trent lowered his voice and his head. 

"I know." She reached out and lifted his chin. "I know. You looked at me like the broken man I met at Walter Reed. With the same haunted look in your eyes. I knew it was bad and Clay showing up just confirmed it."

"There was a boy caught in the crossfire. Clay translated every word he said as I tried to do anything I could to save him... but field medicine hurts and looking back I probably should have just shot him up with too much morphine."

"Trent, if you had done that instead of trying to save him would you have been able to look your brothers in the eye?" She ran her hand down his cheek.

"No." 

"You don't take credit for the good so you can avoid the bad... but you did what you could that doesn't make it bad. It was a horrific place to be stuck but you did what you could."

"He looked like Brock." Trent looked up. "I need to fix that."

"Not today." She smiled sadly. "Today you just relax a little."

"Yeah. We should go..." Trent smiled at her. "You sure this is enough?"

"This is everything I want and more than I need." Serena opened her door and jumped from the truck.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Clay's gift will be revealed in the next chapter, I promise!


	23. Chapter 23

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone who is reading and especially those taking the time to comment. 
> 
> Enjoy!

Everyone was gathered in Ray's backyard as they rounded the the corner of the house. Trent reached out and took her hand to calm her visible nerves. He smiled at her like a child excited for Christmas almost giddy to have her with his whole family and for just an instant she felt guilt at denying him this joy in the past. 

"The guests of honor!" Ray held up his beer. 

"The one we really like!" Sonny laughed. "You want something to drink, Ginger Snaps?"

"Thanks, Sonny. A soda will work." She smiled back at his antics.

"Can we do the presents now?" Clay started to stand. 

"Yes!" Jameelah yelled. 

"Let's wait on that. We can give them their presents after we visit for a while and eat." Ray laughed as Jameelah and Clay wore matching pouts. 

Metal handed Trent a beer while clapping him on the back. "Congrats, brother."

"Thanks, Scott." Trent smiled. "And thank you for dealing with that issue we had." Metal smiled and nodded as he moved to the grill with Jason. "His team, well Alpha, were sent to Somolia." Trent looked to Serena who nodded in understanding. "He sort of floats between teams."

Blackburn walked over to Trent wearing a smile. "Can I steal you for a minute?"

"Sure." Trent turned to Serena who nodded before walking towards Naima. "What's up?"

"I just wanted to let you know the issue with you on Bravo's last mission has been resolved. As far as the reports go you informed us as soon as you became aware of the hostage's identities. Because we were already in the air and didn't have a medic or full team without you it was decided you would Charlie Mike. The Brass wants this over and the CIA wants to save face. It's done." Blackburn sipped his beer. 

"Thank you, Eric." Trent exhaled.

"Thank Mandy too." Eric walked toward the rest of the group. 

Trent swallowed as he walked toward Naima, Davis, Mandy, and Serena. The women were standing together near a picnic table loaded with snacks and side dishes. Trent walked slowly watching as Serena tucked her loose hair behind her ear smiling and blushing. She spoke and the others laughed, he wished he had been close enough to hear their conversation. 

"Hey." He wrapped her in his arms from behind. "Having a good time?"

"Hey. I am, everything good?" Serena tilted her head to look up at him.

"Yup. All good. I've got some good people covering my ass." Trent looked into Mandy's eyes as he said it. 

Mandy nodded almost imperceptibly at him as she reached for a handful of pretzels. "Some would say the same about you." She glanced to Brock who was sitting alone near the rest of Bravo.

"Yeah I guess." He let go of Serena. "I'm gonna chat with the guys for a bit, if you're good." 

"I am." Serena turned back to the women. 

Trent sat in the chair next to Brock. "You were right about the pie at Amy's. It is the best."

"I know." Brock sipped at his beer not looking at Trent. 

"I miss you, brother." Trent spoke so softly Brock almost didn't hear him. 

"Miss you too." Brock glanced to him. "Things haven't been the same in a long time though."

"You're right, they haven't." Trent shook his head. "Been mostly blaming you for that..."

"I know. Mostly is my fault." Brock stood to leave the conversation. 

"Brock, wait." Trent sat forward. "That kid in Kandahar."

"I had nightmares about that for weeks." Brock turned back to him. 

"I still do." Trent looked at the grass below his feet. "Brock, he reminded me of you. And everytime I looked at you I saw him."

"So you stopped looking." Brock shifted from one foot to the other and back. 

"I'm sorry." Trent stood. "You were half gone anyway and I pushed you further away."

"I wasn't half gone, brother. At least I wasn't trying to be. But after... yeah after I was." Brock looked down. "For weeks I thought it might have been my round that hit that kid."

"It wasn't your round." Trent looked up shocked he had missed that due to his own pain. "I didn't realize because... It was bad all the way around."

"Did you relapse?" The words were whispered.

"No, I called Rena." Trent glanced to watch her laughing with Naima as RJ crawled on the ground meowing and hissing. "Apparently he's a cat today?"

"I guess so." Brock shrugged. "You want to go for a run tomorrow morning with me and Cerb?" 

"Yeah." Trent leaned forward to clink beers. "Sonny can stay with them."

"You should go spend some time with your beautiful wife. Food should be done soon." Brock smiled. 

"That I should." Trent stood and walked toward Serena as Mandy broke away from the group. 

"Food's done!" Metal called out. "Who wants steak?"

The group gathered at two tables set up earlier and ate. Laughter filled the yard as the members of Bravo told stories about Trent to Serena. RJ continued to crawl around pretending to be a cat while Jameelah became increasingly irritated with her brother. 

"Meelah, come here pretty girl." Clay called out to her. 

"Is it time Uncle Clay?" She jumped up and down. 

"Almost, buttercup, almost." Clay laughed as he slowly stood. "Come inside and help me?"

Sonny followed as Jameelah bounded toward the house and Clay tried to keep up with the excited child unsuccessfully. Trent laughed at their antics while reaching for Serena's hand below the table and squeezing it gently. The conversation lulled as the two men returned without Jameelah. 

"Alrighty, so this here is from Bravo and crew because none of us wanted to take Clay's credit for the other gift." Sonny laughed. "Or the blame."

"It's a good gift." Clay pouted causing everyone to laugh more. 

Trent shifted nervously as Sonny handed an envelope to him. "Hope you enjoy."

Trent smiled as he opened the card and realized they had booked a weekend in the honeymoon suite of an expensive Virginia Beach hotel. "Thank you all very much." He handed the card to Serena to look at while shaking hands and half hugging his brothers. 

"Well it's off season so it wasn't as expensive as it could have been." Brock laughed at his own joke as Trent pulled him into a tight full hug that held more meaning than the back claps and arms over shoulders of moments before. "Figured you deserved a little honeymoon before deployment."

Serena smiled as she watched amends being made and noticed Mandy doing the same. "So Clay?" 

"JamJam!" Clay looked more excited than a kid in a candy store.

Jameelah bounced from the house rushing toward Serena holding something small tightly to her chest with both hands and most of her little arms. "Aunt Rena, this is from me and Uncle Clay!" Opening her arms in front of Serena Jameelah revealed a small orange kitten. "So you don't have to be alone when Uncle Trent is away at work!"

Serena's eyes filled with tears as she took the scared kitten from Jameelah. She wasn't sure if it was being called Aunt by a child she had met two hours ago or the fact that Clay, who seemed so much like a boy, had thought to do this but either way tears were running down her face. She wiped at her eyes before standing and walking to Clay. "Thank you." Clay wrapped his arms around her with his smile still firmly in place.

"Is she mad?" Jameelah turned to Trent.

"No baby, she's happy." Trent shook his head and smiled. "And apparently we now have a cat."

"He's a rescue. Found in a storm drain and rehabbed to be homed." Clay told Serena as she held the kitten to her chest. "He's only eight weeks old but he's healthy now and has his first set shots."

"He's just perfect. Thank you so much, Clay." Serena tried and failed to control her emotions. 

"What are you going to name him?" Clay glanced to Trent relieved to see his brother smiling and nodding at him. 

"Simba." She smiled.


	24. Chapter 24

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading and commenting. 
> 
> This chapter veered in a direction I wasn't expecting.... hope you all enjoy.

"Deployment is coming up." Brock slowed his pace slightly while running beside Trent.

"Yeah. I'm nervous about leaving Rena." Trent panted as he slowed. Bending at the waist and putting his hands on his knees he looked up at his brother. "There a reason you're trying to run me to death?"

"Sorry." Brock stretched. "Forgot how old you are."

"Fuck off. But seriously you're pushing hard. What's up?" Trent walked in a small circle.

"I got in an argument with Mandy." Brock stood with his hands on his hips. 

"You wanna talk about it?" Trent stood upright. 

"No. I want to run." Brock looked to Cerb as the dog whined. 

"Then we run." Trent exhaled slowly as Brock took off. 

An hour later Trent basically hobbled back into his apartment. He was sticky with sweat and felt like he was still trying to catch his breath. He walked across the living room and straight to the refrigerator for water as Clay, Sonny, and Serena silently watched his painful steps. 

"Trent? You okay?" Sonny stood.

Trent downed the bottle of water with the fridge door still open and grabbed another before shutting it. "Went for a run with Brock."

"And?" Clay sat forward. 

"And he decided it was BUDS. I'm going to take a hot shower." Trent walked toward his bedroom while trying not to groan. 

"That seems extreme for a run." Serena stood.

"It is." Clay and Sonny spoke at almost the same time as she walked to the bedroom and shut the door behind herself. 

Trent was standing in the bathroom as the shower ran. He had shed his shirt but still wore his sweatpants. She leaned on the bathroom doorframe. "Hey there, Sailor. You want to talk about it?"

"He tired to run me to death." Trent rolled his shoulders attempting to ease the soreness. 

Serena stepped forward and stood behind him rubbing his back with her left hand. "He okay?"

"I think so, maybe?" Trent bent to take his pants off. 

"Lisa invited me to lunch." She smiled at him. 

"Oh, what were you girls laughing about yesterday?" Trent smiled at her. "All quiet and you were blushing."

"Matching underwear." Serena laughed. "I said you were the man I married because I stopped matching my bra and panties years ago and you didn't notice." 

"Invite Mandy to lunch." Trent shook his head at her as he stepped into the shower. "She might need a friend or two today."

"Just as long as it doesn't involve running." Serena walked out of the bathroom. 

NNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN

Mandy sat silently through most of their lunch while Davis and Serena chatted about anything and everything they could think of to converse about. She answered with one word answers or nods. She picked at her food and sipped at water. She was there but not present. 

"Do you want to go walk at the beach?" Lisa looked to them across the table. 

"I do, what about you Mandy?" Serena felt out of place trying to console a woman she hardly knew but Trent had seemed to think this was important so she would do her best and maybe in a more private setting could help the stoic woman. 

The nod she gave was her only response. 

After arriving at the beach Lisa turned and asked. "Mandy what's going on?" Lisa spoke softly. 

"He proposed." Mandy met her eyes. "And I said no."

She suddenly wanted to punch Trent wondering if he had known the information before telling her Mandy needed a friend today. "Why?" Serena calmly asked. 

"We're deploying in four weeks." Mandy stated the fact. 

"Do you love him?" Lisa quietly asked as she looked at the sand her heart breaking for more than one reason. 

"I do. I can't imagine my life without him, but I also can't imagine my life without my job. It's a choice he shouldn't have forced me to make." Mandy's voice cracked. 

"I'm sorry." Serena looked at her knowing there was nothing she could say to make any of this better. 

They walked further down the beach in silence. "Brock asked Trent to go running this morning. Said it was worse than BUDS and that Brock tried to run him to death." Serena stopped and turned to Mandy. "He's hurting too. Might be worth a conversation, might be worth letting him unsay what he said." 

"It might be." Mandy continued walking. "But it might just break me more."

Lisa drove Serena back to Trent's house but declined to come inside saying she had errands to run and things to wrap up. Serena had nodded wondering what the truth was but not daring to test the newly forged friendship by asking. The guys were sitting in the living room watching football when she unlocked the door and went inside. 

"Hey did you have fun?" Trent smiled as she entered.

"Food was good." Serena wasn't sure how much sharing was appropriate but she honestly wished she had stayed home.

"What's wrong?" Trent was reclined and finally comfortable after a hot shower but considered getting up. "Rena, what happened?"

"I swear to God Trent if you knew you're sharing the couch with Sonny tonight." Serena stood looking at all three men. 

"Whoa, Ginger Snaps. What did I do?" Sonny sat forward.

"Did you three Jackasses know?" Serena stared.

"Rena, none of us know what the hell you're talking about." Trent groaned as he sat forward. "Shit." He wasn't sure if he had been as sore before although he was sure he had.

"So... Brock proposed. She said no." Serena stepped closer to Trent.

"Fuck. No wonder he ran until you can't walk, Trent." Clay muted the football game. 

Trent pulled out his phone and hit his 5th speed dial. The call went straight to voicemail. He sent a text and once again attempted to stand. "Sonny text Jace."

"Is Mandy okay?" Clay looked to Serena. 

"No, not really. Said she felt like he forced her to choose and she can't imagine her life without him or the job. She seemed sad and angry but I don't really know her all that well." She walked to the kitchen and grabbed a can of soda. 

Trent slowly paced and limped around his living room with his left hand on his hip. "Where the hell did he go? He knows not to turn his phone off." 

"Trent, stop. Stop pacing. And stop being pissed at him. Would you have given a fuck about keeping your phone on if I had said no?" Serena stood in his path. 

"We don't turn our phones off." He looked as scared as when Clay didn't answer while bleeding in Germany. The panic in his eyes scared her. 

Serena wrapped her arms around his waist. "I know. Not unless you are together on base. I know."

Sonny's phone rang once before he answered. "Jace, you have any ideas?"

Trent reached out and took the phone from Sonny's ear without asking. "It's Trent... Yeah... No... You calling her... Okay... yeah I'll call if I have any luck." He hung up before turning to Clay and Sonny. "I'm gonna go check some spots he likes and Jason is going to call Mandy."

NNNNNNNNNNNNNNN

Mandy declined the call as she walked down the beach to where Brock was sitting in the sand watching the waves. It immediately rang again and this time she looked to see it was Jason before declining it again and texting him the word 'busy.' She slid the phone in her pocket while a return text was vibrating. 

Brock sat with his knees bent and his feet in the sand. His elbows rested on knees and staring straight into the waves. She sat beside his without saying a word, the vibrating in her pocket didn't stop as she ignored it. 

"Why are you here?" He didn't look at her. 

"It's the first place you kissed me. I didn't know where else to go." She watched the crashing water. 

They sat in silence for what felt like days as her phone made noise and vibrated. She left it untouched and sat with him in their brokenness. No tears were spilled as the exhaustion set in and took root. 

"I won't tell them that you broke my heart." He whispered it. 

"You shouldn't have asked." Her voice was filled with breath. "I want to go back to yesterday."

"Me too." He closed his eyes and tipped his head back as her phone rang again. The ringtone was Blackburn and she knew it was no longer something she could ignore. She stood and walked up the beach as she pulled the phone from her pocket.


	25. Chapter 25

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for reading and commenting. The next chapter will most likely be the time jump. Hope everyone enjoys.

The knock on the door at six the next morning had Sonny grumbling as he untangled his blankets and stumbled to the door. Looking through the peephole never occurred to him as he swung the door wide open. Brock stood in the hallway wearing trackpants and a sweatshirt. Cerb sat patiently beside him tail wagging. 

"Morning, Sonny. Was wondering if anyone was up for a run?" Cerb bounded inside and was met in the hallway to the bedroom by Simba who puffed and hissed at the intrusion. 

"Did you even sleep, Brock?" Sonny shut the door as Brock entered to get the dog. Cerb was backing up with his tail between his legs. 

"Yeah, of course I did." Brock stood in the living room stretching as Sonny ambled into the kitchen to start the coffee. 

Trent closed his bedroom door as quietly as he could to allow Serena to keep sleeping. "You don't turn your fucking phone off." The brokenness in his voice could be heard in the quiet way he said it. "Ever. You don't turn your phone off ever again."

Brock looked up at Trent who had clearly been woken by the conversation. His hair was standing up in odd directions and the creases from his pillow were showing lines on his face. More than anything though Brock saw worry. "It died after our run. I'm sorry."

Trent nodded at the plausible excuse. "We know what happened with Mandy."

"All good, brother. Just came to see if anyone wanted to go for a run this morning." Brock tried to school his expression. 

"I don't know whether to knock you the fuck out or hug you." Trent took the cup of coffee Sonny offered. 

"What do you want me to say, Trent? Not everyone gets a happy ending. It sucks but it's the truth." Brock leaned on the couch stretching his hamstring. "So a run?"

"Let me change." Trent sipped at the coffee adjusting to the heat before gulping it down. 

"Sonny?" Brock turned to the Texan. 

"Oh hell no. You try to runaway your feelings and I'm not a part of that." He reached for a donut. 

"I don't runaway from my feelings." Brock looked hurt for just an instant.

"Didn't say ya did. Said you try to run the feelings away. There's a difference." He dunked the donut in his coffee before taking a bite. "You push to hard when you're hurtin' and I ain't tryin' to keep up with ya. Ya nearly killed Trent yesterday... man still smells like icy hot and bengay."

Trent finished changing and walked back into the kitchen. Looking between the two he wondered what the conversation was that made them both look slightly guilty. He rolled his shoulders and stretched slowly. 

"You don't have to come." Brock looked up to him. 

"I'm good." Trent grabbed a water from the refrigerator. "What's up?"

"Sonny said you were hurting yesterday." Brock looked to Sonny. 

"It won't kill me." Trent slipped on his running shoes and bent to tie the laces. "Ready when you are."

Trent regretted agreeing to run with Brock again when they started their fourth mile of the run. His chest ached and there was a stabbing pain in both his sides near his hips. He slowed his pace slightly panting to try and get a deep breath. He slowed more. 

Brock circled back when he saw that Trent was no longer beside him. Brock was jogging in place beside him as Trent hunched over. "You okay?"

"Nah." Trent stepped from the track as his stomach rolled and he tried unsuccessfully not to gag. He wretched and spit bile. "Think I'm done." He was referring to vomiting. 

"Oh yeah, you're done." Brock stood closely as Trent spit again while still bent over. "Let's get you home."

Trent felt shaky and sticky and cold by the time they pulled into the parking lot of his apartment complex. "I feel like shit."

"I can see that." Brock turned off his truck. "From the running or something else?"

"That wasn't running. That was four miles of sprinting." He smiled to Brock who looked back guilty. "Honestly I think the last week and a half caught up with me."

"Sonny is gonna kick my ass." Brock shook his head. 

"Nope. I was jogging with you... thinking it's a stomach bug." Trent smiled at the lie.

"That the other three people in your house won't catch? Good try." Brock looked to Cerb in the back. 

"Come inside?" Trent turned toward him. 

"Might actually go run a bit more." Brock stared out the windshield. 

"So I actually might need some help getting inside." Trent exhaled slowly. "And it might actually be something more than stress. And Cerb looks as tired as I feel so... Come inside?"

"Yeah." Brock undid his seatbelt. "I shouldn't have asked her. I keep thinking maybe I knew she would say no."

"Did you want her to say yes?" 

"Yeah." 

"Brock, she loves her job. After all the hell of clearing up the mess I made going on the rescue operation for Rena, you had to know it would be a choice between the two." Trent was confused.

"My enlistment is up in four months. This would have been my last deployment." Brock looked at his hands. 

"Shit..." Trent sat quietly for a few seconds. "You weren't going to reup?"

"No. I don't know what would have been next but the last few months every spin up seemed harder in a way I haven't felt before." He put his head against the stirring wheel. "Felt like I didn't belong anymore. And Cerb is getting older, seemed like maybe it was the time. I'm not sure I have the energy to train a new dog."

"If that run is any indication you have the energy." Trent swallowed hard. 

"Let's get you inside." Brock reached for the door. "You think a line would help?"

"Not necessary. Some Pedialyte and a nap will do." Trent opened his door. 

Serena watched as Trent and Brock walked into the apartment. She was sitting on the couch with Simba purring in her lap. Cerb made his way over to her sniffing the small cat. "Hey buddy. How are you?" She let Cerb smell the hand that had been petting the kitten and looked up to the men. "Better than Trent, huh?"

"Ugh. I need to sit." Trent slouched beside her. 

"I'll grab Pedialyte from the fridge." Brock lowered his head and walked into the kitchen. 

"You look like hell." She ran a hand through his sweaty hair and let it rest on the back of his neck. 

"I need to rehydrate and rest. I'll be fine." Trent leaned into her touch. 

"Ah that famous Trent Sawyer line of 'I'll be fine just as long as my brothers are.' You're not fine, Trent." She squeezed the back of his neck as she whispered the words. 

"I'm tired and worn out." Trent cracked his neck. 

"Here you go. I can take off." Brock handed him the drink. 

"You should stay. We both know he's not going to rest unless he knows you're okay and Sonny and Clay should be back soon." Serena tucked her legs under herself. 

"Yeah. I can stay." Brock sat uncomfortably in the recliner fidgeting. "Where'd they go anyway?" 

"Clay wanted an outing. They ran to the store." Serena smiled. "I think it was to see how I'd do alone with Simba actually."

"And?" Trent put a hand on her knee. 

Serena's smile widened. "And, Simba makes it better." The smiled faded slightly. "I've traveled the world alone and spent time in places no one should be and somehow being here alone seems like the scariest place on the planet sometimes."

"It'll get better. It will." Trent rubbed her leg. 

"It will. Trent, go shower. You smell." She laughed. 

"Brock help me up." Trent reached out his left hand. Brock stood and grasped his wrist and pulled him up. "Thanks."

"Yeah. You care if I make food?" Brock stayed standing. 

"Not at all." Trent made his way to the bathroom. 

Brock moved into the kitchen and looked in the cupboards and refrigerator. He exhaled slowly and turned back to look at Serena. "You interested in anything specific?"

"Cereal. That's about the extent of my abilities in the kitchen and what I'm used to." Serena reached for a bowl. 

"You getting sick of sharing space with all of Bravo instead of just Trent?" Brock put bread in the toaster and grabbed applebutter from the refrigerator. 

"It's different than what I expected. When I've been with Trent before it was just us... so guess I never realized how truly close you guys all were... had to see it to know. But in a way it makes everything about him make more sense." Serena poured milk over cinnamon toast crunch cereal.

"You ever had that cooked on actual French toast? It's good." Brock smiled as she shook her head. "I'll make you some another time....He's right you know about being okay. It takes time and there are some things that don't feel like we'll ever get over but we do." 

"You talking about me or you?" Serena put her spoon down. 

"Both, I guess." Brock looked to the door as Sonny and Clay came inside.

"You kill Trent this time?" Sonny carried snack items and fruit into the kitchen. 

"He's drinking Pedialyte so he's still alive at least." Clay pointed to the grape flavored drink on the coffee table. 

"He assures me he will be fine." Serena took another bite of her cereal while rolling her eyes. 

"He vomited and said we weren't running we were sprinting. Might have pushed a bit hard." Brock took a bite of his toast. 

"He omitted the puking while saying he was fine." Serena scowled. 

"Not surprising. He'd kill us for omittin' a damn hangnail." Sonny turned to Brock. "You gonna deal with your shit or just run him to death?"

"Nothing to deal with. A bad day or two. All good." Brock lied ineffectively.

Clay laughed outright. "Yup and I wasn't really that sick. Just a slight infection."

"No. You were level ten sick. What are we debating though?" Trent left the bedroom door open and he walked out still towel drying his hair.

"Oh you know Sonic says he's all good. Just a bad day or two." Sonny laughed. "I say running you until you collapse says more but what do I know?"

"I didn't collapse." Trent stole a piece of toast off Brock's plate.

"No you just puked." Serena raised her eyebrows.

"Thanks, Brock." Trent took more of his toast. 

"It's not on Brock that you didn't tell me." She smiled at Trent. 

"No it isn't." Trent shook his head and was put in his place.

"Is that how deployment goes too? Months of you omitting?" She walked away.


	26. Chapter 26

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all so much for reading and for those who comment. I appreciate you all so much. 
> 
> ~~~~~~  
> Indicates explicit material  
> ~~~~~~
> 
> Enjoy!

As he walked to the C-17 he turned back to look at her. She stood at the fence with her fingers linked into the metal. She was smiling at him but he knew it was to hide the tears she would cry later when he wasn't there in their bed tonight.

"It's easier to get on the plane if you don't look back, brother." Ray stepped closer. 

"I don't think I ever understood before." Trent turned back around to walk forward. 

"Can't unless you're where you are now." Jason walked on his other side. 

They hung hammocks and settled into the flight as they reached cruising altitude. "I'm sick of J-bad." Brock spoke quietly as the first beers were opened. 

"Amen, brother." Jason knocked their bottles. 

"Always somehow feels like the same movie I've seen too many times." Ray sat beside Sonny. 

"Clear out the scum and come back in a year or so to do it all again." Sonny added his piece. 

"Never seems to change." Clay opened his beer as he sat. 

Trent watched the interaction filled with dread. If someone had told him a year before that this could be Brock's last deployment with Bravo and he himself would be one foot on the plane, the other in Va Beach with his wife he would have died of laughter. He sipped his beer and watched his brothers.

He watched as they slowly drifted around the plane. Sonny and Clay starting a poker game with Ray. Jason chatting with Blackburn. Brock swinging in his hammock. Lisa and Mandy with their heads together as usual. Trent watched the pain in Mandy as her eyes wandered to Bravo. 

He tried to rid himself of the thought that they weren't anywhere near the right space for this deployment. That this was the beginning of what could be their last mission as a whole. He watched them all while silently begging himself to let everything go and compartmentalize in the way he used to without having to think. 

"You good?" Clay sat beside him and he wondered when the poker game had ended. 

"Just thinking." Trent took the water offered.

"Talk?" Clay glanced tobthe swinging hammocks. 

"Just feels like a bad way to start." He sipped the water. 

"Yeah, it does. Just gotta get to the other side." Clay smiled faintly. "Rena handle you leaving okay?"

"Yeah I think so. She's a lot stronger than me. I think the therapist we found has helped. And that damn cat you got her." Trent bumped their shoulders. 

"When I was a kid there was a stray dog. Figured a dog would be more work and might piss you off more than a cat." Clay flashed him a smile. "I'm glad she's doing better."

"She calls the guestroom, Clay's room." Trent laughed. "I think she misses having you around."

"You did good with her." 

"I know how lucky I got." Trent sat back into the net seat picturing her smiling face first thing in the morning. 

NNNNNNNNNNNNNNN

Serena woke early, or maybe late she wasn't sure anymore, hoping to be able to Skype with Trent. It had been four weeks since she had held him and six days since she had seen his face or heard his voice. His emails were short and just a reassurance that he was okay. She pulled his pillow to her chest and her eyes began to dip before she forced herself to sit up slowly. 

She opened her laptop and switched the bedside lamp on, the alarm clock shouted silently to return to sleep as it flashed the time. She connected and waited hoping to see his face. Leaning back into the pillows her eyes tried to close. Simba crawled from the foot of the bed until he was curled across her lap. 

Trent smiled as the call connected. He laughed when he realized she was asleep. Clay was standing closely in their small shared space and turned to see what the medic was laughing about. 

"It's actually sort of adorable, look how happy that damn cat is." Clay laughed as he moved away. 

"Is that Ginger Snaps?" Sonny moved to say hello before seeing her asleep. "You really should take a picture as payback for all the 'Trent is sleeping' pictures she has of you."

Trent watched her sleep smiling at the screen. He muted himself not to disturb her and leaned back listening to her softly breathe. The smile on his face faded. "Hey guys does she seem to be breathing normally to you?" 

Both men stepped closer and watched her sleep thousands of miles away. They glanced at each other and then to Trent before looking back at the screen. "Trent, she's fine. You're paranoid cause you're not there." Sonny patted his shoulder and walked away. 

"Seems off." Trent leaned closer to the screen focusing on watching and listening to her sleep. 

"A little fast. Maybe she has a cold. I wouldn't worry too much, brother." Clay followed Sonny outside into the midday heat. 

Trent unmuted himself. "Rena. Hey beautiful can you wake up?" He waited a minute just watching her. "Serena Grace Sawyer, I love you so much even if you haven't stayed awake to talk this week." Trent watched her sleep as he quickly wrote her an email letting her know how much he loved her and that their call had connected so he had just watched her sleep.

He watched her knowing she would be upset when she realized she had missed their call but he couldn't help smile at how comfortable she looked curled up with her kitten tucked into his bed. He waited to end the call until Jason stepped into the room to let him know they were heading out soon and needed to brief. 

Walking across the base Trent turned to Jason. "I'm worried about Rena."

"Why?" Jason held his pace.

"She's missed calls all week and slept through the one today." Trent put his hands in his pockets and his head down. 

"Today here.. her time it's what like three in the morning?" Jason kept walking. "It's her first deployment. She's adjusting."

"You're probably right. Her breathing seemed different... Clay says she probably has a cold." Trent sped up to keep up with Jason. "I'm being that guy, huh?"

"You absolutely are." Jason smiled as he opened the door. 

NNNNNNNNNNNNNNN

Serena woke close to six in the morning with her laptop still open next to her. "Fuck." She mumbled as she realised the call had connected and lasted for almost a half hour. 

She closed the tab and opened her email seeing she had two new ones from Trent. The first email was as close to a love note as Trent would ever write. The second email was short and to the point letting her know he would be off base and out of touch for at least the next three days. 

As the tears slipped down her cheeks she reached for his pillow hugging it and inhaling deeply. She wanted to yell, to scream, to punch something. Anger at herself for falling back asleep coursed through her as she cried ugly messy tears. 

When she woke for the day hours later she was still clutching his pillow. Sighing heavily she sat up. Today was supposed to be a good day. She was getting a new camera today and had made plans with Naima to take photos of RJ and Jameelah to send to Ray, but now she wished she could just stay curled up in bed. 

She walked to the kitchen and grabbed a bottle of water from the fridge before sitting at the table. Pulling out her phone she hit reply on his email. 'Trent, I'm so sorry I missed you. I have a bit of a cold and haven't felt the best this week. Be safe and we will talk soon.' She exhaled slowly while moving to shower. 

As she climbed into the hot stream she thought of the last night Trent had spent with her at home. They'd eaten pizza and spent most of the evening in bed. As the evening progressed she was sticky from the combination of both their sweat. She had stepped into the shower and he had followed.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

She closed her eyes as she remembered the feeling of his left hand pulling back at her hips to steady her while his hand right pleasured her. He pushed his hardness against her back and groaned with her as she reached release. He was panting as he longed to enter her. As her forehead touched the cool tile her fingers took her over the edge. The image of Trent dripping in the shower as he lifted her onto his shaft filled her mind. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Serena finished her shower and dried off grateful not to have to deal with a cast anymore. Pulling jeans up to her hips she quickly changed her mind and switched to black leggings before retrieving a sweater she had never actually seen Trent wear from his side of closet. She buttoned the light brown cardigan half way and glanced in the mirror satisfied she could pull off the clashing colors before grabbing a hairtie and pulling her still wet hair back.

She sent a quick text to Naima explaining she got a late start and would be over in an hour. She grabbed her keys and she turned back into the apartment, to the kitchen. Serena grabbed a package of saltine crackers and headed out the door.


	27. Chapter 27

In the following three weeks Serena had managed to make it to two Skype calls and missed many more. Trent had emailed asking her to go to the doctor, questioning whether her exhaustion was caused by mononucleosis. She assured him she would and googled how long the test took before waiting the appropriate amount of time and letting him know it wasn't Mono. Then he had Skype called her in what was the middle of his night. Seeing her wake from a midday nap startled him.

"Hey beautiful." He said it quietly. 

"Oh yeah I look amazing with dried drool on my chin." Serena laughed. 

"How was your nap?" He yawned as he asked. 

"Good. Feeling better." She smiled at him. "You look exhausted."

"Been a long few days." Wiping his eyes he laughed at something off screen before turning back. "The guys want to say hi." He turned off his Bluetooth headphones and Sonny came into view. 

"Ginger Snaps! How are you?"

"I'm good Pumba. How are you?" Serena laughed as he danced behind Trent. 

"I'm super!" Sonny smiled widely through the screen.

"Hey Serena, thank you so much for the pictures they turned out amazing." Ray spoke with genuine gratitude. 

"Well I'm not sure how they wouldn't with the models I had." She thought back to taking the photos and even snapping a few of Naima to include for Ray and smiled. 

"Miss you." Clay's face appeared. 

"I miss you too, all of you." Her eyes locked on Trent's. 

"When we get home let's get some chicken tikka masala and have a movie night!" Clay exclaimed. 

Serena swallowed hard at the thought of Indian Food before she tried to hide the reaction with a laugh. "Deal."

"Alright guys, firepit." Brock smiled at the camera. "Enjoy your talk."

"Thanks Brock." Serena waved. 

Trent waited while they filtered out of the makeshift barracks before he turned back to face her. "So how are you really feeling?" 

"Trent, I'm fine really." 

"You don't look fine. You look exhausted and like you've lost weight. Rena, I'm worried." He folded his arms. 

"I'm just getting used to all this. And we both know your boys always feed me so maybe I haven't made as much of an effort as I should." She wanted so badly to reassure him. 

"Rena." Trent closed his eyes. "Is this too hard for you?"

"What?" Serena's eyes filled with tears.

"This life... is it too much? Too much stress? Too much worry? Too much being away from each other? Is it all just too much?" Trent whispered his fears aloud.

A tear spilled down her cheek as she resisted the urge to slam the laptop shut. "No." Serena's breath hitched. "None of it is too much. But you asking might be... Did you want me to say yes?"

"No! Of course not." Trent shook his head. "Hey please don't cry." Serena's eyes were downcast but he could see her tears. "Can you look at me?"

"I'm trying not to cry. It's hard being here without you. I'm sorry." Serena looked up. 

"Rena, I'm worried about you. It's been a hard few months. Are you still seeing your therapist?" Trent watched her cry wishing he could hold her.

"Yeah."

"Good. Do you think maybe an antidepressant would help? I know you're putting in the work to get better but maybe just a low dose would help?" Trent realized he was touching the screen longing to touch her soft skin. 

"I'll talk about it with her and my doctor. I love you, Trent Sawyer." Serena wished he was there to hold her. 

Trent smiled. "I love you, Serena Sawyer."

NNNNNNNNNNNNNNN

Serena spent the next two weeks diligently setting multiple alarms to wake her for Skype calls and rewording emails to be upbeat and happy. She made a point of laughing louder and hiding tears more. Trent smiled freely when they spoke and the rest of Bravo seemed more relaxed when the two spoke. Things settled into a calm she decided she could live with while she waited another month for his return. 

She was editing photos she had taken of Emma the week before for the girl to use as headshots on auditions when there was a knock at the apartment door. Serena grabbed Trent's Bakersfield sweatshirt and threw it on over the tank top she was wearing. She moved from the kitchen table to the door and peered through the peephole. 

On the other side Naima stood with her back straight and worry written across her features. Serena opened the door. "Have you seen the news?" Naima walked into the apartment and moved to the TV turning it on without waiting for a response. 

The anchor spoke as images of horror flashed across the screen, of men running, of women crying out, and children screaming. 'And now we go to our correspondent in Jalalabad, Afghanistan Parker Philips. Parker can you hear us?' The image changed to a reporter wearing combat gear including a helmet. 'Parker can you tell us what is happening on the ground there?'

Serena sunk down onto the couch as Naima sat beside her and took her hand. Parker reported on an attack at the military base in Jalalabad and the city that local civilian contractors lived in. He spoke of mortars and RPGs, of small arms and explosions.

Serena's other hand cradled her midsection as they sat silently watching a news report that might destroy their lives for what felt like years. "Naima they are so well trained. I've seen them doing what they do. And Trent," her breath caught. "Trent will do everything he can."

"I've done this before. It's terrifying but I've been here before. I came here because it's your first deployment." Naima turned to her. 

"When will we know?" Serena could not say what they would know.

"We would be notified within twenty-four hours. Makes for a long day. If we hear nothing that means one of them might be hurt but not our spouse or they are all fine." Naima reached for the remote. "Can I turn this off?"

"Please." She closed her eyes and said a prayer that he was safe before looking to the seasoned wife beside her. "Thank you for coming. I know that reporter. He's a good guy. Do you want something to drink?"

"Whiskey." Naima looked at the clock noting it was now afternoon. 

"Okay." Serena moved to the kitchen and started a kettle to heat water for tea before reaching up to the top shelf above the stove. Trent kept a small amount of alcohol there, the whiskey bottle was pushed to the back. 

Naima watched as Serena stood on her tiptoes reaching for the bottle. As she stretched the sweatshirt she was wearing lifted higher on her abdomen. "How many weeks?" Naima smiled as she asked. 

"What?" She almost dropped the liquor bottle as she spun around to face the other woman. 

"You're showing just a bit. How many weeks are you?" Naima took the bottle from her and poured a glass as the kettle whistled. 

Serena bit her lip and smiled. "Almost eleven. Trent doesn't even know yet I wanted to tell him in person... I hope I get to tell him." Tears welled in her eyes.

Naima downed the whiskey in a way that would make Sonny Quinn proud. "You will." She crossed the room and wrapped Serena with her arms holding her while she wept.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yup a little Sawyer is on the way... hopefully Daddy Sawyer and all the Bravo uncles are alright :(


	28. Chapter 28

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Action scenes are not easy for me to write but with a show like Seal Team they are necessary. With that said I apologize for the wait as I struggled to make this authentic. 
> 
> I also tried a back and forth format to explore both sides of the coin so to speak. Please let me know if you feel this works. 
> 
> Enjoy and feel free to comment. Reading all your thoughts brings me such joy.

"Where's Reynolds?" Trent yelled above the gunfire as Clay threw himself from the top bunk to the floor. "Everyone good?"

"Not sure I like the wake up call but I'm good." Sonny was crouched on the other side of the room. "We gotta get to ops and figure out what the fuck is going on."

"I'm good. Four, you're bleeding." Clay crawled on his stomach to Trent. 

"Got winged. It's nothing." Trent glanced down at his left bisep.

"Let me look." Clay pushed Trent's short sleeve up to his shoulder. 

"Fine. Where the fuck is Brock?" Trent looked around the small space as if the man would magically appear. 

"He sneaks out every night." Clay applied a bandage to Trent's arm. "Don't know where he goes."

"Fucking great." Trent winced at the sting in his arm. 

The window above Sonny shattered. "We gotta move." The Texan held his sidearm in front of him. 

The three men frog hopped from their location across the base moving as one until Trent reached the door to the Ops center and flung it opened. They basically tumbled into the secure location with Sonny being last and pulled in by Clay and Blackburn. Sonny's eyes instantly locked on Davis as she moved around with a satellite phone to her ear. 

"One, two, five?" Blackburn asked. 

"Haven't seen them. What the hell is going on?" Clay moved to the live images of the base and city under siege. 

Sonny moved to the weapons and handed Trent an HK416. "We going?" 

"Hold up, Sonny. We need a plan." Blackburn moved to grab a gun as well. 

"Plan is... they're out there... we go get 'em." Sonny stated. 

NNNNNNNNNNNNNNN

Serena woke curled on the couch and for a brief moment she thought that maybe Naima never came. Maybe it was nothing more than a vivid nightmare. And then she heard the other woman moving around her kitchen. She fixated for a moment on the fact that she now thought of it as her kitchen not just Trent's before she sat more upright. Her stomach rolled and she quickly made her way to the bathroom. 

The gentle knock on the bathroom door told her Naima knew exactly what was happening. The petite woman quietly opened the door and knelt beside her holding a glass of water. She sipped at the offered water waiting for her stomach to settle a bit. 

"Thank you." Serena turned slightly. 

"Of course." Naima smiled. 

"Not just for the water." 

"I know."

"Does it ever get easier?" Serena put her hand on her small bump. 

"Pregnancy or waiting to see if a casualty assistance officer is about to knock in your door?" Naima sat beside her on the bathroom floor.

"Both, either?" She sipped at the water. 

"Yes and no to the first and the second. You starting to feel better? You should try to eat something."

"Yeah. An apple. Seems to be the only thing that stays down." Serena stood up on shaking legs.

NNNNNNNNNNNNNNN

They put comms in their ears, gathered what weapons they thought they might need and headed back out into the mayhem. The four men including Blackburn moved throughout the base before happening upon Jason. 

"Move, move, move." Bravo 1 yelled to the young sailors he had assumed command of as they defended the front gate of the base. 

"Davis is running the Ops center. I'll stay here. Jace, where's Ray? Have you seen Brock? Mandy?" Blackburn spoke rapidly. 

"Negative. You guys alright? Four?" Jason looked at each of them noting the bandage on Trent's arm. 

"Good, boss." He spoke quickly and passed Jason an extra earpiece.

An explosion rocked the other side of the base and the men immediately started moving into the chaos desperately searching for their missing brothers. "Anything?" Sonny called out. 

"No." Clay's voice sounded broken through the comms. 

"Keep moving." Jason yelled. 

NNNNNNNNNNNNNNN

"I wish I could reach out to people I know. People like Parker. But what do I say? 'Hey Parker I know we haven't spoken in a year or so but I'm married to a tier one special forces operator on deployment in J-bad and was wondering if you can get some info, his name is...' It's asinine and I know it is but somehow it's harder knowing people there." Serena turned to Naima as she ate an apple slice.

"You definitely don't make that call." Naima sipped at water. 

"This sucks. What time is it?" She turned toward the clock. "The initial attack started what six hours ago? Eighteen to go unless they are still in the fight, then who knows."

"It's better not to do that. Not to give yourself a timeline. They are fine unless the phone rings." Naima took her hand. 

NNNNNNNNNNNNNNN

They split into two groups with Clay and Trent on one side of the driveway alley and Sonny and Jason on the other as they moved further. The pace was slower than any of them wanted but they moved with purpose and skill. Wreckage and distraction surrounded as they approached a burning humvee. 

Sonny was the first to see. "Fuck. Bravo 2 is down and has no cover." 

"RAY!" Jason cupped his hands around his mouth and yelled out. A shot rang out hitting the ground near their brother. "Sniper."

"Gotta get eyes on where that shooting is coming from." Clay's mind flashed back to a time when a sniper had him pinned down and Ray saved his life. The difference was he'd had a gun, a tac vest, a helmet and Ray way laying in the dirt about as defenseless as Simba. 

"Six can you go high for eyes?" Jason spoke through their comms as they all watched Ray start to stir. "RAY STAY DOWN!" 

"He's gonna get picked off." Trent took a small step forward as their brother moved again. "DOWN BRAVO 2!

Clay felt like his heart might beat out of his chest as he stood watching Ray struggle and Trent take a small step. His mind took him to an LZ watching Brian spiral to the ground. To an alley not that different in Mumbai when an S-Vest took his mentor. It drifted to goodbyes said a foot away as water filled a tube and Sonny's lungs. He closed his eyes for a split second and heard 'Yodo' echoing in his mind. 

Trent was contemplating his chances of making it to Ray when the pain in his arm suddenly felt like fire. Reaching to it he found Clay's hand holding it tightly and pulling him backwards. Trent was shoved toward the wall and Clay sprinted out with no cover.

"Shit! Cover fire!" The rapid gunfire was aimed in the general direction of the sniper but not specific.

NNNNNNNNNNNNNNN

"Where are RJ and Jameelah?" Serena leaned into the couch. 

"With my Mom. She knows not to turn on the news. How are you feeling?" 

"A bit numb." She smiled sadly. "That's normal right?"

"It is." Naima nodded. "Why didn't you tell anyone about the baby?"

Serena's hand instinctively went to her abdomen. "I wanted to tell him first." She smiled at her friend. "When I first got back, when we got married, I told him I wasn't on my birth control. He tried to hide his face but I saw his smile. I watched as he thought about the possibility. I was so... broken, I couldn't talk about it really but in his eyes I saw something I had never seen in all the years of knowing him. I wanted to see that look again when I tell him."

"You will. Although he might take one look at you and just know so tell him quickly!" Naima laughed. 

"You might be right. I feel bad because he knows something is going on. Thinks that I have mono or need an antidepressant. I feel like an ass every single time he asks if I'm okay." Serena looked down. 

"Oh poor Trent. You got a good one though. I'm sure knowing would make it harder on him in a way though." Naima laughed lightly. "When I was pregnant for RJ I had morning sickness worse than the first time around Jameelah. Ray must have mentioned it to the guys because Trent showed up on a Saturday morning. He brought ginger candies, saltines, real ginger ale. He even brought almond milk in case dairy was making it worse." 

"That was sweet of him." Serena smiled at the thought of Trent taking care of Naima. 

"He claimed as a medic he was just doing his job. I laughed so hard when Ray asked when the last time Jace or Sonny had morning sickness was." They both laughed at the thought. "Then he played with Jameelah while I napped and Ray did work around the house. He came back every weekend they were home to help out until I was feeling better."

NNNNNNNNNNNNNNN

Trent stumbled backwards before hitting the wall and sliding to his ass in the dirt. "Fucking Spenser." He mumbled it before returning fire and trying to provide cover. 

The three remaining members watched Clay sprint across the open expanse. He was ten feet from Ray when his body jerked suddenly to the left. He twisted awkwardly in an unnatural way before he landed on his side and immediately started crawling and dragging himself to the small bit of cover where Ray laid motionless again. 

"Six, what is your status?" Jason's voice boomed in their ears as the gunfire died down. 

"He's lost a lot of blood. Took a round to his upper chest. No exit. Applying pressure now." Clay gasped into his headset. 

"We all know Ray's fucked. One asked about you!" Sonny's clipped tone rang out. 

"I'm good." Clay responded. 

"Six, where are you hit?" Trent voice was calm as he imagined ringing the kid's neck. 

"Right leg. Can't really feel that leg anyway." Clay's response spoke of shock. 

NNNNNNNNNNNNNNN

They turned the news back on to listen to another report. Simba was curled in Serena's lap. Her eyes stayed on the background of the shot instead of the reporter speaking. 

"It's very strange being here. Normally I would either already be there or I'd be on a flight there with too much camera equipment in my carry-on." Serena's eyes stayed on the screen as she spoke. 

"Sort of like if I just watched a mass casualty incident while wearing my scrubs." Naima glanced to her. 

"Yeah it's strange." Serena pulled a throw blanket from the back of the couch wrapping it around herself for comfort not warmth. "How do you stay so calm?"

"I've spent time panicking and honestly it does no good. When he comes home, and I have to always believe he will, I have to be his calm." Naima shook her head slightly.

"I want to be his calm, I do." Serena's eyes filled with tears once more. "I'm just terrified." 

"Well that little one doesn't make being calm any easier." 

"No, not at all. I feel like crying all the time, even when I have no reason to so having a reason doesn't help."

NNNNNNNNNNNNNNN

"Bravo One, this is Blackburn. How copy?"

"Good copy." Jason's voice responded. 

"I'm high. Need to draw their fire." Blackburn spoke from a rooftop above the corridor. 

"Got it boss." Trent put his hat on the end of his gun and held it around the corner. Instantly gunfire sounded and silence followed. 

"Move!" Jason yelled it as he ran across the courtyard to his best friend and his baby brother. "I've got him, Clay."

Clay held pressure on the high wound refusing to release his hold on Ray. "I got him."

"Come on Rambo, you're bleeding too." Sonny wrapped his arms around Clay's torso gently pulling him away to allow Jason and Trent access to their more severely injured teammate.

"We need to get him to medical. Both of them" Trent spoke calmly. 

NNNNNNNNNNNNNNN

Serena woke sometime later to Naima once again moving around her kitchen. She closed her eyes for a moment more trying not to imagine a life here without him. A life where she spent her days telling a child about the father they never knew who never knew of their existence. A life alone with more responsibility than she could possibly imagine.

"He asked me if this was too much and I said no." Serena stood in the threshold of the kitchen. "I need you to tell me how to make this not too much."

"Serena, that's not something I can teach. Because it's not something that's teachable." Naima turned to face her. "I can tell you that the first deployment is the hardest. After the first one you know what it feels like when he comes home again and you hold on to that feeling. That feeling will get you through all of these moments." 

"I hope so." Serena opened a package of saltines. 

"I'm making chicken and rice. I hope that's okay." 

"Yeah it is." Serena sat at the table. She looked at the pictures of Emma and started exiting them again. "Maybe keeping busy will help?"

"It will. I usually bake but your kitchen isn't really stocked." Naima laughed.

NNNNNNNNNNNNNNN

Trent and Jason carried Ray into the medical bay as Sonny and Blackburn helped a struggling Clay. The room was filled with chaos. Yelling doctors and nurses traiged and tagged patients according to who they could help and who was beyond help. Who could wait and who was already lost. 

Across the room Trent's eyes landed on Mandy as Ray was wheeled away. Her eyes were vacant, her back pushed against the wall as if she was trying to melt away. He was moving before he realized he was doing it. Crossing through the space as patients cried out and morphine was pushed until he was standing in front of her while she stared blankly at him. 

"Mandy!" He said her name louder than he meant to. "Mandy are you okay?"

Mandy looked down at herself for the first time. Her khaki pants were covered in sand. Stuck to her in places that would hurt to peel the fabric from. Her eyes traveled to the once white t-shirt that was now smeared with blood, so thick in spots that it had started to clot. She looked up to Bravo's medic whose eyes were filled with worry. "It's not my blood."

NNNNNNNNNNNNNNN

The T.V. was turned from the news to a Hallmark Christmas movie with acting as bad as the script. So bad in fact that neither were watching for the plot. They were laughing and mocking the actors and lines they were speaking. Naima was curled under an extra blanket on the opposite side of the couch from Serena. 

"Do you care if I stay tonight? I might have drank to much to drive." She smiled sheepishly. 

"I was hoping you'd stay actually. Being alone tonight doesn't seem very appealing." Serena looked at her as she yawned. 

The ringing phone startled Serena awake between two and three in the morning. She fumbled with the blankets wrapped around her and Naima on the couch. Naima didn't stir. 

She half tripped on the coffee table before reaching the phone and answering it in a groggy voice. "Hello?"

"Naima?" The man paused. "It's Eric."


	29. Chapter 29

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so thankful so many are reading and enjoying. Thank you to all those readers taking the time to comment. 
> 
> Enjoy!

Serena paced around the apartment while Naima spoke to Eric. Guilt washed over her as she thanked God it wasn't her phone that rang. She glanced to the dark haired woman for a sign of any kind. Naima asked questions but showed no emotion. She talked softly and in a way that almost seemed intended to comfort the man who called. She would have yelled. She would have screamed and cried. She would have blamed him. 

As she watched the woman sit silently listening she longed for home in a way she never had, not even as a child bounced around by incompetent county workers. She wished for his arms around her, for his breath on her neck as he whispered that everything was fine in her ear. For everything to actually be fine. 

The rock of a woman that was Naima Perry finally spoke again before ending the call and turning to watch her pace. "Ray is being flown to Germany for surgery." 

Serena crossed the room and sat beside her. "So do you go there? Or stay here? What happens next, Naima?"

"He'll have surgery in Germany and then be flown back stateside when he is stable enough." She slumped slightly and put her face in her hands.

"Naima, I know you think you have to be strong to be his calm and I know that right now he needs you, maybe more than he ever has before, but if you need to break just a bit before then... he would never know." Serena moved closer. 

"Maybe just a little." Tears spilled from her eyes as Serena wrapped her arms around her. 

NNNNNNNNNNNNNNN

Trent exhaled slowly as Jason stitched the wound on his arm closed. "We could use staples." 

"We'll leave them for those more critical." He tipped his head back to rest it against the wall and closed his eyes fighting exhaustion. 

"Lidocaine?" 

"Jason, you're being a bitch about this, just do it." 

"You're nicer at home." Jason laughed. 

"I have a reason to be." Trent smiled lightly. 

"You should call her. This shitshow has made the news." Jason pulled the wound together with thread. 

"We're blackout." Trent looked at him in confusion. 

"Yeah. Blackburn called Naima. You're listened as Clay's next of kin and apparently Brock didn't list anyone." Jason turned slightly to grab a fresh dressing. 

"His insurance and death benefit have to go somewhere." Trent lowered his eyes to watch Jason finish working on his arm. 

"He's not dead." Jason stopped what he was doing and looked up. "And he's not going to be."

"I'm not saying that. I'm just saying there has to be someone listed somewhere." Trent shrugged. 

"Yeah some charity that provides toys for MWDs." Jason smiled sadly. "Listen, my whole point is call your wife."

"Yeah. I will." Trent inhaled deeply. 

NNNNNNNNNNNNNNN

"Do you want coffee?" Serena moved from the couch.

"Tea is fine. The smell of coffee made me sick when I was pregnant." Naima sat up more running a hand over her face.

"I'll deal." 

"It's okay." Naima stood and walked into the kitchen starting the kettle for tea. 

The whistle of the kettle was interrupted by the ringing of Serena's phone. Serena turned to look at Naima while holding the phone with no intention of answering it. The whistling kettle grew louder. The ringing continued. 

She thought back to war zones and photos of the dead and dying. Of famine and the stench of genocide. Of bodies piled high and armed men so accustomed to death that they almost didn't even see it anymore. She thought of Greece and the broken man from Walter Reed that stole her heart with a nickname. She thought of a shack in Somalia where she spoke to a dead man for days. And the phone rang. 

"Answer it, Serena." Naima took a step closer. 

"I... I can't." Her hand shook as she passed the phone to her friend. 

Naima looked down at the phone, at the number that belonged to the satellite phone. Taking a deep breath she prayed that Trent would come home and know before answering and putting it on speaker.

"Hello." 

"Naima?" Trent's voice filled room. 

"Yeah, I'm with Serena." She stepped closer as Serena sank into a wooden chair and her hands muffled her sobs. "You're on speaker, it's just us."

"Rena, I'm okay." He sounded spent as he waited for a response. "I'd really like to hear you're voice."

"I love you." She failed at sounding strong. 

"I love you too." The smile in his voice could be heard from thousands of miles away. "Naima, are you still there?"

"I am." She held back from the million questions running through her head. 

"How much do you know?" It was obvious he was walking as he asked. 

"That he was injured and being flown to Germany for surgery. That's about all." Naima used her nurse voice. 

"He took a round to the upper chest. No exit. He lost a bit of blood before we could get to him. He was receiving transfusions and fluids but more stable than I expected when they left." He was mostly whispering. 

"They? Trent, who was else hurt?" Naima stood beside Serena rubbing circles into her shoulder to comfort them both. 

"Clay took a round to his right leg near his knee." Trent exhaled slowly. "Swore he couldn't feel it, and maybe he couldn't. But he'll need ortho. And Brock was injured." Trent tried to keep the tears on his face out of his voice. 

Naima immediately knew Brock was the most severely injured by the lack of detail given. "And all three were sent to Germany?"

"Yeah." His voice cracked slightly and Serena reached for the phone.

"Hey." She spoke softly. "I'm so glad you're okay."

"Me too." Trent felt the wall he was pushed into against his back. "I should probably..."

"I will talk to you soon. I love you, Trent Sawyer." 

"And I love you more, Serena Sawyer." He disconnected the call before she could argue. 

NNNNNNNNNNNNNNN

Trent was sitting in the dirt against the wall outside the operations center with the sat phone still in his hand when someone sat beside him. She didn't speak as she rested her head in the crook of her elbow exhaling slowly and counting breaths. Trent moved an inch closer so their shoulders touched and like that they stayed. 

It was probably an hour before either spoke. She mumbled first and he missed what she said. Turning slightly with a sore neck and back he wrapped his right arm around her shoulder pulling her to his side. 

"He's like a song lyric stuck in my head." She spoke more clearly. 

"I get that." Trent stared at nothing in the distance. 

"I know you do." She looked up at him with big eyes. "I should have said yes."

"Yeah." He didn't know what else to say. 

"Do you think?" Mandy's voice crack and she didn't finish the thought. 

"I hope but I don't know." He leaned so his cheek was resting on her head. "He's strong. What happened Mandy?"

"Trent... I can't." A tear ran down her cheek but Mandy couldn't betray him by telling anyone, not even his best friend. 

"Hey it's okay." Trent held her while she cried. 

Mandy cried on his shoulder until Sonny walked towards them and she pulled away. "Blackburn got an update. Ray and Brock both made it through the flight. Poster Boy's arguing so badly they're sending him stateside for treatment with the team that patched him up after Manilla." He shifted the toothpick between his teeth. "Charlie Team will be here within the week to replace us."

"Deployment is over?" Trent looked up from his place in the dirt. 

"Trent, we're down three men. Did you think we'd stay?" Sonny shaded his eyes from the sun. 

"I'm not sure." Trent kicked against the ground gently. "Guess I haven't really thought about it."

NNNNNNNNNNNNNNN

Serena pulled into the parking lot of the hospital thinking about everything that had happened in the last two days since Naima had knocked at her door. She slammed the car door shut and walked inside moving to the information desk. The woman sitting behind the desk typed and stared at the computer in front of her instead of acknowledging her. 

"Excuse me." She had tired of waiting politely.

"I'll be with you in a minute." The woman replied curtly. 

"No, actually you will be with me right now!" Serena raised her voice. "Clay Spenser. He was flown in from Germany. I need to know where he is."

The woman looked up from the desk at her in annoyance. "Are you family?"

"Yes, I'm his sister." She smoothly lied but felt like it was a truth. 

"He's in room 214." She didn't look up from the computer as she spoke.

"Thank you so very much for your stellar customer service skills." Serena walked away as anger flowed through her. 

She took the elevator to the second floor and exited looking for the direction she was heading. The smell of antiseptic made her skin tingle. She walked to the nurse's desk and waited until a young nurse looked up at her.

"Can I help you?" She smiled. 

"I'm looking for room 214, Clay Spenser." Serena relaxed at helpful nature of the nurse. 

"Oh I'll show you." She stood and rounded the desk. "He's a bit of a handful, maybe a visitor will help."

"Oh I doubt that but I'll do my best." Serena laughed lightly.

The nurse lead her to the door and smiled kindly before walking back to the nurse's station. Serena took a deep breath and knocked gently. Stepping into the room she slowly approached unsure if he was awake with his head turned away.

"Clay, you awake?" She spoke softly and adjusted the cardigan that no longer belonged to Trent.

"Rena." He smiled as he turned toward her. 

She stepped closer. "How are you feeling?"

"Not bad but that might be the meds talking. Bullet hit the bone they say." Clay shrugged. 

"You might want to try not getting shot for a bit." She laughed. 

"I'll give that some thought." He smiled. "It's good to see you. You taking me home?"

"Your room's waiting but you need to stay at least until Trent gets home. Don't want a repeat of last time." She touched his wrist squeezing softly. 

"Yeah. Can you stay a while?" Clay looked at her with big blue eyes.

"A while? I have an overnight bag in the car if you want me to stay the whole time." She pulled a chair closer and sat. 

"Thanks." He reached out and took her hand. "Any word on Ray? I haven't been able to get an update." 

"Ray is stable. He'll be stateside the day after tomorrow I think." She exhaled slowly. 

"What aren't you telling me?" Clay struggled to sit up more. 

"Here." She pushed a button on the bedrail helping him sit more upright. "Clay, it's Brock and it's bad."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I promise in the next chapter there will be an update on Brock! 
> 
> I'm also fairly certain the majority of Bravo will be stateside, including Trent so he can finally know!


	30. Chapter 30

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you again for the love of this piece.

The constant whoosh of the ventilator became increasingly comforting and difficult to listen to, the beep, beep, beep of the heart monitor the only true sign the still man was still actually alive. The bruising on both his hands from blown IVs made them impossible to hold without causing pain, at least that was her excuse not to touch him at all. Despite all the intervention he felt cold all over, clammy and still as if death were already here. 

"How are we doing this morning?" The overly cheerful nurse spoke to Brock as if he would answer while Mandy sat silently watching. 

"You do know he's not going to answer you, right?" She asked with venom on her lips. 

"There are studies that say patients can hear us even when sedated or comatose, so I make sure what they hear is positive and friendly." She smiled sympathetically at Mandy. "You can try talking to him if you want?"

"I've said what needed to be said already." Mandy looked to her phone. "When he was awake and could actually hear me."

"Can I ask why you are here then?" The nurse changed out the bag of fluids. 

"Can I ask why you think that might be your business?" Mandy hated the happy nurse. Her cheerful nature grated in a way that quiet professionalism never would have, she was simply an irritation in an already impossible situation. "Are they planning to do an EEG today to check for brain activity?"

"I think so. And I'm sorry, it wasn't my place." She exited the room without saying more.

NNNNNNNNNNNNNNN

Serena shifted uncomfortably in the recliner beside Clay's bed. She had finally gotten comfortable when she had to use the bathroom and after returning that comfortable spot no longer existed. She moved from one side to the other as her hips ached from the incline. Her bra felt tight enough to constrict her breathing although she doubted that was actually possible. She moved again and sighed. 

"Hey you sound worse than I do." Clay shifted slightly in his bed. "You alright?"

"Yeah, didn't mean to wake you." She sat up in the uncomfortable chair. 

"You didn't. The motion sensor light in the bathroom did." He smiled at her cheekily. 

"Yeah so I didn't." She laughed. "This chair sucks" 

Clay shifted to his right carefully lifting his leg with his hands. "Lay with me." 

"Clay, you don't have to." Serena's eyes filled with tears at the sweetness of the man. 

"It's all good." Clay looked up to her. "Unless it isn't? Why are you crying?"

"It's just been a horrible week. Not that I should complain to you about that." Serena gently climbed into the bed beside him hoping he would believe her lie and that it would be one of her last. 

"You know I wouldn't let Trent pull some dumb shit and not come home right?" He lowered the bed slightly as her eyes closed. 

"You need to come too." She mumbled as she drifted to sleep. 

NNNNNNNNNNNNNNN

"I'm not sure I've ever looked forward to a flight landing as much." Trent sipped a beer and looked over at Sonny and Jason sitting in the net seating that lined the C-17. 

"Having someone at home makes it different." Sonny looked at him with a smile on his face but betrayed by the sadness in his eyes. 

"Sure does." Jason mirrored the look on Sonny's face. 

"It's more than that though. Something is going on with her." Trent looked at them with fear in his eyes. 

"Trent, deployment is hard for everyone and this is her first. You gotta give her time brother." Jason put his elbows on his knees leaning forward.

"Yeah that's what I've been telling myself for weeks. I'll feel better when I see her." Trent nodded to convince them and himself. 

"You going straight home then?" Jason looked over to him. 

"She's actually been at the hospital with Clay for the last few days." Trent smiled. "So I plan to go straight there."

"Ray's there too now right?" Sonny watched as they both nodded. "Any word on Brock?" 

"They were going to run some tests today. Probably won't fly him home until they rerun the same ones in a few days." Trent stared at the floor. "They are testing for brain function."

"Shit." Sonny cracked another beer drawing half from the bottle before stopping. "Do we even know what the hell happened?"

"Not really. Severe head trauma and a lacerated artery in the wrist was all I got." Jason looked as annoyed as the others felt at the lack of information. "Shrapnel wounds apparently."

"I need a stronger drink." Sonny half mumbled. 

NNNNNNNNNNNNNNN

"We'll be taking him shortly for the MRI and CT. It probably take a few hours if you want to get some food, maybe rest." The new nurse smiled kindly. 

"Yeah. Can you call my phone when he's back in his room?" Mandy sat forward. 

"Sure. Here write your number down." She handed her a notepad.

"Thank you." 

Mandy walked slowly from the room knowing this might be the last time she could delude herself into thinking he was still there. She wandered to an outside courtyard and the chill of winter before finding an open bench and letting her mind take her back. Back her apartment shortly after the barbeque at Ray's house to celebrate Trent's marriage. Back to Brock on one knee in her living room with tears in his eyes as he told her she was his forever. 

Back to Jalalabad on the first night of deployment when she opened the door to him in the middle of the night. He'd looked at her with sad eyes for a minute before speaking. Before saying "You're still my forever so I'll just wait by the firepit for a while, when you're ready to say yes I'll be there." He showed up nightly asking her not to say anything at all unless she was ready to say yes. She let him sit by the firepit. 

The cold wind blew through the sweater she had wrapped tightly around herself. She fought not to think of him sitting alone waiting for her to show up, to say yes, when all hell broke loose. She fought not to think that the last thing he thought or would ever think was that she didn't love him. Tears streamed down her face as the cold surrounded her and filled her with a dread she had never felt. 

NNNNNNNNNNNNNNN

They pulled up to the hospital in separate vehicles. Trent felt like running to room 214 but knew he needed to stay with his brothers. The walk seemed slow and torturous but eventually they were a door away and then Jason was opening the room. Trent felt his breath catch in his throat as he stepped inside. 

The first thing he noticed was Clay smiling widely with a finger to his lips. The next was the assortment of throw blankets pillaged from his living and guest rooms. The third was his wife soundly sleeping in Clay's hospital bed at noon.

"Hey, brother." He whispered it to Clay. 

"Hey. She's been sleeping in this damn chair. Thought switching would be better." Clay kept his voice low. 

"How's the leg?" Sonny did his best to keep his voice down. 

"Infected of course." Clay rolled his eyes. "I'm also apparently allergic to penicillin based antibiotics." He laughed quietly. 

Trent stood next to the bed watching Serena sleep. "Of course you are. Can't do anything easy, huh?"

"Nope. Promised I'd wake her when you got here." Clay smiled. "But maybe I'll let you." He hobbled up and reached for Sonny who quickly assisted in transferring him to a wheelchair. 

Trent leaned forward and brushed her red hair behind her ear. His hand rested near her neck silently and unintentionally taking her pulse and noting it seemed fast. He let his thumb slowly move over her cheekbone. "Rena, I'm home."

She had dreamed this dream before, the dream where he crawled into bed beside her and held her close. The dream where safety was in his arms and the world was no longer a scary place. The dream always ended when her eyes opened to reveal she was very much alone to only hope he made it home. So she didn't open her eyes. 

Trent slid into the bed curling around her and lacing his arm under hers reaching across her chest to her shoulder. He gently pulled her back against him. He wasn't expecting her to gasp slightly and curl away. "Hey, Serena, are you okay?"

She rolled in his arms and threw herself forward ignoring the soreness of her chest. "I am now." She whispered the words in his ear as she clung to him.

"I've missed you so much." Trent held her closely with one hand on the small of her back and the other at the back of her head. 

"I've missed you more." Serena tried not to cry as she inhaled his scent. 

Trent held her for a few more minutes before loosening his grip and propping himself up slightly. "The guys are wandering somewhere."

"Clay wants to go home and so do I." She sat up more. 

"I figured. I'll go find a doc and figure that out. You wanna sleep some more or you want the guys to come back?" Trent stood. 

"I'll pack up the room. They can come back in." She bent over to grab the duffel bag and start throwing blankets inside. 

Trent stood watching her move and longing to touch her. He exhaled slowly trying to stop his mind from going inappropriate places before moving forward and placing a hand on each of her hips. She stood up and looked over her shoulder at him as his hands roamed and drifted. As she turned in his grip his right hand glided over her lower abdomen and the bump she had protected and hidden. She smiled up at him.

"You're... you've been exhausted." 

"Yeah."

"You almost gagged when Clay mentioned Indian food."

"I did."

"You respiration rate is higher."

"If you say so."

"And so if your heart rate by about twenty beats."

"That's about right."

"Your chest is sore."

"You have no idea!" She laughed.

"And you have cried more in the last three months than in the more than a decade I've known you."

"I have." She took both his hands in hers moving them to the small bump and looked into his eyes. "I wanted to watch you find out. To see it in person." Trent lowered himself to his knees wrapping his arms around her with his face against their growing child within her. Serena laughed out loud as tears ran down her face to match his as he looked up at her. "You're going to be a Daddy, Trent."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trent knows! He knows, he knows, he knows! I hope the expectation of him finding out didn't outweigh the way I wrote it. 
> 
> Also Brock... poor Brock. The next chapter will give more answers to his condition but now we all know where he had been goung and why. Please don't hate me.


	31. Chapter 31

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Firstly THANK YOU to each and everyone of you who reached out after my delay announcement. 
> 
> Secondly I am doing so much better than I was but with that said this chapter took an exceptionally long time to write. I am still not feeling 100% and honestly my concentration is not where it was two weeks ago. The neurological effects of Covid are scary. 
> 
> And lastly I hope you enjoy and please point out any glaring mistakes you find see end note for the reason.

Mandy sat silently in the sterile ICU room awaiting the results of a list of tests she did not fully understand. She felt out of her league in more ways than one. She had done some research but little of it made sense to her in the way a terror network or human trafficking ring did. The intricacies of her world and this one did not intersect. 

There is a stillness that only exists in the corridors of an ICU. It is a place where the line between life and death is thin and worn. She was acutely aware of the fragility of life, of the fact that one moment everything could be just fine and the next moment the answer could be no.

She was staring at the wall blankly when the neurologist entered the room. The man was borderline elderly but he spoke clearly and concisely without trying to give hope where no hope lived. Mandy appreciated that fact if nothing else about the man. 

"The tests results aren't good, his brain is still far too swollen. We need to relieve some of that pressure before we consider rerunning the tests. We are going to drill a small bure hole in his skull to remove the excess fluid and then increase the doses on most of his medications. Hopefully it will help." The man looked at her with sad eyes. 

"So the surgical procedure and then a few more days before more tests?" Mandy didn't react more than to ask the question. 

The man pulled the extra chair closer. "Actually the retesting will take place stateside." He put his hand on her shoulder. "It's important not only for patients but for familes to have time together."

"You're sending home to die." Mandy nodded.

"I can't tell the future but if I had to hazard a guess based on experience yes I am. His EEG did show activity so he is not brain dead, he's still in there but the activity was minimal. That could be due to the swelling and fluid but I think it is due to trauma."

"Can I have a minute before you take him?" She sat forward as the overly cheerful nurse readied him for transport.

"Of course, Chloe give her a minute." The doctor ushered the annoying woman from the room and slid the door shut behind them. 

"Brock, they say you're still in there somewhere. If you can hear me I need you to fight, I need you to fight harder than you have ever had to on Bravo." A tear ran down her face. "I came to the firepit. I ran barefoot through shrapnel for you. Because yes, Brock. The answer is yes and it always will be, so I need you to fight." Her breath caught in her throat threatening to choke her. "Please fight. Because if you can't I won't understand. I won't be okay. I don't know who I am without you and I won't be okay so you have to fight. I love you, Brock, please don't leave me here alone." 

She sat back in the chair as he was wheeled into surgery contemplating the irony of waiting for him. She thought of him by the firepit night after night and cried. Eventually she typed a text and didn't send it. 

NNNNNNNNNNNNNNN

Trent was smiling wider than anyone on Bravo had ever seen him smile when they returned to the room. His eyes were dry now but puffy and slightly red still which no one mentioned. Serena was quietly packing the room while he just sat smiling. 

"Am I getting out?" Clay watched the two slightly confused. 

Trent stood and walked to him kneeling beside his wheelchair. "Well, how are you feeling? For real?"

Clay lowered his head a bit. "Like I should probably stay here but I really don't want to." His voice cracked in a way that caused Trent to reach for his hand. 

"I'll talk to the doc and see what I can do." Trent rose and stepped from the room. 

"Hey there, Ginger Snaps! How have you been?" Sonny smiled genuinely.

"I'm better now that you lot are home." She smiled back at him. "Did you guys get to see Ray?"

"Yeah he looks a hell of a lot better than the last time we saw him." Jason moved further into the room. 

"I'm sure." Serena continued to pack things around the room. 

"Man was paler than me." Sonny shook his head at the memory. 

"Any word from Mandy?" Serena smiled sadly. 

"Nothing yet. But Mandy likes to have more information before sharing sometimes." Jason exhaled. 

"That makes sense given her profession." Serena sipped the duffle bag. 

NNNNNNNNNNNNNNN

Mandy stared at the unsent text to Jason. It was a simple six words that she couldn't bear to send. 'He's not going to make it." She deleted and retyped it three times before leaving it as a draft. 

It was close to sunrise when the wheeled him back into the room. His head was wrapped in white gauze that matched his paled skin. A tube snaked from under the wrappings and she no longer recognized the man she once thought was her forever. 

She'd bounced her knee while waiting but now stillness overtook her. The whoosh of the ventilator and the beeping filled her ears and her mind. There was a reason she had tried so hard for so long to not form connections with the operators she worked with, and this was the reason.

"He's heavily sedated still." The older nurse looked at her with kind eyes. 

"He's not ever waking up again anyway." Mandy spoke softly all traces of anger faded to despair. 

"They've been wrong before." The nurse turned to her. "They don't know him like you do. But what I meant was if you have calls to make it's early here but it's getting late stateside."

"Thank you." Mandy stood and walked from the room. 

NNNNNNNNNNNNNNN

Trent threw a blanket across Sonny on the couch and looked into the guest room where Clay was sleeping soundly. He turned off lights as he moved through the apartment and toward his bedroom.

He was almost to the bedroom when his phone vibrated in his pocket. He walked to the front door and into the hallway outside as he connected the call. "Mandy?"

"Trent." Her voice was strong in the same way it always sounded as she was presenting a target package. "Trent, it isn't good."

"Just tell me." He slumped against his truck's tailgate after exiting the apartment complex. 

"He's still alive, minimal brain activity. They did surgery tonight to relieve pressure. They are sending him home in a few hours. It's late there right?" She was usually better with time differences. 

"Yeah almost midnight." 

"We'll be there midday tomorrow." Mandy sounded almost clinical. 

"Mandy, are you okay?" Trent spoke so softly it was almost a whisper. 

"No." Her voice stayed the same. 

"We'll be waiting for you both Mandy." 

The call disconnected and he sat on the tailgate of his truck. The December wind blew gently and threatened of snow. He stared up at the night sky wondering how he was supposed to share news like this. Trent had always been honest with his teammates even when it was bad but this was different. This was thousands of miles away and he was helpless. 

She carried a blanket with her as she exited the apartment and crossed to where he sat in the dimly lit parking lot. Unfolding the blanket she wrapped it around his shoulders as he stared up and she climbed onto the tailgate beside him. 

"What do you need, Trent Sawyer?" She bumped her shoulder against his.

"Sit with me?" Trent whispered. 

"Forever." She leaned closer and pulled some of the blanket around herself. 

Trent didn't feel the cold and had no idea how much time had passed when he noticed Serena shaking slightly. "It's cold."

"It is." She tilted her head up to him. 

"Mandy called." He looked down to her. "Minimal brain activity."

"Trent... what does that mean?" Serena was afraid to ask.

"He's probably going to die and I have no idea how to do this, Rena." He looked back to the night sky.

Serena sat for a few minutes before hopping off the tailgate and standing between his legs. Slowly she wrapped her arms around his shoulders. "You don't have to know how and you don't have to do it alone."

Trent smiled sadly before wrapping her in his arms. "Let's get you two inside."

NNNNNNNNNNNNNNN

Mandy boarded the C-17 as she has so many times before and if she closed her eyes she could for a split second pretend that everything was not falling apart. But only for a split second as the retrofitting had basically turned this plane into a flying ICU. The most critically injured at the tail end, Brock the last in the row. 

"Ms. Ellis, it isn't often we have a civilian onboard." The flight surgeon spoke at her instead of to her. 

"I'll stay out of your way." She stepped to the front of the plane silently. She inhaled the smell of antiseptic she was sure would never leave her and sent a simple text. 'In the air.' Trent and the rest of Bravo would be waiting at the airport when the plane landed and as much as she wanted to be home a part of her wondered if the place would ever feel like home without him. Shaking the thought she sat in a net seat and closed her eyes. 

There is a type of exhaustion that sleep doesn't fix. It's the type of tired you get from too many tears, from terror, from losing who you thought you were, from saying goodbye to a future that was close enough to feel. Mandy let her mind drift as the weariness took hold. 

She pictured him well and smiling over a piece of pie at the diner that had become their haven. A smile filtered across her lips as she remembered the first time he slept in her bed and the hazy gaze he looked at her with as the first light of morning danced across her bedroom. It was the quiet moments she would hold onto forever. The glances across a room full of people that were only meant for her. The smiles no one else saw. The laughter in his truck at nothing. The way he held her hand under the table or kissed her temple, those times when he was hers alone. 

NNNNNNNNNNNNNNN

Serena laid awake watching Trent sleep beside her knowing his world was changing in so many ways all at once and in ways that would devastate him. She brushed his hair off his forehead and enjoyed the peace that graced his features. One hand stayed in his too long hair while the other rested on her belly.

He moved slightly and whimpered. His face scrunched and he moved a bit more and she stroked her hand down his face humming quietly. "You're okay."

"Mhm." His eyes opened a crack before he realized the warmth and comfort was Serena. "Did I wake you?"

"No. Can't seem to sleep in anymore. Baby is on your schedule." She smiled at him. 

"How many weeks?" Trent placed his hand over hers on her belly. 

"Almost thirteen." She pulled her hand out from under his and placed it on top of his. 

"I want to shout it from the rooftops but..." He looked up with sadness in his eyes. 

"But we are waiting to tell Brock first. He's your best friend." She leaned closer. 

"He won't know." Trent exhaled slowly. 

"He will." Serena's thumb circled the back of his hand. "I'm going to con Sonny into making breakfast if you wanna shower." Trent sat up slowly as soreness crept up his lower back. "You okay?"

"Yeah. Clay shoved me into a wall." Trent rubbed his back. "Dumbass Kid always playing hero."

Serena exhaled slowly recalling Clay telling her he wouldn't let Trent not come home to her. "Is that when he got shot?"

"Yeah." Trent looked to her. "Guess I shouldn't complain of my back being sore."

"I love you." Tears filled her eyes as she stood not wanting the details of Jalalabad.

"I love you too. I'm going to text Jace and Naima see if Ray can handle the news. It'll be better to tell everyone together." Trent reached for his phone. 

Serena walked into the kitchen where Sonny was sipping on coffee with his hair a mess from sleep. "We need a bigger house." She smiled at him. 

"Why's that?" Sonny turned.

"We'll it'd be nice if you had a bed instead of the couch." Serena didn't mention the baby growing inside her that would also need a bedroom eventually but her smile caused Sonny to look at her curiously. "You wanna make breakfast while I check on Clay?"

"Only reason y'all keep me round I swear." Sonny opened the fridge.

"Awe Pumba you know that isn't true!" She reached for his arm. "Hey... you okay?"

"Course I am." Sonny avoided her eyes.

"Sonny, can I have a hug?" She waited for his nod before stepping into his arms. "Welcome home." 

"Thanks." He lowered his head to her shoulder while gently holding on to her. "Really did miss being here."

Sonny slowly broke the hug and turned back to figuring out breakfast as Serena walked toward the cracked door to the spare bedroom. She gently shut the door behind herself. Sonny pulled bread from the freezer to make toast.

Trent emerged from the bedroom freshly showered and looked around the space before turning to Sonny. "Where's Rena?"

"She went to check on Clay." Sonny spoke and watched as Trent's eyes grew larger.

"By herself? Why the fuck would you let her do that?" Trent was moving across the room not waiting for a response.

"Cause she's been with him for days." Sonny followed.

He threw the door open like he was breaching a room looking for a fight. "Are you okay?" His voice was louder than he meant it to be. 

Clay jumped slightly as Trent burst through the door. "Jesus, Trent. What is wrong?" Trent stood in the doorway with Sonny behind him just as confused as Clay. He looked panicked in the same way he had in Somalia, a wild look in his eyes. Clay had to look away. "You thought I would hurt her?"

Trent looked to Serena for help as she tried not to laugh at her suddenly very overprotective husband. "No, Kid. I'm sorry. I just didn't sleep well." Trent stepped into the room. "How are you feeling?"

"Pretty good." Clay turned to Serena in confusion. "What's going on?"

"Nothing, kiddo." Serena could no longer hold back the small laugh that escaped her lips as she looked to Trent who was trying desperately to hide his smile. 

"We were gonna wait to say anything until Brock was home. He isn't doing well. We wanted to... eh.. tell everyone at once." Trent stuttered as he started to undress the wound on Clay's leg with shaking hands. 

"Ouch. Slow down man." Clay winced as Trent ripped at the tape pulling leg hair with it. "Damn, Trent."

"Serena's pregnant." Trent looked him straight in the eyes.

"Wow." Clay smiled widely and then grimaced as Trent pulled at the tape more. "Congratulations, brother. Now stop fucking with that, it hurts."

"Good job waiting, Sawyer. You almost made it a whole day without telling." She laughed.

Trent stilled his hands and smiled up at her. "I tried." His smile faded as he turned back to his brothers. "Jason will be here soon we're gonna head over to see Ray. I talked to Mandy last night. I'd rather explain once if that's okay."

"Sure is." Sonny saw the pain and fear written across Trent's face and decided he would rather delay the truth as long as possible. He turned back to the kitchen. "I'll make food." 

NNNNNNNNNNNNNNN

"Ms. Ellis, he's done good on the flight. I wanted to apologize if I was rude to you earlier. I guess I'm not used to having family onboard." The flight surgeon held a cup of coffee out to her as a peace offering. 

"You weren't rude." Mandy took the cup. "I feel like everyone is either coddling or abrupt. I prefer abrupt. This whole situation is horrific enough without people projecting how I should feel." Mandy sipped at the coffee. 

"My wife died of cancer five years ago. I can't tell you how my times I heard 'It's okay to cry.' I can tell you I did cry just not when everyone else thought I should. But if you don't that doesn't change how much this all sucks." He spoke sincerely and unapologetically. 

"I'm Mandy." She smiled for the first time in what felt like years. 

"Doug." A monitor close by beeped and he began to step away. "Oh and we're landing in about an hour."

"Thanks." She spoke to his back as he walked away. 

An hour later Mandy walked slowly through the airport unaccustomed to flights landing at actual airports. She walked passed the baggage claim area and continued walking toward the doors to the outside when she heard her name being called. Her breath caught in her throat and panic rose within her as she pushed the exit open gasping for air and feeling like she was drowning. 

Jason caught up to her as she reached the line of taxis outside. "Hey." He put a hand on her back as she bent forward with her hands on her knees. "We got you."

Mandy looked up at him. "He's dying, Jace. He's going to die." 

"I know what you told Trent. I know but I also know they want to repeat the tests right? If there was no hope why would they?" Jason pleaded with her and his own heart. "Blackburn has Cerb at his house. Were you and Brock still uh living together?"

"No. I moved out but I'll take Cerb, he can be a handful when his Dad isn't around." Mandy stood more straightly.

"I'll let him know." Jason nodded to the rest of Bravo present to join them. 

"Thank you and thank you for coming here. I know you could have gone straight to the hospital." Mandy almost whispered. 

"No where else any of us would be." Trent smiled sadly at her. 

Sonny's phone beeped and he looked at the screen. "Apparently Ray is trying to leave the hospital AMA. Naima is pissed."

"Trent, you wanna deal with that or head to see Brock?" Jason looked to his medic. 

"I'll deal with Ray." Trent turned to Sonny. "Don't let him do anything stupid and be home by 6 for dinner."

"Yes, Dad." Sonny smiled knowingly.

"Shut up." Trent turned and headed to his truck while smiling.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I when I say the neurological effects I mean I almost included Ray who was shot in the chest in the ending airport scene.... if you find a huge mistake let me know. 
> 
> Comments make the heart happy. I will try to continue with quick updates but my previous pace isn't realistic while still recovering.


	32. Chapter 32

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Woohoo a new chapter that wasn't as torturous to write! Everyday I get a little better and feel a little more coherent. My family is all doing well, better than I am for all who asked. Thank you so much for the support. 
> 
> SEAL Team returns for U.S. audiences tonight and honestly I have a bad feeling... I hope I'm wrong. I feel like Brock and Cerb are going to take the brunt of whatever happens... again I hope I'm wrong!

Naima was throwing her hands up in the air as Trent walked into the hospital room. She looked more exasperated than Trent had ever seen her and that spoke volumes as Trent remembered a wild and young Ray Perry. "Talk some sense into this fool." She said as she left the room. 

"So..." Trent leaned on the doorframe. 

"I can't stay here while he dies a town away, Trent." Ray was attempting to sit up and struggling against pain. 

Trent stepped into the room and sat in the chair closest to the bed. "He isn't dying today." He didn't move to help Ray out of the bed. "They are going to run more tests today or tomorrow."

"You know what I'm saying." Ray gave up on the futile attempts to sit up and leaned back with a hand on his chest. 

"I do. But I will make you a deal." Trent leaned forward. "When the time comes... when it is no longer a maybe, I'll break you out of here myself. Bravo will all be there for him... if you stay here for now."

Ray nodded and glanced down to where he had removed his own IV. "Yeah."

"You gonna let the nurse put that back in or should I?" Trent sat up.

"Can you?" Ray lowered his eyes as Trent stood and opened a drawer to gather the supplies. 

"Can I?" Trent made quick work of starting a new IV and hooking the medications and fluid bags back up before turning back to Ray. "You due for pain meds?"

"Think so." Ray winced a bit as he said it and Trent handed him the self administered morphine button to push which he quickly did. 

"I'll go find your saint of a wife, you go to sleep." Trent fussed with the blankets making sure Ray was settled before turning to leave.

He made it just down the hall when Naima met him with coffee in her hand. "He agreed to stay." 

"I've been fighting with him for hours ober this." She looked exhausted. 

"I told him when the time comes I'll spring him myself." Trent leaned into the wall allowing his lower back to rest. 

"You look like hell, Trent."

"Feel pretty awful too." He smiled slightly.

"How's Serena?" Naima smiled back at him. 

"Good. Busy. Tired." Trent shrugged. 

"That will happen." She winked at him. 

"You know?" Trent raised an eyebrow. 

"Figured it out about a week ago. Congratulations Trent. You'll be a good Daddy. How many scrapped knees have you fixed right up for Emma, Mikey, Jameelah and RJ?" She laughed. 

"I hope so. It's a little different when I can hand them back to you after." Trent tilted his head. "But I know she'll be a good mama. Look how she is with Clay. Even Sonny." 

"Are you comparing your teammates to children?" Naima laughed. 

"Just Clay and Sonny." He leaned forward in laughter before straightening back against the wall. 

"You get checked out?" Naima grew concerned. 

"It's just bruising." He shook his head. 

"Get checked anyway. You're not a lone wolf anymore." She took a step toward Ray's room.

"Yes, Ma'am." Trent nodded before stepping away from the wall and heading downstairs to the walk in clinic. 

NNNNNNNNNNNNNNN

"We could get you a wheelchair, probably be easier." Sonny walked beside Clay in the long hospital corridor. 

"Spent too much time in one after Manila. I'm fine." Clay struggled down the hallway. 

"Okay, Kid." Sonny followed closely. 

After what felt like an eternity they finally made it to the Neuro ICU waiting room. Clay dropped into the closest chair while Sonny continued to stand bobbing from one foot to the other. Shifting almost constantly with nervous energy. 

"Sonny you're making me seasick." Clay tried to lighten the mood. 

"You're a sailor." Sonny moved to the chair beside him and immediately started bouncing his leg. "Hate places like this."

"Think everyone does." Clay sighed beside him. "Jason and Mandy went in already?"

"Think so." Sonny stared at the floor. "Wish Trent came to explain."

"Me too." Clay turned slightly in his chair to look at Sonny. "He'll make sure we all understand before..." 

"Yeah." Sonny didn't need him to say more. 

They sat in silence for the next half an hour before Jason stepped into the room. "The doc is talking to Mandy. She has no decision-making authority but... yeah they're talking." 

"How bad is it, Boss?" Sonny sounded scared in a way neither of them were accustomed to hearing from the Texan. 

"It's bad. He's still heavily sedated from the surgery in Germany and the flight. He's got tubes and wires everywhere. Honestly if I didn't know it was him I wouldn't believe it was him." Jason exhaled. 

"I can't go in there." Sonny looked around panicked like a child lost in a store looking for their parent.

"Hey." Clay put a hand on Sonny's shoulder as his voice cracked. "I can't either. Can we just go back to Trent's?"

"I think that would be best for now." Jason looked at two of his three youngest members and saw scared children about to lose their brother. "We should know more tomorrow anyway."

Sonny stood to help Clay up when the door opened and Mandy stepped inside. "Hi." She nodded to Clay and Sonny. "So they are going to draw back the sedation before rerunning the tests tomorrow afternoon. The pressure in his brain has subsided some from the drain and less swelling so without so much sedation they will have more accuracy with the EEG."

"The guys are gonna head out. Clay's worn out. But I can stay if you want." Jason spoke for them all. 

"Yeah." Mandy turned to Sonny and Clay. "Have Trent call me for an update?" 

"Yeah of course." Clay wobbled on his crutches but Sonny reached a hand to his elbow and steadied him. 

Mandy smiled at the simple love in the interaction that neither would ever acknowledge. "Ready to head back?" She spoke to Jason quietly. 

"Yeah." He lied and followed her from the room. 

"Room 3." Mandy spoke to herself as much as to Jason stopping at the sliding glass door. Inside the room felt like a bubble about to burst. A world ending, swallowed into a black hole. An ending that leads to a beginning no one wants to live through. She sat on Brock's left side but didn't reach out to touch him. Jason moved to sit on the right but couldn't bring himself to look at his number five, choosing instead to watch Mandy. 

"When Alana died, you made it easier." Jason watched her control her microexpressions, watched her as she held herself together just barely. 

"Thank you for saying that. I don't think anything or anyone will make this easier though, Jason." Mandy held eye contact. 

"I'm not saying I or anything will. Just saying I'm here. No matter what happens I'm here." Jason leaned back in the chair and closed his eyes.

NNNNNNNNNNNNNNN

Trent slowly made his way down the hallway to his apartment carrying a pharmacy bag and three pizzas. Standing outside his own door he didn't bother with his keys instead he just gently kicked it three times. He instantly heard movement on the other side before Sonny swung the door open and took the pizza from him.

"Thanks, Son." Trent stepped inside and relocked the door. "Hungry?" He looked to Clay on his couch who looked half asleep. 

"Yeah." Clay reached for his crutches.

"Stay. We'll eat in here." Trent tossed the bag on the coffee table and followed Sonny. "Where's Rena?"

"Napping." Sonny smiled at him while opening the top box.

"Feed the kid?" Trent stepped to their bedroom.

"Of course." Sonny reached for two plates. 

Trent opened the door to what was once only his bedroom and stepped inside silently moving to the bed where she was sleeping. "Hey, beautiful. You wanna wake up and eat?" He leaned his weight onto the bed.

Serena rolled over to face him. "Hey, you only call me beautiful when we fuck." She smiled seductively at him. 

"That's not true." Trent pouted slightly. 

"It is but that's okay." She smiled at him. "And yeah I'm starving."

"I really only call you beautiful during sex?" Trent looked at her sadly. "Because I think it every single time I look at you."

"Trent, I love it when you say it while you're inside me and love that you call me Rena when you're not." She sat up and touched his right arm.

"Yeah?" He looked unsure.

"Yeah... but if you don't feed me soon... don't call me anything okay?" She laughed lightly.

"Okay." Trent slowly stood up. "Hope pizza's okay."

"Sounds amazing." Serena laughed and walked into the kitchen. 

They ate quietly for a few minutes before Sonny looked to Serena. "Quinn is a nice unisex name."

Trent tried not to choke on his pizza. "With the amount of headaches you've given me?"

"Spenser is too." Clay laughed.

"Yeah, no." Trent sipped at a soda. 

"We'll see." Serena smiled at all of them. "What's in the bag?" Serena pointed to the bag Trent had mistakenly left in plain sight. 

"It's nothing." He spoke and then filled his mouth with pizza. 

"Nah, it's definitely something." Sonny turned more toward him. 

"What's up, brother?" Clay spoke with sincerity and care.

"It's an anti-inflammatory. My back has been acting up. Stopped at the clinic after convincing Ray to stay put." Trent took another sip of his soda.

"I'm sorry." Clay set his plate aside as guilt washed over him. 

"Not your fault. Just getting old." Trent looked at him knowing Clay too well. 

"So me shoving you into a wall as hard as I could didn't aggravate your back and lead to a trip to the infirmary?" Clay reached for his crutches fumbling and knocking one to the floor and out of his own reach. "Fuck."

"Clay." Trent sat forward as Sonny reached for the crutch. "Look at me..." Trent's heart broke when blue eyes met his. "You're faster than me. I wouldn't have made it to Ray if I had tried and I was going to try but you did. You made it and held pressure while bleeding yourself so don't you dare feel guilty about my back being sore."

Serena felt her heart beat faster understanding how close she had come to being a widow, their child an orphan. It was like a weight falling from the sky. She wanted to run away as much as Clay. 

"We'd be burying both Ray and Trent if you hadn't done what ya did, Kid." Sonny held the crutch out of reach as Clay deflated. Sonny's thoughts filled with multiple funerals instead of the one he didn't think he could bear. "Now eat your damn pizza."

Trent leaned back into the cushions of the couch and let his hand rest on Serena's tensed leg. "You okay?"

"I'm not sure." She looked up at him.

"I'm sorry." Trent whispered it. 

"I knew who you were when I fell in love with you, it's probably part of the reason I fell." She ran her hand down the back of his neck. 

Trent was about to speak when his phone rang. He fished it from his jeans pocket and glanced at the screen before answering. "Boss?" Every eye in the room was on him. "Okay, calm down." Trent stood rapidly and put a hand to his lower back. "I'm on my way." He ended the call. 

"Trent?" Sonny stood.

"I have to go." He took a step toward the door. 

"Take your meds with you." Clay leaned forward grabbing the pharmacy bag and tossing it to Trent.

"He's triggering the vent." Trent was out the door before any of them could even ask him what that meant.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments are always welcome and appreciated!


	33. Chapter 33

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well it has been a bit... I am sorry for the delay. I would love to blame the holidays and the chaos of the season but honestly Covid kicked my ass more than I realized. I am still struggling so if you could bear with me I'd appreciate it. I hope there is still an audience for this as I still very much love this story. Anyway let me know in the comments what you all think.

Trent didn't feel the pull of the muscles in his back as he jogged down the hallway to where Jason was standing with Mandy in his arms. The distinctive shake of her shoulders caused fear to course through his entire being. Jason looked up and their eyes met as Trent slowed his pace.

"What happened?" He asked it in a rushed tone. 

"I'm not sure. We were sitting with him and all the monitors started going crazy." Jason's hand drew circles on Mandy's back as he spoke to Trent. "The nurses and doctor ran in and they kicked us out."

Trent moved to the sliding glass door and opened it without permission. He stood in the back of the room and watched the doctor order phentolamine. His mind raced as he tried to remember if the drug was to raise or lower blood pressure, he glanced to the monitors above the bed, noting the high blood pressure, before stepping closer but still on the periphery. 

"Bravo 5. You need to calm down. If you can hear me please calm down." Trent kept talking as the doctor glanced up at him. "It's Trent, it's 4 and I need you to settle down."

"Keep talking. Might be the meds we're pushing, might be your voice. Just keep talking." The doctor didn't look up as he spoke. 

So Trent kept talking. He told Brock they were home and safe. Not in Va Beach but damn close. He told him that everyone else was going to be just fine and that the insurrection had been dealt with. He talked about anything that popped into his mind and kept his voice as steady as he could. Finally he told him as tears ran down his face how sorry he was that he had no idea how much pain Brock had been in. How if he'd known he would have followed him into the night to wherever he was going. He felt his chest tighten as he spoke to his struggling brother about a baby he had just found out was coming and how that baby would need their Uncle Brock to get them through life. He begged and pleaded and said anything he could think of including a choked out 'please don't leave me.'

"He's stablized." The doctor stepped closer as Trent sobbed. "Let's sit."

"I'm sorry." He wiped at his face and desperately tried to compose himself.

"You don't have to apologize. You did exactly what I told you to do." He sat in the chair next to Trent. "Believe it or not I think this incident might be the best news you all have recieved. He responded to your voice, is it Trent or do you prefer 4?"

Relief washed over him and caused the tears to return. "Trent works." He glanced into the hallway. "If they see me crying... I'm the damn medic."

"Pull yourself together and I'll update them." The doctor stood. 

"Thank you." Trent wasn't sure he had ever been more grateful in his life but then Serena's face filtered through his mind and he realized he had. 

"You can keep talking to him if you want." The doctor smiled. "But if you need a break that's okay too." He stepped from the room. 

Trent sat completely still for an instant before leaning forward and taking Brock's hand into his own. "You scared the fuck outta me."

Jason and Mandy stepped back into the room as Trent sat holding Brock's hand. Jason stood behind him and placed a hand on his shoulder squeezing gently. "Hey."

Trent looked up with red ringed eyes. "Hey." He let his eyes drift back to Brock. "You understand what's happening?"

"The doctor said his vitals responded to your voice." Jason continued to squeeze and release Trent's shoulder gently. 

Trent nodded slowly. "My back hurts." He glanced up at Jason and Mandy who was silently staring. "Mandy you can talk to him."

"Yeah." She didn't look at either of them as she whispered the word.

Trent looked up at Jason. "Mandy do you want a few minutes alone?" She answered him with a nod and he stood with his left hand on his lower back. 

"You good?" Jason asked the question as soon as they had left the room. 

Trent shook his head slightly. "I need my wife. Probably as much as she needs me. Clay apologized for shoving me. She heard too much right before I came here."

Jason nodded at him. "I actually meant the way you're half hunched over and holding your back."

"Oh." Trent half smiled. "Inflammation, bruising, and strained muscles. I had it checked out." He pulled the medication from his pocket and handed it to Jason who raised an eyebrow. "It's an anti-inflammatory. They wanted to give me something for the pain too, I declined."

"I'm glad you went." Jason handed the pill bottle back to him. 

"Naima." Trent smiled.

"Yeah. Go home. We've got him." Jason glanced back into the room.

"Call if anything changes. Don't care what time." Trent looked directly at him. 

Jason stepped back to the sliding glass door while nodding. He looked inside and watched as Mandy slowly took Brock's hand into her own. He could see her mouth moving and decided to wait to enter. 

Inside the room Mandy held his hand tightly. "Brock, oh Brock. I'm so sorry. I sorry for everything." She felt tears running down her face. "And if you wake up. If you are still you I promise I will spend the rest of my life making amends." 

Jason silently stepped into the room unsure of himself in a way he rarely felt. He exhaled loudly to let her know he was present before stepping closer. "He's gonna be okay, Mandy."

"Yeah.." She looked up at him with tear streaked cheeks. "But will I?"

"You will." Jason smiled lightly. "What choice is there?"

"I'm not sure anymore." She looked away. 

Trent stood in the hallway watching the two interact for a moment while rubbing circles into his lower back with his thumb before turning to leave. He exhaled slowly and took a few steps before turning back. He stood still in the hallway wondering if he had ever felt more like he belonged in two places before he finally allowed himself to leave the hospital. 

He drove too fast on the way home. Accelerated into the turns. Looked both ways at the red lights instead of waiting for the green signal. He gripped the wheel with white knuckles. The radio too loud. The windows down too far for a cold December night. He knew he was taking chances he shouldn't but he did it anyway. Until he finally pulled into the lot outside his complex and threw the truck into park before it was fully stopped. 

By the time he made it back to his apartment his back was throbbing with every beat of his heart. He slid the key into the lock turning it while exhaling. The opening door revealed the dim lights of his living room. 

Serena was curled in the recliner sleeping with a throw blanket gently wrapped around her shoulders. Clay was laying back sideways asleep on the couch with his wounded leg stretched across Sonny's lap. Sonny was staring at Trent. 

"They lowered his sedation. He is breathing over the vent. They may be able to extubate him tomorrow as they lower the settings and allow him to do more of the work of breathing." Trent sat on the edge of the recliner reaching in his pocket he pulled out the pill bottle and dry swallowed one. 

"So he's better? You don't seem happy about this?" Sonny shifted carefully and without moving Clay. 

"He heart rate skyrocketed. He responded to meds and my voice but... but there is no guarantee he will still be Brock." Trent glanced at Serena as she made a small noise in her sleep. "Neither will feel good in the morning if we let them sleep like this."

"But there's no guarantee he won't." Sonny watched him shift uncomfortably in the dim light. "Ya ever feel like this shit is all too much?" He said it in a whisper his hand on Clay's leg. 

"Honestly? No I don't." Trent looked at him with sad but determined eyes. "And neither do you. It's just hard trying to piece them back together. You know if they could go back and live a different life Brock would still have picked up the leash and Clay the rifle. None of us would choose differently." 

"Why you always gotta be right?" Sonny yawned. "Should probably get these two to bed."


	34. Chapter 34

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading and for your support! 
> 
> ~~~  
> Sex scene  
> ~~~
> 
> Comments make the heart happy!

The first thing he noticed as he woke was that Serena was no longer in bed beside him. The second was the feeling of warmth on this lower back as he laid on his stomach. He shifted his hips slightly and Simba rolled to lay beside him.

He laid beside the purring kitten in the quiet of his room unable to force himself to face the day for a few more minutes. The house was quieter than he expected it to be. Eventually curiosity forced his hand and he moved to sit up. 

Trent shuffled slowly from the bedroom. The daylight streaming into the dining area of the kitchen seemed brighter than it should. The room lacked the aroma of coffee that usually accompanied morning. He turned to the living room where Clay set the book he was reading down.

"Hey, how's your back?" Clay sat more upright but kept his leg elevated.

"Mhm, mornin'. It's a little better. Where are Serena and Sonny?" Trent looked at the coffee maker disappointed to see the pot was empty. 

"Trent, it's noon." Clay laughed lightly. "Serena had an appointment and Sonny tagged along. They're gonna Christmas shop after." 

"It's noon?" Trent looked to the closest clock. "What appointment?"

"I don't really know." Clay reached for his water.

"Why'd you let me sleep so long?" Trent scowled softly. "Any word about Brock?"

"He's the same. And cause Rena threatened to kick our asses if we woke you." Clay blushed. "And I believe she would."

Trent laughed a bit too loudly while nodding. "She'd certainly try." He turned back to the kitchen. "I'm making coffee. You hungry?"

"Yeah. There are sandwiches in the fridge. She made them this morning." Clay shifted again. "Can you maybe grab me my meds?"

"Shit, of course." Trent walked into the spare room and grabbed the Vicodin bottle with Clay's name printed clearly. He spun the bottle gently in his left hand feeling the weight of the pills before blinking rapidly and walking back to the living room. "Here you go."

"Thanks." Clay easily took the bottle and removed two pills before placing it on the coffee table. 

They ate the sandwiches Serena had left as Trent sipped his coffee. His eyes wandered to the pill bottle on the coffee table. His left hand traveled to his right arm and then his aching lower back. He exhaled slowly and let his eyes drift closed. 

"You okay?" Clay was looking at him when he opened his eyes.

Trent watched him briefly contemplating whether lying was ever alright when it concerned his sobriety. Jason and Ray knew. He suspected Sonny did as well. He had depended on Brock a time or two but their Kid had no idea. It had never been an issue that the youngest had the need to know. 

Trent sat thinking until Clay asked the question again. He reached for his lukewarm coffee. "Not really. I could really use a meeting." The coffee tasted almost stale. 

"A meeting?" Clay's face changed as understanding crossed his features. He reached for the pills he had left on the table, the one's that Trent was staring at. "Oh. Umm, I didn't know."

"I didn't want you to." Trent looked up at him. "There was never a reason for you to know."

"Right." Clay apologized with his eyes. "You're a medic... you have access?"

"It isn't usually an issue and Jace and Ray know." Trent shifted. "The morning you met Rena, that was the last time I really wanted to use but I haven't in nine years."

"That kid. I can still hear him sometimes." Clay looked at the floor. "Can't say I blame you."

"Yeah. Look it isn't that I didn't trust you." 

"Didn't think it was." Clay looked up. "Started with your arm?" He shifted. "You don't have to get into this if you'd rather not." 

"It started with my arm yeah." Trent sipped his almost cold coffee. "But it didn't end when the arm was as healed as it will ever be and that's the issue."

"So you need a meeting. I could go with you if you want?" Clay offered freely knowing Trent wouldn't leave him alone while he was injured.

"You'd do that huh?" Trent smiled briefly. "Maybe we could do some Christmas shopping after, if you're up to it? I have no idea what to get her but you seem pretty good at gifts for my wife..." Simba meowed up at them. "Nothing alive though." Trent laughed.

"She's wearing your clothes." Clay laughed.

"I was thinking a wedding ring." Trent smiled.

"That would be good too but seriously she needs clothes."

"She looks good in mine." Trent laughed. "I'm gonna shower before we go. You need help getting ready?"

"Nah I'm good." Clay lowered his injured leg to the floor. 

The hot water cascaded down his shoulders to his lower back as he leaned forward with his forearms resting on cool tile. He shifted his hips from side to side trying to loosen muscles that felt painfully tight. Slowly he tilted his head back allowing the water to run into his hair. 

He exhaled slowly as he thought of Clay crawling on his arms with one good leg to Ray while his other leg bled. To sitting in the dirt watching what could have been the last moments of two of his brothers. He gasped quietly as the imagines shifted to Brock laying in a hospital bed unnaturally still.

He didn't hear the click of the bathroom door as it shut behind her. Didn't know she was standing in the room quietly watching the water ripple down him. Didn't feel her silent support as she watched him try not to fall apart. 

Trent tipped his head and leaned forward until the hot water hit the dark bruising low on his back and he winced. The low groan that escaped his lips echoed off the shower walls. He arched his back to relief the sting.

"That's worse than you let on." She didn't move as she spoke.

He jumped slightly at the sound of her words before turning slightly to face her. "Looks worse than it is." He attempted to see the dark purples, blues, and greens splashed across his back.

"You're a terrible liar, Trent." She smiled sadly. "And I know you hate being the one taken care of, but let me help you?"

"Yeah." He turned the shower off and reached for the towel she was offering. "Maybe some aspercreme with lidocaine would help and I can't really reach it myself." He looked down as he said it.

The small meow at the bathroom door made her chuckle as she let the cat into the room. "Hey buddy. Were you all alone? Don't like that huh?" The kitten meowed in response.

"He was sleeping on me when I woke up." Trent smiled as she picked up the orange ball of fur. 

"He was when I left too." She looked down to talk to the cat in her arms. "You helped Daddy huh? Did you lay on his booboo? You're a good boy." She blushed as she realized Trent was watching her and trying not to laugh. "You talk to Cerb the same way. Get dried and I'll put that stuff on you."

"Cerb is a highly trained military working dog who risks his life in the field." Trent smirked at her. 

"And Simba is a not so trained snuggler who keeps me warm when you're half way across the world. His service doesn't diminish Cerb's but he deserves to be recognized." She was laughing loudly while stepping into the bedroom. 

Trent stepped from the bathroom with a towel wrapped low on his hips. "I'm going to a meeting and then Christmas shopping with Clay, if that's okay?"

"If that is okay?" She placed a hand on each of his sides and turned him away. "Why wouldn't that be okay?" 

The gel was cold on his skin and he tried not to flinch away from her touch. "I haven't spent much time with you since I've been home."

"Trent." She rubbed gentle circles of medicated cream over his dark bruising. "Hey, it's okay." He exhaled slowly and a small shutter traveled through him. "I'm here but I also know that right now you need to be with your brothers. And that is okay."

Trent turned around to face her. "Thank you." He leaned forward while cupping her face with both hands until their lips met.

~~~

Serena rose on her toes to deepen the kiss. Her hands wandered from his ribcage down to his abs. His tongue danced in her mouth savoring the taste before he pulled away as her hands slid below the towel. "Rena." Her name left his lips in a whispered hiss. "I can't." He concentrated on slowing his breathing. 

"You're back?" She smiled up at him and stepped closer. "There are ways to not hurt your back." Her hand drifted toward his growing erection.

"No." Trent stepped back to separate them. "I'm sorry." He ran a hand down his face. "I uh I can't... I." 

"Trent, you're scaring me a little here. What's wrong?"

Trent slowly reached his hand out placing it on her small bump. "I can't be gentle... everything in me right now..." He looked at the floor as his cheeks flushed. 

"You aren't going to hurt me or peanut." Serena pushed against him kissing his collarbone, sucking lightly. "I need you. I need to feel you inside me." 

Trent tried to hold back a moan and failed. "Bed." He lifted her slightly as he moved them both to the bed. His teeth nipped at her bottom lip as they moved causing her to arch into him. 

He felt his chest tighten while his breath came in pants. 'Her clothes needed to be off' was the only thought running through his head. He broke away from the kiss and spun her around bending her forward while pulling the black leggings she wore down below her knees. 

She gasped slightly at the intensity of the motion before pushing backwards against his throbbing length. Trent growled deeply as he pushed her forward onto the bed and pushed into her from behind. His pace was fast and deliberate. His left hand wrapped around her and his hand roughly squeezed at her breast over the shirt she still wore causing her to whimper before whispering "Harder" while gasping what he thought might be his name. 

Trent ground into her with reckless abandon. The angle causing her to buck and wiggle below him. He was close and knew enough to know she wasn't going to finish as his right hand moved from her hip to her clit. 

"Fuck." Serena gasped at the contact. "Oh god, yes, there, yes." His fingers were magic as they quickly circled her.

Trent's hips thrust forward erratically as her walls closed down on his cock. He buried his face in the back of her shoulder to muffle his release. Her name tumbled from his mouth as they came together.

He slid out of her and guided her slowly to lay more on the bed. "You okay?"

~~~

"I'm amazing." Serena smiled up at her while rolling to her side. "You good?"

"Yeah." Trent picked his towel up from the floor. "Thank you."

"Trent, it wasn't a favor." 

"Sometimes I wonder what good thing I ever did to deserve you." He said it shyly lacking the bravado he had shown the first night they spent together. The safety of time allowing vulnerability. 

Serena laughed but not at him as she reached for him. "You're not serious?"

"I am." He looked to the floor as he took her hand. "I'm gonna get cleaned up and head out."

"Trent, every single day I look around at my life, our life, and I wonder how I ended up here. How I somehow fooled you into this life and everyday I worry you'll realize that I am trash from the wrong side of the tracks that no one ever actually wanted. And when you do you won't want me either." A tear ran down her face.

Trent settled into his knees beside the bed. "I will always want you so don't. Don't ever call yourself that again." He exhaled slowly. "Just because other people have been blind to how amazing you are doesn't mean you aren't amazing." His eyes welled with tears as he watched her cry. "I'm staying home."

"No. You go. I have things to wrap and I need a minute." She sat up and wiped her face. 

"Are you sure?" Trent hesitated to move.

"I'm sure." Serena moved to the edge of the bed. "I love that you want to stay but you need a meeting and that's okay."

"Yeah?" Trent stood and then sat beside her.

"Yeah." Serena leaned into his side. "And Sonny is going to teach me how to make his 'great grand ninny's amazing sugar cookies' so I'll be okay."

"You don't like cooking." Trent smiled at her. 

"But I like a challenge."


	35. Chapter 35

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you all enjoy! Feedback feeds my soul!

He saw nothing but smoke. It billowed while he choked. Black and gray swirls surrounded him. He was flat on his back. His head might be bleeding, it hurt. His arm felt wet but numb. He patted himself, starting at his feet hoping for a clue as to what had happened, if he was safe, and where he was injured. Confusion washed over him. 

Slowly he sat up. He felt like he was spinning. Darkness blanketed him but he felt cold. Maybe too cold. 

The sand beneath his feet was packed. Desert sand. Dry and course. He wondered if he had ever had shoes on his feet, wondered if it even mattered because his feet were bare now.

In the distance he could see a light through the shadows. Rays of hope maybe. He thought the light was getting closer. Moving to him. He stumbled backwards in the darkness. Away from it's brightness. It was probably warmer in the light but somehow that caused fear to course through him. 

NNNNNNNNNNNNNNN

"I'm Trent and I'm an addict." He stood at the podium looking at the small group gathered in the basement of the Methodist church just off base. 

"Hi, Trent." The chorus of people responded while Clay sat at the back wall of the room sipping the worst coffee he had ever tasted. 

"I've been sober for 9 years, 3 months, and 6 days." Trent smiled briefly. "But it's been a hard year and a horrible week."

Clay watched as his brother shared the darkest parts of himself with a group of strangers. It was a type of bravery that didn't exist outside of rooms like this. It wasn't something he ever expected to find here or from Trent. 

NNNNNNNNNNNNNNN

The silence was almost painful in this place. He was sure he had ever been in a place so quiet before, wondered if his ears were working. Expected to hear ringing at least but there was nothing. 

He took another step that took more energy than the last. He wanted to stop, to rest. But when he turned back the light was closer. 

He wondered if he was moving away from help briefly. If he was wandering to nothingness. But the thought of being in the light made him shiver against the cold.

He wished the quiet would lapse into laughter. That he would hear a voice he knew calling out to him. He wanted to tell just to hear but when he opened his mouth no sound came. The silence remained until in the distance he thought he heard the whimper of an animal. He thought he should avoid it, be afraid of it but instead he was drawn to the sound to escape the void. 

NNNNNNNNNNNNNNN

"Thanks for doing that." Trent started the truck.

"No problem." Clay fought to get his crutches beside him. "That coffee was horrible though."

"Yeah it always is, I should have warned you." Trent laughed. "I'm serious though, thank you."

"Yeah. You feel any better?" Clay stared out the windshield. 

"Yeah I do. It helps." Trent turned toward a shopping center.

"So umm are you guys planning to move?" Clay hesitated slightly. 

"Yeah. The apartment was fine for me but it feels small now and when the baby comes it will feel smaller." Trent couldn't help the smile.

"Yeah. Sonny and I were wondering if maybe you could uh... maybe you could get a place with thicker walls?" Clay blushed. 

Trent laughed. "Yeah. Sonny make you ask that?"

"You know he did." Clay continued to turn red. 

Trent blushed slightly as well. "You guys can hear? Like everything?"

"You only call her beautiful in bed and fuck I wish I didn't know that... it's like knowing my parents had sex." Clay shifted uncomfortably. 

Trent laughed loudly at how uncomfortable his youngest team member clearly was. "Clay she is pregnant with my baby... did you think we didn't?"

"Knowing and hearing are two different things. Can we please not talk about this anymore?" Clay turned to look out the passenger window.

Trent glanced over at him. "Sure." He couldn't help but laugh more before looking back to Clay. "So clothes?"

NNNNNNNNNNNNNNN

In the quiet dark the light grew closer. He was sure he could hear something from the light. The light felt alive, too real, too bright, and now too loud. 

He realized he was running. One bare foot slamming onto dry sand and then the other. Desperately he reached inside to propel himself further from the light. Further into the inky black swirling smoke that surrounded him. And then he was falling. 

His hands touched down an instant before his knees. In the dirt he could feel impressions. Tracks. He let his fingers dance around the depressed earth. Boots. There were boot prints in the desert. On his hands and knees he crawled and clawed at the marks made by men he felt the need to follow. And then his fingers found a smaller track. An animal print. The whining in the distance became louder. A dog maybe?

His throat ached as he tried to call out the the animal but no noise came from his mouth. He tried to swallow the pain and found his mouth full of the same sand below his hands. Panic filled him as he fought to breathe. 

NNNNNNNNNNNNNNN

Trent laughed as Clay followed him in a mall provided wheelchair. The crowds parted to let him pass. "Swear this is how we do it from now on."

"It's December twentieth. We deserve this being a pain in the ass." Clay laughed back at him. 

"Ah yes we deserve it for being deployed until a few days ago." Trent sarcastically stated.

"Amazon." Clay smirked. "So who's next?" Trent looked down at the list he made in the same order every year to avoid the epic failure of forgetting a loved one during the chaos of holiday shopping. He stopped in the middle of center court causing Clay to almost hit him in the powerchair. He stood frozen while Clay gently said his name. "Trent?"

"Umm I wrote Brock next." Trent looked to him. "But why don't we look for something for Sonny now."

"Okay." Clay spoke softly.

They moved again and found a grill set Trent thought Sonny would appreciate. Trent jokingly got Ray a professional hair cutting kit that was on clearance due to the fact that all his haircuts were at home. For Jason he picked out a leatherbound journal which he had quickly embroidered with his initials. He didn't bother getting anything for Clay as Serena had informed him that she had it covered although he was curious. 

"Am I next?" Clay laughed while taking a bite of soft pretzel.

"Rena already shopped for you." Trent shot back. 

"Oh. What'd she get me?" Clay sipped lemonade through a bendy straw and looked five years old. 

NNNNNNNNNNNNNNN

He stumbled as he ran from the light. He felt his arm give way as he attempted to catch himself before his head hit the dirt. He coughed and gagged and yelled out in the darkness. 

The light felt like it was on top of him now as the noise of his own yell suddenly filled his ears with the rushing force of a hurricane. He gasped before looking to the light. He wanted to blink away the brightness but was transfixed by the searing light. 

"I give up." He fell into the sand below him. His right hand felt the grooves left by boots and his right the track of a dog. "I can't outrun you. I'm not fast enough and it hurts too much now." He whispered the words into the unknown. 

From the brightness stepped a figure illuminated by the light. It moved closer and he desperately tried not to flinch away from whatever was about to happen. 

The light disappeared and in it's absence the darkness was no longer blackness. The figure was now clearly a man. He moved slowly forward until he was above Brock who was laying flat on his back trying to catch elusive breath. 

"You mind if I sit?" He smiled slightly at Brock before sitting without waiting for an answer. "Been a long time. You look like shit." 

He lifted himself onto his elbows to look at the strange man in fatigues of some sort. "I don't know you."

"That's okay. It has been awhile and you basically got your shit kicked in." The man smiled genuinely at him. "I won't take it personally. How's your head?"

"It hurts. What is this place?" Brock turned back to look at the tracks in the sand. 

"I'm not sure." The man looked at the tracks. "So you're six again?Sometimes seven from the look of it."

"What?" Brock looked at him in confusion.

"The boot prints. There are seven sets." The man looked at him as if it was obvious. "And the dog."

"Oh yeah. I guess. The dog seems important somehow." Brock looked at the prints as the man watched him. 

"Yeah he is." He reached a hand to Brock's shoulder. "You really got your bell rung huh?"

NNNNNNNNNNNNNNN

"I think I'm done. You good?" Trent watched Clay sip the last of his lemonade. 

"Uh yeah. So a ring is next?" Clay smiled. "What style are you thinking? There are different cuts of diamonds."

Trent nodded as he listened. "I'm not getting her a diamond. She hates them. I was thinking maybe a gold band with the green stones?"

"Emeralds. She likes green?" Clay laughed at his friend's lack of knowledge when it came to jewelry.

"Yeah those." Trent smiled. "I knew I brought you along for a reason."

The made their way into a chain jewelry store where the salesman immediately tried to convince Trent that a diamond was a better choice. Trent was annoyed but listened patiently as the man claimed to know what a woman he didn't know would love. Eventually a gold band with emeralds and ethically sourced diamonds was purchased and they were back in the mall proper.

Trent stretched and twisted slightly trying to relieve the ache in his back that lingered. "I'm done shopping. You need to get for anyone else?"

"Umm yeah. I don't have anything for Brock." Clay looked at him sheepishly as if afraid of the reaction.

"Clay." Trent rubbed at his eyes while his head tilted down. 

"Look, I get it. You don't want to buy something for him but I have to. He's still here Trent." He whispered the last sentence.

"Clay, it's not that I don't want to get him something." He exhaled loudly. "I just don't know what to get him. A blanket for the life he'll probably spend in a nursing home, or a new bite sleeve?"

NNNNNNNNNNNNNNN

"It isn't as cold since you came." Brock looked to the man. 

"Yeah brothers keep you warm." The man smiled to him. 

"Brothers?" Confusion knitted his brows. 

"It will make sense another time. And when it does you'll wish you knew now." The man allowed his shoulder to touch Brock's. 

"Thank you for the vagueness. I appreciate it so while clearly concussed." Brock wanted to be mad but couldn't hold back the laugh. 

"No problem." 

"Hey what's your name?" Brock suddenly became serious.

"What is yours?" The man responded. 

"Umm... I don't actually know. Do you?" He thought he should be panicked but felt calm. 

"Yeah, both of them, but that's cheating." He smirked. "You up for a walk?"

NNNNNNNNNNNNNNN

Trent drove without saying a word. They had agreed without a full discussion that they were done shopping and going to the hospital. Going to see Brock, even if Trent wasn't sure his best friend would ever know he was there. 

"You want to text Jason and see if they need anything?" He kept his eyes on the road while speaking. 

A minute passed before Clay read the reply. "Jace says if we could just give them a short break. It would be good for Mandy."

"Yeah." Guilt washed over him thinking about having to be asked to be there. 

They made it up to the floor of the Neuro ICU without speaking. Both lost in their own spaces. Trent knocked gently on the glass door. 

"Hey Boss, how is he?" Trent asked quietly. 

"About the same as last night. The doc says he just isn't ready to make any changes, whatever that means." Jason looked exhausted but would argue leaving so neither mentioned it. 

Clay stared into the room before limping forward. "Why don't you guys go get some real food. We'll stay until you're back."

Mandy stood and smiled sadly at them before moving to hug them both. "Thank you for coming." She tucked her hair behind her ear as Clay went into the vacated space. "They say he can hear us if you want to talk to him."

Clay nodded solemnly. "Hey Brother." He lowered himself into a chair. "Trent and I are gonna hang out for a bit if that's okay?"

NNNNNNNNNNNNNNN

"Can you hear that?" Brock looked at the nameless man. 

"What?" He asked

"Mumbling?" Brock concentrated on the sound.

"Yeah. They want you to come back." He nodded.

"Back where?" 

"You'll know when it's time to go either way." He stood and reached a hand to Brock. "Walk?"

Brock reached up. "To where?"

"For someone who only said three words to me you certainly are chatty." He laughed. "Where? To wherever we end up."

"So follow the tracks?" Brock asked with uncertainty. 

"That feel right? Then yeah let's follow the tracks." He waited for Brock for a moment. 

NNNNNNNNNNNNNNN

Trent sat opposite Clay and slowly took Brock's hand. "Hey Broccoli. I'm here. Sorry I haven't been here more. I don't have an excuse. It's just hard."

Clay memorized the lines on the tile made from the movement of medical equipment. He stared at the insignificant marks while Trent spoke. He felt like an interloper in a private moment. 

"What are you doing Clay?" Trent watched as his eyes moved in patterns across the floor. 

"Looking at these lines." Clay blushed. 

"You always notice unimportant details like that huh?" Trent smiled sadly at him. 

"I guess. Might be why I'm a good sniper. Why does it matter?" Clay glanced back to the floor. 

"It's called hypervigilance. You notice details other people don't. Slight changes that seem so insignificant no one even bothers to process them. But you see the details in everything. It probably does serve you well now." Trent spoke softly. 

"Seems like there's a but coming." Clay met his eyes.

"But it won't if you ever do anything other than be a doorkicker." 

"Right. So I'm assuming there is some importance to it?" Clay almost didn't ask. 

Trent sighed. "Kids with crap parents learn it as a survival skill."

"Trauma response." Clay nodded. 

"Yeah." Trent flinched slightly. "It was probably a muscle spasm but I swear he just squeezed my hand."

NNNNNNNNNNNNNN

"You want to keep walking?" The man turned to him. 

"My head hurts. Honestly I want to sleep." Brock took another step. "But that doesn't seem like an option here."

"It is." He took a step closer. "But sleeping is all you've done."

"My hand is warm." Brock looked at his own hand as if it wasn't attached.

"You can feel that?" He smiled.

"Feel what?" He tightened his hand into a fist and then released.

"Your hand being held." The man smiled wider. 

"Is that what it is?" Brock felt like he was drifting. 

"It is. Hey do me a favor?" The man spoke as Brock nodded.  
"When you figure out who he is will you tell Jace that I'm sorry for the burner phone and the confusion that followed." 

"Yeah. But who are you?" He wanted to remember the man.

"You'll figure it out brother." He turned and started to walk away. "Good luck, Five."

"Thank you." Brock took a step to follow him.

"Wrong way, Brother. You follow their path and you'll find home."


	36. Chapter 36

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I so love that people are still enjoying this one because I am having such a great time writing it. Thank you so much to those giving kudos and feedback!

"Should I get the nurse?" Clay sat forward.

Trent slowly shook his head. "I'm sure it was a spasm." He settled back into the chair. 

"You don't think he's getting better." Clay slumped slightly.

"I want to. I want to believe it will all be okay, but... but it's a lot of physical trauma. A lot of pain. Some things people don't come back from." Trent tried to keep his voice steady.

"He'll fight." Clay spoke so softly Trent almost didn't hear him. 

"For what?" Trent watched the monitors.

"What do you mean?" Clay tried to restrain his anger and understand.

"I mean he was sitting alone in the middle of the night when everything went to shit. He was completely alone and we weren't even the ones who found him. We didn't even know where to look. He was sitting alone waiting for someone to notice his whole world was crumbling." His voice cracked slightly. 

NNNNNNNNNNNNNNN

He immediately missed the man once he was gone. It was the type of   
loss that spoke of a bond he didn't understand. A pain in his chest and a longing he hadn't expected. He wondered who the man had been to him and why he couldn't stay. 

He walked until he felt he could not take another step. The tracks ahead of him seemed to travel on forever. An endless path he was uncertain he had the strength to follow. 

He bent forward with his hands wrapped around himself; tears fell from his eyes. Slowly he went down to his knees and wept. He cried for the path to be shorter. For the solitude to subside. 

His hands covered his face and he yelled out to the nothingness that engulfed him. The salt from his tears burned his chapped cracked lips. He. bit at them drawing the metallic taste of blood into his mouth.

A yelp from too close caused him to jump and look around. He was greeted with the excitement of two large dogs. One was almost entirely black with a gray muzzle that told of old age. The second had a pupplylike quality to him and his tans stood out in the darkness. He blinked thinking they would somehow disappear. But when he opened his eyes they looked at him with anticipation behind their brown eyes. 

"Hi." He smiled involuntarily as he spoke. The lighter of the two dogs whimpered and crawled on his belly in what could only be called a full body wiggle onto his lap. The older dog turned to look at the boot prints in the sand before turning back with a whine. "Come here, boy."

Slowly the black dog walked to him and licked the tears drying on his face while the young dog flipped and turned between his legs. "Such good boys!" The older dog's tail finally wagged. 

"You plan to sit there with your ass in the sand playing with dogs or are you going to do what is needed?" The man startled him. He spoke as if he knew him. As if they had spoken a hundred times before. "It's time to finish this. Or you can just stay here with them, up to you."

Brock felt like this man knew about giving up a fight but he had no idea why. "And if I just stay here?"

"YODO." The man smiled at him. 

"What does that mean?" 

"I'll tell you later. If that's your choice."

NNNNNNNNNNNNNNN

They sat in silence as Clay thought of Brock alone and broken with no hope that his brothers were on their way, because they weren't. He hoped that despair wouldn't steal his fight. He stretched his sore leg in front of him. 

"We'll head straight home when they get back and you can have some meds." Trent watched him closely.

"Isn't that bad." He lied.

"Uh huh. You'll have meds when we get home." He smiled knowingly. 

"You call it home even when talking to me. You ever realize that?" Clay laughed.

"Well I think you've spent more nights at my place than yours in the last six months." Trent shrugged.

"That might be true. Does that mean I have to share my room with the new baby?" Clay smirked at him. 

"That would make my life easier." Trent sighed. "I haven't really said anything but I'm terrified of this."

"Why?" Clay rubbed his leg and sat forward.

"Well I have no idea how to be a parent. Also it's the same reason I don't have a dog." Trent looked at him seriously. 

Clay laughed too loudly for the setting. "A dog?"

Trent smiled lightly. "Yes a dog. When your best friend can do what he does with a dog, you don't get a dog. It will end up chewing your house and shitting in your shoes. You know Jam and RJ. My kid will probably be a monster."

NNNNNNNNNNNNNNN

"I'm not sure I can keep going." He was walking slowly and stumbling frequently. 

The man slowed his pace and turned back. "It's your choice to keep going." The older dog whined from further ahead and the young one sat beside him. "We can stop anytime."

"Why do I feel like you are trying to get me to stay here?" Brock spoke to the man and the dog beside him. 

"Listen, brother, no one is trying to get you to do anything. We are here so you aren't alone in this choice but it is your choice." 

"Is it?" Brock wanted to stop but felt propelled forward at the same time. 

"Of course it is. Just ring the bell and it's over. You can rest and eat. Everything will be okay. But if you ring it then you are done. There is no going back. YODO." As the man spoke Brock saw a brass bell standing out against the vastness in the distance. 

"And if you want to change the world, never ring the bell." Brock whispered then coughed. "I feel like I have something in my throat."

"You do." He turned back to Brock. "If you aren't ringing the bell then let's go."

Brock stepped forward and the old dog resumed the lead. "What does YODO mean?"

"It doesn't matter. Not yet at least." He watched as the dogs flanked Brock. 

NNNNNNNNNNNNNNN

Trent rolled a spare blanket and put it between his lower back and the chair. "How long have they been gone?" 

Clay glanced at his watch. "Almost two hours."

Trent nodded. "They'll be back soon."

"Yeah they will be." Clay bent his knee and straightened his leg. "You okay?"

"Yeah. You?" Trent leaned further into the blanket roll. 

"Feel like we should stay. Not sure why." Clay leaned forward and carefully took Brock's hand. 

"I feel the same way but Jace isn't leaving and neither is Mandy." Trent looked at Brock's free hand before taking it in his own. 

"And they only allow two in the room." Clay unconsciously drew circles with his thumb over the back of Brock's limp hand. "Also these chairs suck."

NNNNNNNNNNNNNNN

"My hands are warm. The other guy... He said that meant someone was holding my hand." He stopped to look at the redheaded man. 

"It does. So you got someone on both sides of the bed." The man smiled at him broadly and tilted his head slightly. 

"Who are they?" Brock's eyes filled with the tears of not knowing.

"I can't say for sure but if I had to guess I'd say at least one hand is held by your kid brother." The man took another step down the boot beaten path. 

"I have a brother?" Brock stood still. 

"You have many brothers. All of them are waiting for you. They are older and I'd say wiser, younger and maybe just a little naive. You have brothers who would lay down their lives and they don't even know your name."

"Neither do I." Brock followed. 

"You will. Just have to keep moving." 

"Did you stop moving?" Brock put one foot in front of the other. 

"Sometimes there is no path to follow. And no matter how many brothers you have or how hard they try there is still no path." The man kicked at the dirt below his feet.

"Were you scared?" Brock matched his pace.

"No. I was ready. But I did feel badly that it hurt a brother, that he still carries the weight of it." 

"Is he my brother too? If I stay here?" Brock concentrated on the tracks below his bare feet. 

"It will hurt him forever. The Kid has a heart as big as the sky. I became just another person who walked away from him... but you know what he did?" He turned to Brock. 

"What?" 

"He gave me his heart." He smiled at Brock. "Brother, this is where you go on alone." He nodded ahead. "Well I guess not entirely." He watched the old dog continue on the path. 

"Thank you for walking with me." Brock took a step closer and placed a hand on his shoulder. "I'm sorry there was no path for you to follow."

NNNNNNNNNNNNNNN

Clay memorized every bit of the hand he was holding. The small scars across the knuckles. The crack in the thumb nail. The groove of tendons under the skin. He held tightly and absorbed as much warmth as he could allow himself to. The vibration of his phone pulled him back to now as he looked at the device. "They're on the way back."

Trent pulled the rolled blanket from behind himself and placed it at the foot of the bed partially covering Brock's feet. "Yeah." 

"Yeah. You think Sonny made dinner? Should we pick up something?" Clay's stomach growled. 

"I'll text Rena." Trent let go of Brock's hand to use his phone. 

"Can we come back tomorrow?" Clay closed his eyes. 

"Yeah." Trent didn't mention the tear on his brother's face. "He's stable right now."

"I didn't see him before." His voice cracked.

"I know you didn't. Hey Kid, look at me." Trent waited for his eyes. "I wish I could tell you everything was going to be okay. I wish I could." 

"I wish you could too."

Trent looked to his phone. "Rena is cooking... even if it's awful we have to eat it or she will cry."

"We'll eat it then." Clay nodded. 

NNNNNNNNNNNNNNN

He looked at his feet to make sure they were not bleeding. They felt like they might be. Each step hurt more than the last. The dog waited for him up ahead. 

He kept walking as the voices of the men who had showed him the path and walked with him echoed in his mind. And he heard voices he did not recognize in the far off. He wondered why they were so determined to help him find his way. Wondered who was waiting at the end of the path. Wondered who the unknown voices belonged to and wished he could remember.

He felt his pace slowing and his legs weakening but he kept going. Take a step, take a breath, and repeat. If stopping meant failing then he would keep going. Until he could go no further. He closed his eyes, picked up his foot then the other all while questioning when he would find no further. 

"You can rest without stopping." Her voice was quiet beside him. 

"I don't want to stay here." He can feel the tears in his voice now.

"Oh Sweetheart, you don't have to stay here." She tucked a strand of blonde hair behind her ear while tilting her head. 

"I don't know why but I have to keep going. There are people waiting, I don't know how I know that but I do." He put his hand on his head. 

"Are you hurting more?" She stepped closer. 

"Yeah. And the voices are louder." He flinched at the noise. 

"Let's sit and rest." She touched his arm while he nodded. 

"You won't tell me who you are if I ask will you?" Brock sat beside her. 

"No, but I will tell you are safe and loved." She wrapped her arms around his shoulders. His head rested against her chest the way a mother cradles a scared child. 

"I feel safe with you." He tried not to stutter the words. 

"You are." She ran her hand through his dark curls. "But you can't stay here."

"I'm not whole here." He looked up at her. 

"No you aren't. It took me a very long time to know that none of you are without each other." There was a sadness in her voice he didn't want to understand.

"I've been held like this before. Was that you?" He had tears freely streaming down his face. "Because if it was I want to ring the bell."

She laughed softly. "No Sweetie, that was someone else and she is waiting for you to wake up."

"Am I asleep?" 

"You are." She wiped his tears.

"I should wake up then." Brock moved to stand. "How do I do that?"

"That isn't for me to say." She stood. "You will know when it is time." 

"I guess this is goodbye?" Brock felt a pain in his ribs.

"It is." She stepped closer. "I'm going to hug you one last time. It's the hug I never gave them." 

Brock nodded as she wrapped her arms around him. His eyes drifted closed and his body warmed. His hands clutched the softness of her. He didn't let go, but she was gone.

NNNNNNNNNNNNNNN

Trent looked up as Mandy and Jason walked back into room. "He's the same."

"I figured. You would have texted." Jason stood in the doorway. 

"Yeah." Trent stood and stepped closer to Brock taking his had once again looking down at his brother. "We'll be back tomorrow, Broccoli." He spoke softly. 

Clay was still sitting and holding Brock's hand in both of his while leaning forward. "Trent?" Clay looked up with big blue eyes. "I swear he just squeezed my hand when you called him Broccoli."

"Mine too. Jace, get someone." Trent back to Brock. "You in there buddy?"

The nurse did a quick assessment before turning to the four impatient visitors. "I'm going to get Dr. Sanders." She stepped from the room. 

"You think he's waking up?" Jason looked to Trent. 

"Maybe. It could be seizure activity though. Certain types can cause involuntarily fisting." Trent downplayed his hope but didn't release Brock's hand.

Dr. Sanders entered the room while looking at a digital chart. He glanced at the monitors before moving to Brock's bedside where Clay had been standing. He lifted each of Brock's eyelids and flashed his penlight into them. "He very well could be close to consciousness. Time will tell." He spoke to all of them. Then he pinched Brock's finger. 

NNNNNNNNNNNNNNN

Brock felt a pit of emptiness at the loss of her. Like a safety net had been pulled out from under him as he tumbled to the earth. He looked toward the path of boots and took a step. 

It felt like an eternity had passed in this place. He continued walking. Maybe time wasn't real at all here. He wandered through the desert hoping to find a way to anywhere but this place.

The stillness of it all was suddenly interrupted with a gust of wind. He stumbled from the shock of it. Landing with a groan he let his cheek rest in the dirt and the wind blew. His eyes watched as the blowing started to erase his path. Quickly he got to his aching feet and ran chasing the disappearing tracks. Running to the promise of a home he didn't remember, to love he felt but couldn't recall. Running until he ran to a wall so tall the top reached the sky. And his knees hit the ground once again. His screams echoed back into the nothingness he had tried desperately to escape.


End file.
